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Need Advice - BPD Ex Harassment

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MrMichaelGee

New member
Joined
Feb 16, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Seattle
Need some resident help here. And perhaps this can help someone else in my predicament.

I consider myself a smart person, but I have never had to deal with a genius-level person with Borderline Personality Disorder who is hell bent to destroy me and my family.
Things started off great, but slowly got worse. All the horror stories I've read online are coming true for me.

Our relationship was ended recently by me after a couple years, but she still wants me all to herself. (or maybe she wants to destroy me for fun - not sure) She blames my family. Other times it's just me who is terrible in her eyes.

I believe there has been a book written called: I hate you; don't leave me. I'm almost afraid to read it.

She goes from attacking me (after saying "I love you"), to attacking my adult children. My sister. My Mother. Posts about me on Social Media. The list is too long to go into here. I have been trying to leave for so long. But I stay in contact so I can "keep an eye on her" to make sure she hasn't done anything (or planning to do anything) crazy. Problem is, she messages people (family/friends/social media)without me knowing and then I have to do damage control. She will make things up. Sensationalize. Use triangulation and pit people against one another. My family is scared. So am I.

Of note: she chews-up lawyers and spits them out. (won a divorce case representing herself against 3 separate attorneys by teaching herself law)

She will NOT stop contacting my family. It's hard to block someone on e-mail. She's blocked by everyone everywhere else.

I have tried reasoning with her. Nothing works. She hides all this from her family and friends, although I am sure some know what is up, but do NOT want to get involved for obvious reasons. It's so hard to see someone you fell in love with be this way. Normally I try to help people and I can find solutions, but nothing has worked.

Suggestions on what to do? Am I just effed and I have to await my fate? I'm fearful of what she is capable of.

Do I lawyer up? Get a no-contact order? let her family know what she is doing? I'm afraid that could open up even worse scenarios.
 
A

Alooftech

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2021
Messages
58
Location
Phoenix
Hey man. People are capable of a lot of things... I really did learn this the hard way. I've also been around people who were good-natured, that became so provoked by someone there was nothing that could be done to bring them back.

You should first ask yourself: did you do anything at all to provoke her? Did she try to talk to you before it all went sour... Unfortunately the relationships in my family sucked and I got to play referee a few times. But I noticed one party or both would play the victim, as it usually is in relationships. It made me laugh sometimes. The one who is willing to go really low with little to zero moral usually does the most damage. So if you did something, try to figure it out and maybe apologize to see if there is still hope...you never know with people; they're highly fickle and your version of the story may be a complete lie to her, just as hers may be to you.
 
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MrMichaelGee

New member
Joined
Feb 16, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Seattle
Thank you for your reply.

I did nothing to provoke her. Granted, occasionally I may be in a salty mood, but nothing that deserves what I have received. I have been patient to a point, but when she has/had episodes I would remove myself from the situation as she can become violent and try to hurt me.
It can be something as little as a perceived wronging toward her from myself or someone else. She can get hung up on it for hours and then afterward send 100's of message and e-mails. (I have received maybe... 100,000 messages and e-mails from her over the past few years - and that may be an understatement)
Seemingly with good intentions, but often each message ends with something negative. "I care about you, but it's all your fault and you are the cause of it and my friends all hate you now"

And don't dare try to explain your side. Them's fighting words!

Have you ever been with someone with BPD + co-existing issues? Such as BPD + ADHD + Explosive anger?

At this point I am in damage control-mode. Just recently she e-mailed my work and posted on social media about me, then the next morning said she loved me. Said it's all my families fault for where we are. Even though she had sent scathing attacks toward my immediate family via e-mail causing them to shun her and think she is dangerous.

At this point I just want to figure out how to make it stop. Seems the further I get away the more angry she becomes. My kids are scared and want to get restraining orders. They don't even live in state!
 
A

Alooftech

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2021
Messages
58
Location
Phoenix
Thank you for your reply.

I did nothing to provoke her. Granted, occasionally I may be in a salty mood, but nothing that deserves what I have received. I have been patient to a point, but when she has/had episodes I would remove myself from the situation as she can become violent and try to hurt me.
It can be something as little as a perceived wronging toward her from myself or someone else. She can get hung up on it for hours and then afterward send 100's of message and e-mails. (I have received maybe... 100,000 messages and e-mails from her over the past few years - and that may be an understatement)
Seemingly with good intentions, but often each message ends with something negative. "I care about you, but it's all your fault and you are the cause of it and my friends all hate you now"

And don't dare try to explain your side. Them's fighting words!

Have you ever been with someone with BPD + co-existing issues? Such as BPD + ADHD + Explosive anger?

At this point I am in damage control-mode. Just recently she e-mailed my work and posted on social media about me, then the next morning said she loved me. Said it's all my families fault for where we are. Even though she had sent scathing attacks toward my immediate family via e-mail causing them to shun her and think she is dangerous.

At this point I just want to figure out how to make it stop. Seems the further I get away the more angry she becomes. My kids are scared and want to get restraining orders. They don't even live in state!
I haven't been with someone with those issues but working with all types of personalities for years, a lot of people have struck me as having an explosive side to them that wants to come out; but that they try to hide at all costs. Similar to how the quiet borderline types behave. Seems to be a common thing actually.

Looks like you have some information distorted too because in many cases it's not just the disorders that are the problem, it's who one is. And it's very easy to claim someone's illness as a be-all and end-all in situations where the victim looks powerless.

People also don't seem to take responsibility for their irrational actions, then whine about 'em like a baby. If you murder someone in cold-blood don't show up to court crying, begging for mercy. Not saying this applies to you since I don't know you, but you asked for advice: I thought I'd give it.
 
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