• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

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Robert92

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First of all i think it's great you guys come on here and try to help people out with their probems.

Secondly i don't know where to start.

My names Robert I'm 15. I dropped out of school about 5 months ago because i have chronic migraines. It means i have a really sore head nearly all day and nearly every day. Since then my life has pretty much stopped. I used to have a lot of friends and i was quite popular but since i left school I've only spoken to two of them.
One of them is a girl called Rachel who i see about every 3 or 4 weeks. I've known her my whole life and i can talk to her pretty easily about anything. I've got funny feelings towards her and i am attracted to her but i don't know whether that's because i really genuinely want to go out with her or just because she's the only girl in my life right now. Pretty confused.
My other friend is my best friends who lives across a couple of fields from me who i see pretty much everyday and i do talk to him about being stressed out and stuff but not much.
My parents are still together and I've got two older brothers. Gareth who's 19 and who went off to university in England in October who I'm close to and Daniel who's 22 and i can't stand.
Daniel suffered from clinical depression from 14 to 17 and he still has it to an extent. We get on extremly badly and argue all he time. He can't empathize or reason like a normal person and he is a burden to the whole family. He argues constanly with everyone and always gets his own way because no one questions what he does because they know it will result in a row. Therefore he gets to go on the computer when he wants, tv when he wants, a lift to his friends house when he wants.
My parents desperately want to kick him out but they know as well as i do that if they did he would become homeless and eventually kill himself.

I feel like I'm slowly but surely turning insane from headaches, depression, anger, loneliness and generally just my rubbish life. I've tried councelling but i felt like I could have been a better counceler than the idiot that they gave me. I've been going to a neurologist for about 6 months and he's finally reffered me to the hospital. I'm going in on the 19th of may for a couple of days for them to monitor my headaches.
I started getting my headaches when i was 12 when i did exercise. Then they just got worse and worse up till now where they successfully prevent me from having a life. Since then I've been puting on more and more weight and now I'm fat (16 stone) because i can't exercise.
In fact probably the only thing thats been keeping me going lately is my cat. A white cat wandered into my garage a couple of months ago and started living there. I adopted it and caring for it is about the only thing i do.
Also i smoke, which my parents don't know about. Not much about 2 a night and i know its bad for you and it takes all your money and everything but i can't sleep because of my headaches and i jump out my window a couple of times a night to calm me down a bit. Right now it's 6.40am and i haven't even been to sleep.
I think I'm slowly turning insane so i was just wandering if anyone had any suggestions.
And sorry if I bored you with this long long rant!
 
KP1

KP1

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Hi Robert sorry you are having such a bad time.Can you talk to your Mum and Dad about any of these issues? They may be able to get you some more help and maybe your GP could refer you back for counselling.
Sounds good that you have a cat I think cats are very therapeutic and they don't argue with you!Keep seeing the friends that you do as this is good for you and gives you time awy from the pressures of family life.:grouphug::grouphug: Take care
 
Cal

Cal

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Hi Robert. I know what it's like to drop out of school and not see your friends as much, i left about a month ago even though i was in my last year and nearly finished but i just couldn't handle it anymore, not with the way i was feeling, only i haven't seen any of my school friends since then, i only have 1 out of school friend (well now we neither go to school so i guess he's just an ordinary friend now) who i go and stay with sometimes cos he lives quite a way away and i have just about been keeping in touch with people from school online, it's hard to suddenly lose that social interaction but i found it quite ambiguous because i had the relief of leaving. I think you should stay strong and find someone you can talk to in person such as a family member (you said you're close to your brother Gareth, you could try phoning him up and saying you need to talk, i envy you on that i'm not really close to any of my family) or your GP, also you could try phoning someone like Samaritans or Breathing Space (i'm not sure if they're just Scotland though) it just helps to talk sometimes. Hope you find a solution soon and :welcome: to the forum :D
 
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telemetry9

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Welcome to the forum Robert.

It sounds like you have a great rapport with animals. I love cats myself. The fact you have focused on this wee cat is great I think. It says a lot about you as a person that you have taken something that needed you into your heart.

I think it is very draining to feel dislike to someone. If you can take a step back from your brother, Daniel and understand that he has problems of his own then it might help you. If you can lose some of the anger towards him you will feel better in yourself. Don't feel you have to compete with him because this will only drag you down and bring you into conflict with Daniel and your parents. Try to stay calm and not get involved in Daniel's life for the moment.

You have a lot to offer and i think your confidence is very low at the moment. If you would like; it might be worth seeing if there is an animal sanctuary or rescue centre near where you live. You might consider working one or two days a week as a volunteer in their cattery or doing something that will get you away from the situation you are in. This will build up your confidence and make you feel better about things in general.

Once your confidence begins to build you will feel better about everything else. You might even consider getting a puppy - then the walks will help you keep your weight under control.

