need advice about my mum, has she got a mental health problem?

[angiebabes]

right where do i begin, think i will begin at the beginning, and it will be a long story, so bare with me, here goes, xx

me mum and dad married in start of 75, and had me brother a few months later, then in end of 78, i came along.

me mum and dads relationship has always been a bit rocky from the word go, with constant arguements and the occasional fights, where both of them where equally to blame for their part in it, which my dad has always admitted to his side of it, fair enough.

then when i was about a year old, my dad took the responsibility of leaving the relationship, cos he didnt love me mum anymore and didnt want to stay in a relationship where there was constant fighting infront of children, even though he always tried keep in contact with me and my brother, under the circumstances with my mum.

As a result of this split, since then, my mum has been very bitter about the split. she has taken every opportunity to make my dad look like a complete moron and some kind of monster to every one that she talks to, by either constantly lying through her teeth about him, over exagerating about wat he has done, or witholding information that can automatically change the view of the story to his favour, or a combination of these things.

a few examples of what she has done above is, abot 4 years after the split he was living with my step mum and step brothers and sisters, is my step mum booked a holiday to blackpool for her and my step brothers and sisters but not my dad, so my dad payed for himself, in which my mum knew this, but this didnt stop her from going abot telling everyone that he didnt give a flying f#ck abot his own kids, cos he fully payed for a holiday for his new family.

she also try and get information out of me and my brother about me dad etc when we came back from visiting so she can twist the stories round to suit her, to make her look like an angel and him look like an @rsehole etc, and she would take great delight in doing it infront of me, or making sure i was in hearing distance when shes saying things about me dad.

Every time my dad used to send xmas and b/day cards with money in it, my mum used to open the cards and pocket the money and seal the card back up, and then try and make out that me dad didnt give us anything etc,, that kinda stuff.

all this kinda stuff has gone on for years, and now its got to the stage where my mum is now having goes at me to get at my dad, cos when i last visited her, she said, and i quote,, " ur beginning to look like ur dad every time i see u, a f#cking ugly b#stard",, then she proceeded to laugh in me face about it,,, which she upset me,, and she knew she upset me cos she proceeded to laugh and crack jokes about the fact that she upset me.


oh and shes a bit of a control freak and a bit of a bully as well,, everything has to be her way,,, and if it doesnt,, she tries to sorta bully me into doing wat she wants

now thats me finished,, hopes thats enough info there ,, lol xxxx`

 

[Fedup]

This type of thing really makes me sad ............. using the children

May i ask how old you are ? Can you not tell her to stop this silly game and using you ? How does your brother feel ?

 

[angiebabes]

This type of thing really makes me sad ............. using the children

May i ask how old you are ? Can you not tell her to stop this silly game and using you ? How does your brother feel ?

am 29,, its been going on since they split, which was abot 27 to 28 years ago, and its just peeing me off, not sure how brother feels, think he feels the same,, shes just full of anger, bitterness and hatred, am just sick of all the lies and the stories thats she telling that i know for a fact that arent true.

its got the stage now where i dont see her as a mother much anymore,, i rather see her has a bit of a control freak and a bully, with a really large chip on her shoulder.

i honestly want to say summat to her, but i dont know how to go about it, cos i dont want to hurt her feelings or anything.

 

[daffy]

Hi there angiebabes. I felt i hadto respond to thi as it sounded just like my mum. My dad died in 1978 and he was the best dad anyone could want, but my mum insisted for years telling us how bad he was and how his mother (my Nan) thought my mum was mad. She too twisted things and said she used to say all sorts of things to us when we were little, which definatly was not true.
She was also very violent to my sister and I.

As time went on she got more and more vicious with her comments and it got to the stage when we started to avoid her.Eventually we plucked up the courage to tell her that if she didnt stop it and get help we wouldnt see her, as she upset us too much. My sister and i finally got her to see a psychiatrist, who diagnosed a personality disorder and thought she was a very interesting case!


She is now on a mood stabilizer and is the kind of mum i wanted as a child. If you can tell her how much what she says is upsetting you. I dont know if you still live at home, but if you dont , cut down on visits and phone calls Or in the house just say you dont want to hear it and walk away.

It will be hard and if shes anything like my mum was shell probably yell at you, but eventually the message will get thru. And after the first time you say it , it does get easier.

Good luck

I

 

[Dollit]

I don't know whether your mum has a mental health problem but she certainly sounds bitter and unfortunately typical of some people after a break up that involves kids.

The best thing you can do, as far as I see it, is refuse to buy into her games and just carry on as if nothings happened. She can only do this if you allow her to and you're an adult now and you live your life the way you choose.

 

[Fedup]

am 29,, its been going on since they split, which was abot 27 to 28 years ago, and its just peeing me off, not sure how brother feels, think he feels the same,, shes just full of anger, bitterness and hatred, am just sick of all the lies and the stories thats she telling that i know for a fact that arent true.

its got the stage now where i dont see her as a mother much anymore,, i rather see her has a bit of a control freak and a bully, with a really large chip on her shoulder.

i honestly want to say summat to her, but i dont know how to go about it, cos i dont want to hurt her feelings or anything.

But it's ok for her to hurt your feeling's ??!!
IMHO .......... I'd get together with your brother and sort out what you both want to say to your mum & then go to-gether and talk to her. I know it's easier said than done ............. but if nothing is said your mum, she will think and carry on doing what she is doing.

Takecare now

 

[angiebabes]

its ok, i dont stay with me mum, i moved out at first opportunity 12 years ago when i was 17 into me place, though it was a stuggle, but i made do, cos anything was better than living with me mum, and her controlling ways

she now lives in wales with her current partner (thank god, as i am in scotland), she phones me on occasions, but doesnt mention my dad,, the only time she mentions my dad is when shes wanting information on him or when am down visiting (which is not that often), she would say summat hurtful,, and she knows that shes upsets me cos she makes the point in makng jokes about upseting me then proceeds to laugh in me face about it.

and wat pees me off even more is she tries to make out shes some sort of perfect mother and so on when peeps are abot, but different story when she thinks no one is watching or abot,, like, stealing money from our b/day and xmas cards that our dad sends us, and when i was staying with her, it was like with the cards, plus all me mail was getting opened,,, stuff was going missing from my room (no privacy wats so ever),, i couldnt leave anything lying around, like clothes or money, without my mum either pocketing it or wearing em. it got to the stage where she had peeps that didnt know me dad bad mouthing him off cos they believed him that much