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need advice please

L

lisahearn

New member
Joined
Jun 24, 2008
Messages
2
Location
london
Hi all

I am new to this site and am after a bit of advice please. I am married with a 12 year old daughter and 3 year old twins one of which has on going investigations for cerebral palsy, syringomelia and autisum. I have been on anti-depressants for 2 years due to the worry of my Son.

My problem is my husband he has suffered depression on an off all his life, i have been with him for 6 years and have managed to get him to see his doctor and has also put him on anti depressants since last year, they did the job and after a while he really perked up and we led a semi normal life but the last few months have been hell with him, he is always in a bad mood with me and out eldest daughter he can go 5 days not talking to us for no reason then expect me to carry on as normal once he is out of his mood. I have repeated asked him to see the doctor as i thought his tablets may have stopped working but he refused saying its me that is the problem as i am so lazy, i have recently been diagnosed with ME and am so tired all the time and have lost a lot of use of my muscles so he does extra work looking after the children but i still do all the house work and do as much for the children as i can, anyway he walked out on us 5 days ago and i am devestated i dont know if its to do with the depression or if he is not depressed at all but just wanted to leave us as after he went i found text messages on his phone from a womwn, he say its just someone he meet on a chatroom and he has never contacted him. Do you think from what i have told you its just him and he has had enough of me or do you think it could be his depression as if i thought it was only his depression i would try to get him back as i still love him and the children are devestated he has gone. Sorry for the long post.

Any views on this would be great

Thanks
Lisa
 
Libra1

Libra1

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Founding Member
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Jan 12, 2008
Messages
515
Location
West Midlands
Hi lisahearn and :welcome: to MHF :hug:

I am really sorry to hear of the difficulties you are experiencing at the moment with your partner and ill son, and also being unwell yourself - it is an awful lot to cope with.

I cannot really offer advice now on your difficulties, as not so well myself or thinking straight today due to new medications :( Hang on in there someone will be along shortly. Take care :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
 
S

Sall1

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
May 6, 2008
Messages
477
Location
North East England
Hi there,

after reading your post, I feel that one of the hardest things is that there seems to be little communication about what has happened, why he left, what's going on? Lots of unanswered questions for you. It seems from your post that you and the children have been left in a state of limbo right now which has to be so difficult and painful, if this is accurate? Coupled with the added stress of your child's illness as well as your own also sounds like a very heavy load to carry on your shoulders. It just all sounds really difficult and you sound 'stuck' in some ways right now.


You ask if we think he left because of his depression or because of something to do with you? The only person who can really answer why he left, is your husband, as I see it. It sounds as though you really need answers right now though and understandably so :hug:

Whatever has gone on etc, it sems unfair to think that you are being blamed for this entirely. It takes two people to make things work or break down and your husband sounds as though he needs to take some of the responsibility for the situation. As I don't really know you and your situation fully, i can't really comment any further :hug: - i don't want to upset anyone from something that I could mean innocently but still could unintentionally say the wrong thing.

Hope something of this sounds helpful to you - it does seem like you're trying so hard right now and have been for sometime. We're never to blame for our health conditions, these things often just happen and we have to deal with them the best way that we can.

Best Wishes

Sall:hug:
 
KP1

KP1

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Joined
Apr 4, 2008
Messages
1,500
Hi Lisa
I think its sounds to me as if you have both got a lot on your plate.
You have a lot of health problems to contend with plus twins and an older child.
People do not always realise how exhausting young twins can be. I have a 17 yr old daughter and 14 yr old twin boys and I well remember how tired I was when they were younger. Personally I think you have to prioritise, let some of the less important things slip a little and concentrate on the more important things in life.
EG if the washing is done the children are fed and clean the ironing can wait or don't do the ironing a creased t shirt hardly matters . Take the twins out as much as possible and let them run around parks, the garden indoor play grounds to use up their energies. Accept any help that is offered from other people.

I hope that you work things out with your husband maybe both of you are exhausted and need to work out a way of getting some space as acouple and as individuals. Not easy I know.
Sorry for going on a bit.
KP:hug:
 
L

lisahearn

New member
Joined
Jun 24, 2008
Messages
2
Location
london
Thank you all for your replies.

Nothing has worked though, he is gone and he wont even talk to me. He didnt see the children for a week and when he did come down he bought his mum with him who just verbally abused me and was on the verge of hitting me as i was telling her a few home truths. My husband intially agreed that i could come to the doctors with him to set my mind at rest that he is mentally able to look after the children but since his mum got envolved he changed his mind and went on his own and of course told me the doctor said he was fine. I am really concerned as I dont know if he had just enough of me and wanted out which would be fine at least then i know the children are safe and he is ok mentally but what i am worried about is if hes getting in his depressive state again and he isnt thinking straight then what might he do to the children if he has a mad moment. I know i am probraly over reacting but we hear about it on the news all the time about fathers killing them selves and their children after seperating from the mother. I am going to a solicitor on monday to find out if they can go through the courts or something to get a copy of his doctors report.

Lisa
 
KP1

KP1

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2008
Messages
1,500
sorry to hear that Lisa.:hug:
kp
 
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