Need For Love & Affection

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sci31A

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Can't seem to get rid of this feeling/pain.

I have spent my entire life alone, never known affection, comfort or love from a woman. It leaves me feeling hurt and I do start falling down the path of self destruct & depression.:BLAH:

Kinda at a loss really, I always find my self back here gutted, hurt and in pain.

True enough I always bounce back but still.........:cry2:
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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I'm sorry you've not met the right woman and that you're feeling this pain.

Love and affection are so important. I wish there were some way that each person could get the love and affection that they need - I feel like so many people are walking around with a hurty heart feeling and desperately need a hug.

I know the pain of not getting any love or affection from the opposite sex, and yet I suppose a part of me is too scared to receive that.

Whilst it's obviously not a romantic connection, have you ever thought about getting a pet?
Pets can offer an unconditional love that a lot of other humans can't.. it's just a thought.
 
nonotme

nonotme

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just wnat to say, its not all moonlight and roses, relationships can bring more trouble than they are worth. many 1000's of people now choose to live on their own.

I'm sure if you have that much to give you could look online at the many dating sites but I'd be very careful as there could be people willing to take advantage of you.


Me.
 
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MarlieeB

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I've given up on love and affection.

It's never going to happen, who would go for me anyway. A blind person maybe, if I'm lucky.
 
Mister.B

Mister.B

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Despite me being caring and funny and all this stuff.....I'm a terrible lay now and my looks are fading.

So that's it, shallowness and sex wins out over my charm, I'm alone forever.

I don't even care about the intimate side of things that much I only want to be wanted. :low:
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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I cringe and find it so disrespectful when a person says someone's bad in bed - it takes two to tango, does it not?
Sorry that's not sticking to the original topic, but don't let that sort of thing get to you, Mister B.:hug1:
 
T

TheRedStar

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All I can really add to this is that I know where other posters are coming from... I'm fortunate in that I have had a proper relationship, but that ended ten years ago, I haven't had a date in nine years, and the last time I approached anyone she came to despise me for my feelings :(

Every so often I meet someone who's really nice, and who seems as though their standards are reasonable, but - guess what?! - they're already with someone. Every fu*king time, there's always some other fu*ker who's got there first...

To echo khuang, I also don't really see the point in bothering anymore... unfortunately, I do have certain drives and I'm not dead from the waist down, so it's not as simple as cognitively 'giving up' and getting on with life, which I sometimes feel is what people expect me to somehow do.

It's not just about physical affection and exchange though... I want to share my life with someone, dedicate myself to someone, grow old with someone. It's all I've ever truly wanted, in fact... I'm still left genuinely aghast at how so many people somehow find careers more 'meaningful' and 'fulfilling' than relationships.

I cringe and find it so disrespectful when a person says someone's bad in bed
Reminds me of a former friend of mine... in fact, it's actually part of the reason she's now a former friend. Talk about someone changing quickly... I remember her once saying that there's no such thing as bad sex because at least you're getting sex, but just a couple of months later - after receiving a bit of male attention and letting it go to her head - she was laughing and joking about how crap a specific bloke was between the sheets with another girl who'd also been intimate with the same guy. I honestly didn't recognise the person I was listening to, and I didn't much like her either... we weren't friends for much longer after that.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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If only a person's inner-beauty matched their outer beauty... :BLAH:

... Sorry, that's a bit random of me.
 
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TheRedStar

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If only a person's inner-beauty matched their outer beauty... :BLAH:

... Sorry, that's a bit random of me.
The way I see it, enough people are sufficiently shallow that the outwardly beautiful have little necessity - and therefore motivation - to develop any inner beauty they might be lacking.
 
rubyrose

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Awww, I'm sorry. I know it hurts. :hug1:

I'm afraid I'll never know what it's like to be loved romantically. I feel like guys are repulsed by me or something, like they get a glance at me and automatically think "ewww." Most of them probably wouldn't touch me if their lives depended on it. I feel so ugly and undesirable. I've looked in the mirror at times and just started crying. I get occasional hugs from my mom, which are nice, but that's literally the only affection I'm shown. That's it. Oh well...at least a girl can dream...:low:
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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just wnat to say, its not all moonlight and roses, relationships can bring more trouble than they are worth. many 1000's of people now choose to live on their own.
Agreed!! 9 years in a relationship that was rushed as I settled for him thinking I'd do no better, pushed to get a house, fell pregnant. now I feel I'm trapped here overwhelmed with the proceedings to escape!
Being in a relationship is not a mh cure!! If anything it has helped send me right to the edge of my sanity!!
 
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nonotme

nonotme

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Being in a relationship is not a mh cure!! If anything it has helped send me right to the edge of my sanity!!
maybe it me and I know i am also guilty of this, but I really do believe people expect too much from another human being. the whole male vrs female roles etc.

