C
corinne
New member
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2008
- Messages
- 2
I've tried to keep this as short as possible, but it's still too long, my apologies!
From the time I was very small, I knew I never wanted children. I got married very young and, due to birth control failure, became pregnant and had an abortion. I started taking birth control pills to prevent the possibility of another pregnancy. I was put on antibiotics for a throat infection, and no one at the doc's office told me antibiotics can interfere with the pill. I got pregnant again, found out when I was 2 months along.
I fully expected to have another abortion and was floored when my husband told me he wanted us to have the baby and refused to sign the paperwork. At that time, the state we lived in required the husband's signature before a married woman could have an abortion. I begged and pleaded, but he was unmoved and told me having a baby would be a wonderful thing for us and I would change my mind and be happy once I held the baby in my arms.
I went through 7 months of hell, I hated every moment of the pregnancy. It was horrible and all the more so because I did not want it. I did do all the things you are supposed to do, no alcohol, no caffeine, lots of dairy foods, fruit and veggies and exercise because I figured this was not the child's fault and I owed it to give it as healthy a start as possible. But I hoped for a miscarriage every single day.
I gave birth to a baby with a disability which caused him to be a very difficult infant and child. He was also diagnosed with borderline ADHD, but not put on medication. Everything was a momentous struggle from the time he was born until we finally managed to get him through school. He is grown now and out on his own, but keeps getting himself into financial trouble and we have to bail him out.
My husband is a wonderful person and I dearly love him and I am so happy to be married to him, but I am so angry at him for putting us through all of this. And I am also angry with myself that I still feel this way. I do love my son, but I realize how much easier and happier life would be if my husband had only signed that paperwork and we would have remained childless.
And I am so angry that I was forced to carry out a pregnancy I did not want, I remember how desperate I felt, being trapped in the situation with no way out. I've talked this over with my husband many times and he has apologized, but I am still angry and resentful.
So, I don't know what to do to get over this anger. I have never had therapy and I don't know if that would help? And I am afraid of being judged too, it is such a no-no in our society to not want children, and to admit to regret having them usually results in being branded as a terrible, horrible person.
From the time I was very small, I knew I never wanted children. I got married very young and, due to birth control failure, became pregnant and had an abortion. I started taking birth control pills to prevent the possibility of another pregnancy. I was put on antibiotics for a throat infection, and no one at the doc's office told me antibiotics can interfere with the pill. I got pregnant again, found out when I was 2 months along.
I fully expected to have another abortion and was floored when my husband told me he wanted us to have the baby and refused to sign the paperwork. At that time, the state we lived in required the husband's signature before a married woman could have an abortion. I begged and pleaded, but he was unmoved and told me having a baby would be a wonderful thing for us and I would change my mind and be happy once I held the baby in my arms.
I went through 7 months of hell, I hated every moment of the pregnancy. It was horrible and all the more so because I did not want it. I did do all the things you are supposed to do, no alcohol, no caffeine, lots of dairy foods, fruit and veggies and exercise because I figured this was not the child's fault and I owed it to give it as healthy a start as possible. But I hoped for a miscarriage every single day.
I gave birth to a baby with a disability which caused him to be a very difficult infant and child. He was also diagnosed with borderline ADHD, but not put on medication. Everything was a momentous struggle from the time he was born until we finally managed to get him through school. He is grown now and out on his own, but keeps getting himself into financial trouble and we have to bail him out.
My husband is a wonderful person and I dearly love him and I am so happy to be married to him, but I am so angry at him for putting us through all of this. And I am also angry with myself that I still feel this way. I do love my son, but I realize how much easier and happier life would be if my husband had only signed that paperwork and we would have remained childless.
And I am so angry that I was forced to carry out a pregnancy I did not want, I remember how desperate I felt, being trapped in the situation with no way out. I've talked this over with my husband many times and he has apologized, but I am still angry and resentful.
So, I don't know what to do to get over this anger. I have never had therapy and I don't know if that would help? And I am afraid of being judged too, it is such a no-no in our society to not want children, and to admit to regret having them usually results in being branded as a terrible, horrible person.