• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Need a friend who understands

C

Carly1964

New member
Joined
Feb 14, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Ohio
Hello to all. I'm so grateful to have found this forum. I have suffered from depression for many many years. I can't really say that it comes and goes ....it's always here ... somedays worse than others.

I now spend most of the day in bed reading. No desire or motivation to do ANYTHING. Have no interest and find no joy in things I used to love to do ... gardening .. interior design .. traveling, etc. Etc.

I feel that I'm just existing, not living any kind of life. I lie to my family and neighbors about how I'm doing. Nobody understands. I can't keep my house clean or tend to hygiene matters. If I manage to get myself in the shower, I can't wait to get out.

When I had a liife my house was always so clean you cld eat off the floors. Everything was spotless. Now I cld care less. I miss the desire to want to re-design a room in my home. I WANT to WANT that feeling back. I need motivation advice. I'm hoping to find others that maybe have some first hand understanding of how I feel and can offer positive suggestions that have helped them.
I have been on 150 mg of zoloft for years ... doesn't help any more.

Thank you for listening. 🧡
 
A

Almost always in love

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 19, 2020
Messages
65
Location
Scandinavia
Falling in love tend to work for me.. snaps me right out of depression right away most days.

And it can be love for anything I suppose.
Someone special :flower2:, my bed :sleep:, showers 🤽‍♂️ (Ok maybe not showers in your case :oops:), but then maybe flowers🌹🍀🌺🌱, nice food🍓🍉🍳🥪🍩, finding some nice clothes to wear🧦👒👕🧥, maybe a little shopping buying myself a gift or just store-window browsing on the internet...:chill:

Most days that work.. and then some days it does not, because those days Im heartbroken from a failed relationship to what ever I fell in love with. (And the void after.. every day.. maaan :low:)

Soo maybe get a puppy?🐶 Or a cat?🐱 Goldfish?🐳 or something more outdoor'ish - like some chickens or something. 🐓🦃

Seems to help some people.

Or just sit on this forum for awhile.
Maybe nothing helps, but you get a hug here :hug:
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
605
Location
London, ON
You need to get active. More active.

Remember this song?


There's a line about you in it. The whole song is about depression, actually.

You've been dealing with this for a while, so, deep down, you know what's happening and what you need to do, but because depression is blinding you, I'm going to remind you.

Depression makes us apathetic. It dulls our perception of everything, it makes us forget the things that make us happy and alive. We forget what it feels like to be happy, and convinces us we can't be. It's a greedy and selfish mood.

You need to fight it by getting more active. Also - in case you think to yourself "he doesn't get it" - I have like two thousand books, and boxes of comics, and a huge tub of LEGO. I totally get letting reading and stuff take the place of living.

Here's how you start to come back. When you wake up, get up. Get dressed, make your bed. There. You've done two concrete things that you can look at and say "I did this. I didn't totally waste a day."

Eat something. Being hungry makes us cranky, and tired, and apathetic, it magnifies the depression. Step outside for a bit.

Just do a few little things, make some kind of a planned routine for your mornings. Pick one room, and pick up teh stuff off the floor. Re-shelve that pile of books. Little things that give you some validation.

Being depressed is often as much habit as illness. I mean we get so used to the apathy and despair, we never bother to see if it's receded.

I've been where you are. I spent a year basically huddled on teh same corner of my bed, reading a couple books a day, except to walk my dog. The only house work I managed was to keep my bathroom clean. I was terrified of company, because I knew if they saw my place, they'd know how messed up I was.

What I said above was how I started to climb out of it. And it took constant pressure from my Mom, at first, to do it. I'm currently feeling depressed and apathetic, to be honest. The thing that keeps me going, is the habit of activity, teh routine, I created. I need to do more, but I'm doing everything I HAVE to do. I'm removing things that could be an excuse to feel worse.

I refuse to reinforce teh depression by letting my surroundings match my mood.

