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Need advice please

S

secretface

New member
Joined
May 1, 2018
Messages
2
Not sure if I'm in the right area but here goes anyway and if a mod can move to a more suitable area then that would be greatly appreciated.

So, I'm a guy in my late 30s, I've been suffering from extreme anxiety for years but only recently went to doctors as it started to manifest in to physical symptoms such as pains in stomach but tests show nothing and the pains moved around a lot, loss of appetite and little to no sleep there were a lot of events and things happening that caused this on top of ongoing stress. I've been given citalopram (sp?) I'm taking 20mg and have been for about 4 weeks, my wife has said she has seen a difference and I guess it has taken the edge off. However, I have a lot of thoughts of worthlessness and failure, to the point of thoughts of suicide. I have always been a lonely person, despite easily making friends I've always preferred my own company but I have in the past gone through episodes of undiagnosed depression (possibly) and have thought of suicide but have never done or attempted to harm myself in anyway. I don't know if this is a genetic thing also as both my Grandfather and my uncle on my mothers side killed themselves.

I really don't know what to do and I noticed my anxiety is also starting to creep back up with regards to my childrens health which is my main anxiety, they are relatively healthy children but my youngest was in hospital recently and it almost sent me over the edge, she is ok now (touch wood) but I'm just feeling in a real dark place like I have failed my wife and children and may be I can make things better if I wasn't hear.

I don't want to tell anyone of these thoughts though as I don't want it on my GP file and I certainly don't want to be sectioned or anything, I also don't want my wife to find out about it, she is great and all but to me it would make me look weak and even more of a failure. My family are no good, my mum and dad are divorced and the most narcissistic baby boomers known to man and my brother is not interested unless there is 50 quid in it. I'm not actively looking to take my own life, but just the other day I typed out (and saved) my suicide note and that's something I've never done before and it should've scared me but it didn't it was kind of like a matter of fact, but I know it should've scared me if that makes sense. I'm just I'm not in a good place and I need help but I really don't know what to do, any advice will be greatly appreciated I can assure you.

Thank you.
 
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IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

Former member
:welcome: to the forum. Thanks for venting. I think you should see a professional about this since you are suicidal. You will eventually need to tell your wife and everyone close to you about this too. Just so they know what's going on. I don't want you committing suicide. :hug:
 
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IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

Former member
P.S. I never understood what being sectioned meant. Good luck mate. :peace:
 
Drooo

Drooo

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 8, 2016
Messages
876
Location
UK
Hi secretface, and welcome.

The first thing to address here is the expectation/pressure side of things regarding being ill. Cast off those shackles and embrace the freedom that comes with admitting to being ill. Especially as a male, thinking that you can't be a certain way because of X,Y and Z expectations will not help, it will only hinder. It is okay to be ill. I'm going to say that again: it is okay to be ill.

More men die by suicide than women largely because of these expectations and a feeling of not being able to open up, admit and talk about our problems. That leaves us alone to deal with things, which is never a good idea. But the times they are a-changing and there is a much wider acceptance and push for further acceptance of mental health problems.

It sounds like you could have something going on that is more than just anxiety given that you mention similar feelings/thoughts before. It should be noted, however, that suicidal thoughts can increase after commencing antidepressants so, were those suicidal thoughts that you had before due to taking antidepressants as well or were you medication free when you experienced them previously?

Finally, don't listen to the devil on your shoulder that is depression/mental illness telling you that people would be better off without you; they wouldn't. That is just the trick that it plays on you; do NOT listen to it.

Get yourself back to the doctor and explain what's going on, explain your history and explain your family's history of suicide. Don't fear what a file says, or fear being sectioned, just get the help that you need.
 
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