But go and see your GP and tell them how you feel about things. It can take time to find a counsellor we can get on with; but don't give up on that. You deserve a happy and fulfilled life and you fight for yourself to get that. I think you are an independent character and the fact that you have asked for help shows a lot of strength and courage.

It's common to think we are going insane but you have a lot of insight into things and this will help you realize that this is more about fear and anxiety and those feel very overwhelming. Keep looking for that help and guidance and keep talking about your feelings and experiences; because it is this which will help you find the help you need. Start with a small thing today, such as making an appointment with your doctor or finding a support group in your area.

all the best.
 
Ashami

Ashami

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Hello Robert and :welcome: to the forum

These migraines, they sound awful. You say you started getting the headaches when you were 12, have there been any medical opinions so far on what is causing them?

My sister suffered terrible migraines when she was a teen and it turned out to be protein was the culprit, particularly red meat and chocolate. What do your parents think is the problem here?

I'm sorry to hear your story, you sound very sad and I feel for you. Please keep coming here and chatting, you will find support and mates here :hug:
 
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Robert92

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Thanks for the responses guys.
I went to a dietriciantists, or whatever theyre called, a few times and tried changing my diet and cutting things out and i know migraines can often be a problem caused by your diet. I also went to acupuncture for a while but it was no use. I've just finished a 6 week course with a chiropractor, that didn't work either. My back feels better though.
I use migraines as a collective term for a bad headache but i don't think they are technicly migraines. Doctors seem stumped and every one i go to has a differnet oppinion on it. At first we thought it was 'synos?' related but i got a carmera tube up my nose and it was alright lol. Then it was migraines, then cluster headaches, now the leading neurologist in N.Ireland thinks it's stress related. I'm at my wits end now and it inflicts a lot of stress and anxiety on my parents which i feel really bad about because they have money problems, Daniel to deal with, and Gareth was the most level headed in the family and as strange as it is he used to sort out a lot of the problems in the house and he's gone off to England now.
I'm going into hospital in about a month and even though I've had a cat scan and an MRI scan which were both clear, I'm still worried that theyre going to tell me I've got a rare condition of something and that's why the doctors were stumped.
It's 5 am at the moment and i havn't even been to bed. My whole sleeping pattern is messed up because it takes me hours to fall asleep. So even if i got to bed at 11pm i probably won't get to sleep untill 4 am.
Unless they sort the problem out when i go into hospital, I'm not going to be able to go to school next year. And even if they do sort it out, I'm going to have to repeat the year which i really don't want to do. I rang Belfast technical college to see if i could go to that next year but they said i would have to be 16 before July 1st. My birthdays on July 19th!
I think i would be able to go to Tech because it's less hours a day and more laid back. The school i go to is pretty snobby and all the kids are like posh and rich so the work is really tough and they're really strict. I don't go because I'm rich, It's just that my parents number 1 priority was our education so they kinda spend all their money on that. I've always been in top class's and normally I'm In the top 20 in my year of 150. But when I'm at school my headache is twice as bad and all i do is sit there with my head in my hands and i can't pay attention.
I got a call the other day from the education board and they said they could give me 6 hours a week of home tutoring for free. Thats more than i expected they would give me but still the 6 hours a week compared to the 35 hours I'd be getting at school seems like nothing.
I don't know what i expect you guys to able able to do about it lol but it does feel good just to be able to talk openly without worrying about what people will think, so thanks.
 
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Robert92

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Also i fear that the headaches might be Physco Sematic which would mean that my subconscious mind would be giving me a headache to prevent me from going to school. I've always had a problem with school. In my last year of primary school i started hateing it because everyone was so immature and even though the teachers considered me to be the most responsibly and generally most grown up boy, they still treated me like a child. The in my first year of Secondary school in about January I had depression for a few months and actually spent a lot of days at home because at night if i knew i was going to school the next day it would just make me miserable and I'd cry all night. I was never really bullied and i don't get bullied much now so that's not the reason i hate it so much.
And if the headaches are P.S. then i don't know what I can do about it because surely i would have to change my whole prespective of school.
NLP maybe.
 
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Dollit

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That's quite a lot going on in your life. School, adolescence, one brother leaving, another being demanding and feeling that you're under emotional blackmail, parents that set great store in education. I think that if you're headaches are psychosomatic there's a lot o potential reasons there. If they are psychosomatic and they're a result of stress then there are ways to help deal with the stress.

There's a good form of meditation called mindfulness which is good at getting you back in the here and now - http://www.bangor.ac.uk/imscar/mindfulness/resources.php.en?catid=&subid=6251 - I use the body scan meditation and I find it helps me deal with stuff and I'm one of nature's sceptics. This meditation has been used in trials in England in the NHS with positive results and I got my CD from my consultant who practices himself.

When you talk about school you talk about how well you do but I also get the feeling that you feel under pressure but at 15 you can take a little time out to get well and you will catch up. Education doesn't end in school, if we're lucky it's something that happens through our life.

