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Need a logical assessment of the situation



New member
Apr 20, 2013
Today I was minding my own business when suddenly out of the blue my mom told me to call my optician's store and order four boxes contact lens and she would pay/collect.

I was apprehensive to call because I had no idea what was going on, what details to tell the people at the store, and confused because why couldn't she just order it herself?

Then she said she's already called them and shoved the phone in my face. I wasn't prepared for or sure of what to tell them, so I read off of the label and answered the questions honestly (they asked me for name, degree, contact lens power, if the contacts were for me, etc) at which point when i said the lenses weren't for me, mom got up angrily and left for the next room

I followed her and asked her to speak to the optician but she refused, and then grabbed the phone from me and ended to call.

After that she told me it was because she didn't want to order from her optician (they would take two days to order and receive lenses) and I would have had to say I wanted to order for myself because my optician does not allow people to buy contacts without them having been tested at the store first
(she claims that they will make her buy 1000 degree contacts if they test her, but this doesn't make sense- they tested me and I was 500/550 degrees, but they let me buy 500/500. Is there a law that I don't know about that empowers opticians to force people to buy exact or near prescriptions?)
She was also going on about how stupid I was to not even know this without her telling me.

And now she is screaming at how i always leave my room door open and how she is sick and tired of me, how my father is going to access her room through my keys (and dirty her makeup) and how she needs to move.

I am confused and angry because she essentially put me to a test I was not prepared for (she did not explain the specifics beforehand) and started punishing me verbally when I failed to perform as she wanted. I admit that I am an idiot, regardless of whether or not this lack of precedent knowledge contributed towards my failure, but I don't know how to fix this.

This has happened with different things in the past as well, and she has consistently blamed me for not knowing about her motivations. It's frustrating as hell and feels unfair (but I know I deserve it, because I'm stupid and can't remember enough things).

Essentially, the problem boils down to:
-I don't know enough about what she wants, and she is not forthcoming with essential details because she assumes I know them
-I know the gist of what she wants, she wants to buy contacts etc.
but from prior experience there is always some sort of additional hidden reasoning/factor she knows of and I don't, which she does not explain to me in a timely manner
-She rushes me and increases the chances of me making mistakes
-I make blunders as a result
-I get blamed for not knowing in the first place, and the entire thing transforms into a 'hurtle nonstop relentless insults at me session'.

I don't want to hear sympathy. I am looking for a solution, because it has happened too many times already. I have a splitting headache and I need someone's calm logic to help me assess the situation at hand. How do I solve it?


Hello there :welcome:
Really sorry to hear this is going on, and concerned for your own well being.
I am in the UK, so I dont really know the legal side of things re contacts, guessing you are in the US perhaps? I would say that no one here really would be expected to be so knowledgable about things as your mom expects.
You mom doesnt sound too well perhaps? Does she have mental health distress do you know? Can you talk to your Dad about what is happening or is he hard to communicate with also?
You must feel very lonely and isolated.
I really dont think that you are doing anything wrong at all. You sound a good person to me. I had a mom who was very difficult and I could never please her. That was along time ago.
I dont want to project my problems then onto you, but want you to know that my guess is that this is not your fault at all.
I dont know how old you are to give definite advice. It would help if you could tell us a bit more about yourself.
I think my best advice is to start from the point that you are not doing anything wrong. Your mom seems to have some kind of difficulty. Telling her that directly wont help, so you need to talk to someone else.
Thats why I am suggesting your dad or someone you trust.:)
Keep talking here too if it helps.
Best wishes Taffy x


Well-known member
Dec 8, 2012
north east england
You dont mention how old you are but regardless of age this is not right of your mum to treat you this way. You are not stupid anyone under that kind of pressure would make mistake there will be plenty more people along with good ideas and i really have to go as im on way out to drs but i wanted u to know someone read it. Big hugs
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