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Need clarity

ReverieAnxiety

ReverieAnxiety

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
684
Location
California, USA
Hi everyone!

Maybe you guys can help me with something and I will try to write this in the most unbiased way possible. I do realize that what I'm writing about may seem silly.

Yesterday, I texted my sisters that they could put in money together for me to get my hair dyed for my birthday. One of my sisters responded, "I already got you a hair straightener for your birthday". To which I responded, "I don't remember". She then says, "Oh lordy, I got you the chi hair straightener."

I know that it's easy to misread texts, but from that moment I got really upset. I texted her in a private text that she did not have to respond to me like that and that it was mean of her to do so. I told her I never made it a big deal when I helped her out with anything, so why was it a big deal that I forgot about a gift that she had to mention it like that? She then says that I was over reacting and asked how did she make me feel bad when I had no reason to feel sad. And that she instead felt bad now because I started to point out how I helped her.

So, instead of acknowledging how I felt, she starts talking about herself and how people don't allow her to express herself.She was referring to a recent trip my family took to visit me.

During that whole trip, she was in a bad mood. I understand that she wasn't feeling her best, but she took out her feelings on everyone. She would dismiss people when they were talking to her and she also secluded herself to only hanging out with two other people. And till this very day, she believes that she had the right to treat people like crap because she was depressed. Well, I'm depressed too! Prior to the visit, I was having a really tough time with my job, but I didn't take that out on anyone. I still tried to give everyone a good time when they visited. And the worst part was when I tried to confide in her that I was upset. The whole trip frustrated me because it seemed like no one was having a good time and I was trying my best to please everyone, especially her because she gave so many signals.

For example:

- She wanted to go out to karaoke, but wasn't enthusiastic about it and then tells me everything she wanted to do, I ignored.

-She wanted to eat famous clam chowder, so my bf and I took her go eat it, but she was unhappy. She barely licked the clam chowder and threw the whole bowl away!

-She claimed she wanted to be alone, yet she's ok with hanging out with our step sister and my bf's cousin while ignoring everyone else.

-She claimed she was jealous of me and my sister in law hanging out when she was only willing to hang out with two other people and that's why I went to hang out with my sister in law.

-She had a falling out with our step sister and felt disrespected that our step sister cursed her out on the phone. So, I told her I felt disrespected from her. After I helped her out with her house (and guess what? I got laid off after the family trip was over), she visits me with such a bad attitude! It was embarrassing when my in laws kept asking me what's wrong with my sister. Even they began to notice that she was secluding herself from everyone. So I told her in the text she's selfish. The same thing she accuse people of doing she does herself and she just throws it back at me. She said that when I was depressed people just left me alone (no, no one bothered to ask me what was wrong so of course I was left alone). Well guess what? When I'm at my lowest, I still treated people with respect when I was spoken to. And if I did lash out at someone, I always apologized when I was wrong.

-And the part that blows me away is how she said I kept making the trip about myself. Well, didn't my family come to visit me?! She then says the trip was for my mom, sister, and the kids, yet she was expecting my mom to babysit the kids during the whole trip and it backfired. Not only that, we went to the beach and everyone was having a good time. But because she was depressed, she cut the whole trip short.

I couldn't even take care of myself during this whole trip! So when I told her I was upset, she just said "Okkkk" and that was it. She didn't even ask me what was wrong.

Back to the text messages. I'm not sure even why she brought up the family trip. I then tell her that what I say won't make a difference. Anytime I tried to explain myself, she would bring the conversation back to her. She didn't even try to understand me. She was already set that she didn't do anything wrong and that she was entitled to act like a jerk during the family trip.

As I thought about the argument, I realized that she got me the hair straightener for me LAST YEAR. And it wasn't even for my birthday. She had gotten me something else. She didn't even try to clarify herself and just said she didn't want to think about the issue anymore. I know it seems like the whole argument is about me getting gifts-it's not. It's about how insensitive she was. And even if I misinterpreted what she said (I don't think I did), a simple "oh my bad. I didn't mean to make you feel that way" would have been enough. But, instead she insisted on dismissing how I felt and made it about herself. This was one of the rare times I confront her.

So what I'm asking is, was I over reacting??? Sorry, this was longer than I expected, but a lot have happened.
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
300
Location
South Korea
Hi everyone!

Maybe you guys can help me with something and I will try to write this in the most unbiased way possible. I do realize that what I'm writing about may seem silly.

Yesterday, I texted my sisters that they could put in money together for me to get my hair dyed for my birthday. One of my sisters responded, "I already got you a hair straightener for your birthday". To which I responded, "I don't remember". She then says, "Oh lordy, I got you the chi hair straightener."

