Need a bit of help please

[mrs_hadfield]

Hi, I am new here, sorry for expecting help so quickly, but I am having a problem or well a few actually.

I have a bit of a confused, mashed head at the moment, the reason I put this in attention seekers is because this is the problem I think I have. I self harm and I convinced myself that I do it relieve mentall pain - well now I have realised I don't, I have always been embarrassed about my scars and cuts but never made that much of a deal about hiding them.

When I was younger I used to make myself sick and od on laxatives, throw myself down the stairs and pretend to have hurt my ankle etc... just to get out of school. I still do that now at the age of 22, to get out of work and any situation, I do not like, but to mostly get attention. I can also make myself ill to gain attention from my husband, or get very distressed over almost nothing - but at the time I make it a big deal.

I wrote on here last week that I thought I was imoral because everytime I have taken an overdose of painkillers, high overdoses too, nothing has happened to me, I convinced myself for days that this was the reason why, I still have that reason at the back of my mind, but mostly my attention seeling ways.

I like to gain as much attention in a sexual way as I possibly can, I mean I would literally do anything to get positive male attention. Sometimes even female.

I do not know why I do this though and now it scares me, because I have a child and when attention on me is gone, I don't want to tun to my little girl to get attention.

I am having therapy - CAT with parts of CBT thrown in for good measure, and I do not seem to be getting anywhere, I want to et better but, then I don't - I find comfort in attention I get and my behavioural patterns. I don't know what to say to my therapist, I don't see him until monday and this really upsetting me. (I have been diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder, which explains a few things but not most).

 

[Libra1]

Hi Nrs H and to MHF we are here 24/7

Hope you soon make a lot of new friends. You will find us all helpful and supportive.

 

[Dollit]

Hi Mrs Hadfield. It says beside your name that this is your first ever post so have you joined under two different names?

It's probably best to try to remember that getting a diagnosis of any sort is just the start of things and some behaviour patterns actually take a while to change. We have to work hard to change the habits of a lifetime so give yourself some credit for what you're doing.

Recognizing you have a problem is a good way to begin the battle.

 

[mrs_hadfield]

oops, sorry, I posted this on another forum, I just need as much support as I can get at the moment - there goes the attention seeking again! I am a member of a few forums and that is why I had that part in there, yes this is my first posting here.

I have been diagnosed for a while but I don't think it gets to the root of the problems, I think my attention seeking is worse and I don't fee like I have the time to work at the issues at hand now because I only have 10 sessions left, I have wasted so many sessions with my therapist because I haven't ever been sure of why I am there. I know I have problems but even so, I don't think the ones we address are the most important ones.

 

[Dollit]

When you get referred for CBT or another therapy like it via the NHS the therapist is informed by the GP or psych what areas seem to need work. So that is in a way influenced by what we talk of originally. They keep within quite tight frameworks when it comes to what brief they've been given. I remember being referred to one therapist re the death of my father and it wasn't appropriate but something else could have been worked on and they refused to consider it.

What do you do to address your attention seeking, how do you try to stop it?

 

[mrs_hadfield]

I haven't really tried anything, although it is destructive, it is also comforting in a way. But....the thought I would hurt myself very badly just to get a cuddle. Hmmm, I know it is not right, but I don't even know if I want to change. Hurting myself is just me, it is the only way I can tell if someone cares. Selfish I know, but I don't know what else to do.

 

[Dollit]

Do you have a psychiatrist? That sort of attention seeking is dangerous. It's easy to go too far. You really should be talking to a professional, forums are okay but no one here is qualified we can just do peer support.

 

[mrs_hadfield]

Psychiatrists cannot help me they say as I have BPD, so they passed to on to psychological services, so I have a psychologist who is doing my therapy. If I tell them, they won't believe me. Don't even think hubby does in a way. I have admitted I have needed professional help for a while and doors have been slammed in my face, this therapy is all have and unfortunately not working. I was on anti-depressants but they didn't work as I wasn't that depressed, I asked for mood stabilisers or something to calm me down but they wouldn't help me. So I wouldn't know what else to do, hence the reason I am here. Thank you for your help and reassurance.

 

[Dollit]

Can you ask the psychologist to help you to plan a coping strategy? That helps some people sometimes.

 

[Yellowcoaching]

You seem to have a pretty clear picture of why you are behaving in the way that you are and what you gain by it. Have you been this honest with your therapist? If not then I would recommend having a conversation where you say the same things you have here.

The only advice I can offer is analyse your thinking. What is the result or reward that you are after by behaving in the destructive way? And then think of alternative methods to get it. If you need a cuddle ask for one and so on.

You have pointed this out yourself but part of you doesn't want to change because then you would lose your tools for getting the reaction you want, perhaps if you take control of that part of you and give it some healthier alternatives you would be bale to break free from theis destructive cycle.

 

[daffy]

I was thinking very much along the same lines as yellow. Cant you just go up to ypur partner and give him a cuddle. Or is it that you want his entire attention.

Also do you need hospital treatment for these cuts, because one of these days you may go just that bit too far.

This is going off at another tangent now but just a thought, have you ever considered muchausens disease. This is where people purposly make themselves ill to get attention. Im sure it isnt , only a thought

take carexx