I'm a shitty man with a broken mind, but show me anyone better?

for me 50% of relationships are built on lies anyway, maybe 25% work one way or another and the other 25% are doomed.


sorry can't see much positivity today.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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I woulddo anything for most people and I'm disappointed when it is not returned. I do the shopping, cleaning, money budgettin, cook the meals. We both work full time he recently has started to help as he knows hes looseing me but before then he did his hobbies and as he pleased. He'd begrudging do car things for me 8f I nagged eno7gh
 
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sci31A

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Thanks for the replies.

Try and keep your head up and carry on................:unsure:

The need for love and affection is pre-programmed into the human genome. :doh:
 
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TheRedStar

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just wnat to say, its not all moonlight and roses, relationships can bring more trouble than they are worth.
True, but that's not the full story. Sure, the wrong relationship can make life hell, and be worse than having no relationship, but the right relationship will add so much to somebody's life. The time I was with my ex was by far the most stable I've been since adolescence - perhaps a coincidence, but I very much doubt it - and several books I've read that were written by people with mental illness are very open about the positive influence of the authors' partners... including Kay Redfield Jamison's 'An Unquiet Mind', which is arguably the most famous book in this genre. Additionally, given that Jamison is herself a psychologist, I found it very striking for her to emphasise what her husband brought to her life given that mental health professionals tend to vehemently shove the 'relationships aren't a cure!' dogma down patients' throats.

No, they're not a cure - I'm not sure anything is - but a half-decent one is a far better salve than zombifying drugs and cognitive brainwashing therapies, and it's a far better distraction than giving yourself to the Protestant work ethic. In my opinion.

many 1000's of people now choose to live on their own.
They do, but I wonder how much of a choice this really is... could the reality be that many - or even most - such folk feel pressured or forced to make this decision by negative experience and the fear it engenders? How many are feeling a certain degree of cognitive dissonance, generated by the friction of conscious isolation juxtaposed with subconscious longing and desire?

For me, a choice which is heavily loaded towards a particular option isn't really a true choice at all.

for me 50% of relationships are built on lies anyway, maybe 25% work one way or another and the other 25% are doomed.
I believe that much of the problem is how people meet in the first place, and the whole dating paradigm. People make decisions based too heavily on instant attraction, which means the subsequent evaluation of their character is too influenced by rose-tinted glasses. As if this wasn't problematic enough, accurate assessment of someone we're 'dating' is made even more difficult by the calculated personas that people assume during this phase.

So, invariably, at some point in the future, after the 'fancying' stage wears off (and it does... there's plenty of evidence out there which states that animal attraction has a finite shelf-life), and the novelty of the sex does likewise, the motivation to keep up the dating pretense wanes and the real selves finally make themselves known.

Guess what? A lot of the time the real personalities don't much like each other. Certainly not enough to live closer to, and spend more time with, any other specific individual.

My ex was my best friend when we got together, and throughout my life I've found myself becoming attracted to other close female friends. Apparently this makes me a bad person, a 'Nice Guy', but I don't understand why it's such a horrible thing... why do you have to make the decision as to whether or not you 'like' someone upon first meeting them? Why does that decision have to then be set in stone forever more?

I'm sorry, but being able to trust someone, to be open with them, and to have seen them at their worst and know you can take it (which, crucially, is what dating personas are generally about desperately hiding) and adore the other person regardless, are very powerful things for me. Given that your partner will almost certainly become the person you spend more time with than anybody else, doesn't it make sense for them to be your best friend?

Sh*t... it must be hell to live with a person, spend your evenings and weekends with them, and go on holiday with them, but for them to not be the individual whose company you enjoy the most!

I said this to an old housemate of mine once, and he said that he believed your partner doesn't have to be your best friend because that's what your friends are for. His one marriage to date lasted three months, and I remember him being in a long-term relationship that was dominated by his girlfriend's insecurity... an insecurity brought about by them having got together when they were both with somebody else, and so her possessing the knowledge that he has the capacity to cheat. And if somebody can cheat on one person...

So yeah, forgive me if I'm disinclined to take relationship advice from that guy!

So many of us use each other... it's all about 'sparks', which I'm sorry but is nothing more than shallowness dressed up as something more honorable, and when that wears off we cast the person aside for the next pretty thing that enters our lives and turns our heads. It's so hollow... I look at people live that life and it becomes obvious why so many individuals end up cynical and damaged by the contemporary dating game.
 
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stella

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If only a person's inner-beauty matched their outer beauty... :BLAH:

... Sorry, that's a bit random of me.
I'll rather prefer that the outer beauty thing disspeared tbh hahaha as in my case it wouldn't be much better if they matched lol

As for the topic yeah, I lost all hope when I was 16 or so I'm not worried anymore, in fact it would be a kind of a burden for me to have a relation right now tbh I pray for occasional sex but I'm ugly af and that is not going to happen so
 
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sci31A

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Well considering I'm now going grey too a sign of old age creeping up.

Time to step aside and retire I do believe from the dating scene.

If I had been attractive I would not have spent my entire life single. Only unattractive guys like myself end up living alone their entire lives.

I guess most the time I don't care. But when I find my self ill, or run down for various reasons. i.e the job I'm doing now and the hour's I'm working. The negatives for needing love and affection surface.

:BLAH:
 
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