As a total aside - what kind of stuff are you reading? I'd try for some more light hearted stuff. In a bad period, I was living on a friends couch, super depressed. So I read. Pro-tip - "The Grapes of Wrath" and "Of Mice and Men" are not good books for a bad mood.
 
C

Carly1964

New member
Joined
Feb 14, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Ohio
Thank You sooo much for your words of wisdom. I know you are right in regard to getting up and getting dressed etc. What's happened is that I DO have a morning routine of getting up, going potty, grabing my phone or tablet, crawling back into bed and checking the news, instagram ... and then falling easily into the internet hole for hours.

I think it's my safe place. Like you, I don't want anyone in my house. I am an interior decorator of sorts. I used to own my own home and garden Boutique. I made beautiful silk floral wreaths and wedding bouquets. In my head now ...I WANT to feel the desire to create again. Why can't I even keep my house clean? I don't understand why the clutter doesn't bother me. Why I am willing to just step over the mess?

I also know I need to be active ...it does raise endorphin levels. But I do have a legit excuse for that as I'm having total knee replacement surgery next month. Can barely walk at this point ... also a good excuse to lay in bed and read all day.
You need to get active. More active.

Remember this song?


There's a line about you in it. The whole song is about depression, actually.

You've been dealing with this for a while, so, deep down, you know what's happening and what you need to do, but because depression is blinding you, I'm going to remind you.

Depression makes us apathetic. It dulls our perception of everything, it makes us forget the things that make us happy and alive. We forget what it feels like to be happy, and convinces us we can't be. It's a greedy and selfish mood.

You need to fight it by getting more active. Also - in case you think to yourself "he doesn't get it" - I have like two thousand books, and boxes of comics, and a huge tub of LEGO. I totally get letting reading and stuff take the place of living.

Here's how you start to come back. When you wake up, get up. Get dressed, make your bed. There. You've done two concrete things that you can look at and say "I did this. I didn't totally waste a day."

Eat something. Being hungry makes us cranky, and tired, and apathetic, it magnifies the depression. Step outside for a bit.

Just do a few little things, make some kind of a planned routine for your mornings. Pick one room, and pick up teh stuff off the floor. Re-shelve that pile of books. Little things that give you some validation.

Being depressed is often as much habit as illness. I mean we get so used to the apathy and despair, we never bother to see if it's receded.

I've been where you are. I spent a year basically huddled on teh same corner of my bed, reading a couple books a day, except to walk my dog. The only house work I managed was to keep my bathroom clean. I was terrified of company, because I knew if they saw my place, they'd know how messed up I was.

What I said above was how I started to climb out of it. And it took constant pressure from my Mom, at first, to do it. I'm currently feeling depressed and apathetic, to be honest. The thing that keeps me going, is the habit of activity, teh routine, I created. I need to do more, but I'm doing everything I HAVE to do. I'm removing things that could be an excuse to feel worse.

I refuse to reinforce teh depression by letting my surroundings match my mood.

As a total aside - what kind of stuff are you reading? I'd try for some more light hearted stuff. In a bad period, I was living on a friends couch, super depressed. So I read. Pro-tip - "The Grapes of Wrath" and "Of Mice and Men" are not good books for a bad mood.
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
605
Location
London, ON
Ok, knee surgery gets you out of going for a walk. My sister just had it done, she's laid up for the next few days.

I get how the internet sucks you in. I read most of the Thought Catalogue site last week.

Losing your creativity sucks. I'm an artist, and I stopped doing any art entirely for about 8 years. My skills are still kinda rusty, to be honest.

But - I did start again, and I work at it fairly regularly again. My style and outlook changed a lot, so I'm still trying to pull everything together.

Start small. Start trying to imagine arrangements in your head. Start looking at other people's work. Sooner or later, inspiration will hit. Just start small, doodles.

I think it helps to shake up your usual ways of doing things. Try sitting in a different room. Expand your definition and borders of your safe space. Take back your house!

I keep my studio space in my living room, in part for the psychological benefit of being in a different space than my desk and bedroom.

Small steps. It's a good sign your apathy is starting to bother you, it means you want more. That's a good change.
 
Top