I expect you're feeling a bit overwhelmed with all this response but welcome to the forum and hope it helps. :)
 
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Robert92

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Thanks for the response dollit, meditation isn't really my kinda thing. I would certainly try it if i really got to breaking point though. I have my own form of relaxation, i listen to the ricky gervais podcasts and old radio shows at night to help me relax and it really works! It's the most stress free part of my day and it helps me get to sleep. Also audiobooks that i put on my Ipod. I can read well and everything, it's just i find it far more relaxing when I just have to listen.
Second to my headaches, Daniel is definately the newt most stressfull thing in my life. Everyone feels like they have to tip-toe around him in case he
' kicks off '. But theres not much point talking about him because I do everything in my power to avoid arguments and i stay away from him as much as i can. My dad's in Spain for a week at the moment on a buisness trip and my mum is sick. Before my dad left he pleaded with me and Daniel seperately to not argue while he was away because Mum wasn't feeling the best. So i told him i did as much as i could to avoid it anyway and he said I know.
But last night while my mum was sleeping and Daniel was watching tv I came in and went on the computer and about 2 minutes after i came on Daniel came in and said he wanted to go on so, trying to avoid an argument and not wake mum up I quietly, calmly and with no aggresive tone i said I'll be off in 5 minutes. So Daniel decided to trail me off the chair, shove me out of the room of the room and SLAM the door in my face, which obviosly woke mum up who came out and asked what was happening. I told her Daniel had just trailed me off the computer and when mum told him that wasn't fair, he yelled "Get the f*uck out of the room you b*itch!!" and slammed the door in her face. It was 1 oclock in the morning and mum was sick, sleeping in bed!! Then because my dad's not here i had to spend the next half an hour comforting her.
I mean it's unbelievable how all of our lives would change for the better if Daniel wasn't in the picture. He just makes the house into a warzone.
He won't see a doctor because he thinks theres nothing wrong with him. I don't know whether he's got a personality disorder or he's just unbelievably selfish.
 
D

Dollit

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If listening to the books and podcasts put you in a better spot then it's working for you and that's the important thing. And it's good to know that that sort of thing can work.

Daniel is a destructive part of your lives it seems. It's hard to take the middle path with someone who doesn't seem to recognize that there is a path.

It's a big burden on you and you are doing unbelievably well. It's times like this I wish I had magic words but all I can say is get to know people on here. There are people with all sorts of experiences and from different walks of life and ages and we all muck in together. Peoples lives improve not because we can find cures but together we can work out coping strategies and provide a safe place to be. :hug:
 
daffy

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Hi there robert, sorry your suffering so much. Migraines are so painful. I suffered with very severe ones and it was thought id had a stroke so was sent for a brain scan which showed minute little blood clots (infarcts) and i was put on warfarin and sanomigran at a high dose. I was told that what they had seen was text book migraine.


They now are under control but stress definatly brings them on and suprisingly so does oranges. I now take Tylex for the pain as i found non of the migraine meds really helped me.

Has your neurologist said whether you will have a scan. It might be worth while mentioning it to him
 
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Robert92

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Thanks daffy, Yeh I've had a cat scan and an mri scan and they were both clear, that's why I'm so worried it might be some rare thing that they didn't think of at first.
 
Cal

Cal

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I actually know what it's like tohave a sibling that's selfish and aggresive. Only mine is my little sister she used to be on quite a lot of drugs, she was violent, she thought that she deserved whatever she wanted and she was really argumentative. She's getting better but she's still hard to get on with, we've had physical fights before and i've had the police come round to my house more times than i can remember, i think it all started cos she was spoilt when she was little. If your parents are having that much trouble then they should put him out, my sister got put into care and she was diagnosed with depression too (she took a couple of deliberate overdoses) and it did her good to not be living at home, she started to appreciate her family more rather than taking us for granted. If he doesn't think he has a problem then what's his excuse for his behaviour? Sorry my view on that subject isn't very neutral because of my sister so you'll have to forgive me for getting a bit angry i just hate it when people take advantage of their own family in such a destructive way. I think you should keep getting help, try not to let his behaviour cause you grief and try and support your family as much as you can (it sounds like your mum is taking it very hard) :hug:
 
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Robert92

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Thanks Cal, he doesn't see that his behaviour is unacceptable. He thinks he is always fair, he's always right, and that we are the ones that treat him badly. So therefore he doesn't need an excuse for his behaviour because in his eyes it's perfectly acceptable.
 
daffy

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Thanks daffy, Yeh I've had a cat scan and an mri scan and they were both clear, that's why I'm so worried it might be some rare thing that they didn't think of at first.

Robert i think if they were both clear then i t seems highly unlikly that it will be something fearful. Im sure its much more likely down to stress, it could even be hormonal as it seemed to start when you reached adolescence and your hormones would be in turmoil.

Please try not to worry yourself too much about it as youll only make your headaches worse.
 
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