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Need advice about my bipolar boyfriend

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nikkilondon99

New member
Joined
Nov 8, 2019
Messages
3
Location
London
Hi everyone,
This is my first post so I don’t know how to start.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 months. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder this year (not long before meeting me) and I have BPD. He was prescribed Sertraline but takes it sporadically because he doesn’t like the side effects of it (he keeps saying he will go to the doctor to get them changed but never ends up doing so. Apparently he has an app for next Tuesday).
We are in a long distance relationship (2 hours away driving) as we go to different universities.
The first 3 months of our relationship were perfect. Both of us were pretty stable despite having arguments here and there. We both were happy and he didn’t go through any episodes.
Our issues started a month ago. He had come to visit me for the weekend. Friday and Saturday were amazing when on Sunday he completely switched on me? He tried to break up with me out of nowhere saying that he didn’t love me anymore (when on Friday he had given me a painting he had done for me, baked me biscuits and rushed to see me because he missed me) but then quickly retracted himself and said that he didn’t mean it.
After he went back to uni, these past 3 weeks have been horrible. He told me he thought he was going through a depressive episode. He didn’t want to talk to me at all, wouldn’t reply to my messages, stays in his room most of the time, but when he does go out with his friend he seems to act normal with them? I’ve given him a lot of space, didn’t pry and just let him do his thing while reminding him that I would always be there for him.
Last week he called me saying he wanted me to go over out of nowhere. I ended up visiting on Monday. Monday seemed to go great, he acted as he did before. We kissed, cuddled, laughed, smiled, chilled. Then on Tuesday we had a small argument and on Wednesday everything came crashing down.
When I tried to kiss him in the morning he said he didn’t want to kiss me so I asked why and he just said he didn’t so I respected that. Then he hugged me and told me to enjoy it because this would be the last time. Then he once again said that he didn’t love me anymore and that he wanted to break up. We argued for a couple of hours, where he ended up smashing a glass, flipping a chair and throwing all the cutlery off the counter top.
He went for a walk, asked me to leave and left me crying at his house. When he came back he broke down crying saying that he had almost made it, that he had made me go through this entire argument and that at the end he couldn’t go through with it. He then pulled me for a hug and started sobbing very loudly. I asked him if he really didn’t love me and he said that “it’s not that”.
He has repeatedly said that my life would be better without him, during this argument he said that I had been so close to having someone as disgusting as him out of my life.
He says that he wants to get better but nothing so far. He hasn’t changed his meds yet and he’s on the waiting list for therapy.
I don’t know what to do. He has switched on me so much that I don’t know what to believe of all the things he has said. Sometimes he acts like he loves me and then he pulls this strong facade to hurt me and make me leave. Having BPD, I feel extremely unloved and rejected when he says things such as him not loving me anymore.
I’m not trying to neglect his feelings. I genuinely do not know what to believe of all the things he has said and I don’t know how to act. I really do love him and I don’t know how to deal with the situation. I would really appreciate any advice from someone else’s perspective
 
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Worriedyin

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 2, 2019
Messages
271
Location
UK
Hi, really sorry that you're going through this.

Is he on a mood stabiliser at all? It sounds like he needs to speak to his doctor about his symptoms.

I really hope you manage to work things out but if he keeps trying to push you away, you have to consider whether it's worth continuing - maybe he's trying to tell you something without actually having to say it.

I really hope you manage to figure it out.
 
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nikkilondon99

New member
Joined
Nov 8, 2019
Messages
3
Location
London
Hi, really sorry that you're going through this.

Is he on a mood stabiliser at all? It sounds like he needs to speak to his doctor about his symptoms.

I really hope you manage to work things out but if he keeps trying to push you away, you have to consider whether it's worth continuing - maybe he's trying to tell you something without actually having to say it.

I really hope you manage to figure it out.
Thanks for replying! He’s not currently taking any medication which I’m definitely worried about. He told me he ran out of Sertraline and had not gone to get a new prescription. He says he has an appointment next Tuesday to discuss whether to change what he’s currently taking but I’m unsure whether he will actually go because he’s said the same things before and ended up not following through with it.
I am genuinely very confused about what he wants. He keeps pulling and pushing so I really don’t know whether he wants me gone or not
 
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