M
mrs_hadfield
Member
Founding Member
Hi, I am new here, sorry for expecting help so quickly, but I am having a problem or well a few actually.
I have a bit of a confused, mashed head at the moment, the reason I put this in attention seekers is because this is the problem I think I have. I self harm and I convinced myself that I do it relieve mentall pain - well now I have realised I don't, I have always been embarrassed about my scars and cuts but never made that much of a deal about hiding them.
When I was younger I used to make myself sick and od on laxatives, throw myself down the stairs and pretend to have hurt my ankle etc... just to get out of school. I still do that now at the age of 22, to get out of work and any situation, I do not like, but to mostly get attention. I can also make myself ill to gain attention from my husband, or get very distressed over almost nothing - but at the time I make it a big deal.
I wrote on here last week that I thought I was imoral because everytime I have taken an overdose of painkillers, high overdoses too, nothing has happened to me, I convinced myself for days that this was the reason why, I still have that reason at the back of my mind, but mostly my attention seeling ways.
I like to gain as much attention in a sexual way as I possibly can, I mean I would literally do anything to get positive male attention. Sometimes even female.
I do not know why I do this though and now it scares me, because I have a child and when attention on me is gone, I don't want to tun to my little girl to get attention.
I am having therapy - CAT with parts of CBT thrown in for good measure, and I do not seem to be getting anywhere, I want to et better but, then I don't - I find comfort in attention I get and my behavioural patterns. I don't know what to say to my therapist, I don't see him until monday and this really upsetting me. (I have been diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder, which explains a few things but not most).
I have a bit of a confused, mashed head at the moment, the reason I put this in attention seekers is because this is the problem I think I have. I self harm and I convinced myself that I do it relieve mentall pain - well now I have realised I don't, I have always been embarrassed about my scars and cuts but never made that much of a deal about hiding them.
When I was younger I used to make myself sick and od on laxatives, throw myself down the stairs and pretend to have hurt my ankle etc... just to get out of school. I still do that now at the age of 22, to get out of work and any situation, I do not like, but to mostly get attention. I can also make myself ill to gain attention from my husband, or get very distressed over almost nothing - but at the time I make it a big deal.
I wrote on here last week that I thought I was imoral because everytime I have taken an overdose of painkillers, high overdoses too, nothing has happened to me, I convinced myself for days that this was the reason why, I still have that reason at the back of my mind, but mostly my attention seeling ways.
I like to gain as much attention in a sexual way as I possibly can, I mean I would literally do anything to get positive male attention. Sometimes even female.
I do not know why I do this though and now it scares me, because I have a child and when attention on me is gone, I don't want to tun to my little girl to get attention.
I am having therapy - CAT with parts of CBT thrown in for good measure, and I do not seem to be getting anywhere, I want to et better but, then I don't - I find comfort in attention I get and my behavioural patterns. I don't know what to say to my therapist, I don't see him until monday and this really upsetting me. (I have been diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder, which explains a few things but not most).