I know that it's easy to misread texts, but from that moment I got really upset. I texted her in a private text that she did not have to respond to me like that and that it was mean of her to do so. I told her I never made it a big deal when I helped her out with anything, so why was it a big deal that I forgot about a gift that she had to mention it like that? She then says that I was over reacting and asked how did she make me feel bad when I had no reason to feel sad. And that she instead felt bad now because I started to point out how I helped her.

So, instead of acknowledging how I felt, she starts talking about herself and how people don't allow her to express herself.She was referring to a recent trip my family took to visit me.

During that whole trip, she was in a bad mood. I understand that she wasn't feeling her best, but she took out her feelings on everyone. She would dismiss people when they were talking to her and she also secluded herself to only hanging out with two other people. And till this very day, she believes that she had the right to treat people like crap because she was depressed. Well, I'm depressed too! Prior to the visit, I was having a really tough time with my job, but I didn't take that out on anyone. I still tried to give everyone a good time when they visited. And the worst part was when I tried to confide in her that I was upset. The whole trip frustrated me because it seemed like no one was having a good time and I was trying my best to please everyone, especially her because she gave so many signals.

For example:

- She wanted to go out to karaoke, but wasn't enthusiastic about it and then tells me everything she wanted to do, I ignored.

-She wanted to eat famous clam chowder, so my bf and I took her go eat it, but she was unhappy. She barely licked the clam chowder and threw the whole bowl away!

-She claimed she wanted to be alone, yet she's ok with hanging out with our step sister and my bf's cousin while ignoring everyone else.

-She claimed she was jealous of me and my sister in law hanging out when she was only willing to hang out with two other people and that's why I went to hang out with my sister in law.

-She had a falling out with our step sister and felt disrespected that our step sister cursed her out on the phone. So, I told her I felt disrespected from her. After I helped her out with her house (and guess what? I got laid off after the family trip was over), she visits me with such a bad attitude! It was embarrassing when my in laws kept asking me what's wrong with my sister. Even they began to notice that she was secluding herself from everyone. So I told her in the text she's selfish. The same thing she accuse people of doing she does herself and she just throws it back at me. She said that when I was depressed people just left me alone (no, no one bothered to ask me what was wrong so of course I was left alone). Well guess what? When I'm at my lowest, I still treated people with respect when I was spoken to. And if I did lash out at someone, I always apologized when I was wrong.

-And the part that blows me away is how she said I kept making the trip about myself. Well, didn't my family come to visit me?! She then says the trip was for my mom, sister, and the kids, yet she was expecting my mom to babysit the kids during the whole trip and it backfired. Not only that, we went to the beach and everyone was having a good time. But because she was depressed, she cut the whole trip short.

I couldn't even take care of myself during this whole trip! So when I told her I was upset, she just said "Okkkk" and that was it. She didn't even ask me what was wrong.

Back to the text messages. I'm not sure even why she brought up the family trip. I then tell her that what I say won't make a difference. Anytime I tried to explain myself, she would bring the conversation back to her. She didn't even try to understand me. She was already set that she didn't do anything wrong and that she was entitled to act like a jerk during the family trip.

As I thought about the argument, I realized that she got me the hair straightener for me LAST YEAR. And it wasn't even for my birthday. She had gotten me something else. She didn't even try to clarify herself and just said she didn't want to think about the issue anymore. I know it seems like the whole argument is about me getting gifts-it's not. It's about how insensitive she was. And even if I misinterpreted what she said (I don't think I did), a simple "oh my bad. I didn't mean to make you feel that way" would have been enough. But, instead she insisted on dismissing how I felt and made it about herself. This was one of the rare times I confront her.

So what I'm asking is, was I over reacting??? Sorry, this was longer than I expected, but a lot have happened.
Man, I don't know what to say. Your sister's actions are very unnecessary. She is having temper tantrums due to her dissapointment? That's TOTALLY unnecessary. She needs therapy! She needs to grow up! But on the other hand, don't get upset about your sister giving not giving you hair dryer. She already gave you one. So, write down a list that anyone gives you and remember it.
 
sunset547544

sunset547544

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2016
Messages
820
Location
UK, London
I have two brothers, no sisters, so not sure.about how the dynamics are different. I do know that families can and do cause a lot of pain, but of course good stuff to. Hope this helps and you are having a better day today/have sorted some of these issues out. SS
 
ReverieAnxiety

ReverieAnxiety

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
684
Location
California, USA
Hi guys!

Thanks so much for listening. I talked to my therapist about this situation and she gave me a lot of insight. I feel much better about the incident and my sister and I are atleast texting now.
 
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