Nearly lost it at work.

[schizolanza]

Today I nearly lost control at work.I felt this rage come over me which was so strong and the urge to smash the place up.I came so close to actually doing it.
I knew I was unhappy at work,but not this unhappy.I've never done anything like it before.I really came close to throwing the computers onto the floor and doing real damage.
I only work 30 hours a week,but it's becoming too much.My performance is going down and it's being noticed.My partner has just finnished shouting at me about it all.Not been a good day really.

 

[Danage]

Today I nearly lost control at work.I felt this rage come over me which was so strong and the urge to smash the place up.I came so close to actually doing it.
I knew I was unhappy at work,but not this unhappy.I've never done anything like it before.I really came close to throwing the computers onto the floor and doing real damage.
I only work 30 hours a week,but it's becoming too much.My performance is going down and it's being noticed.My partner has just finnished shouting at me about it all.Not been a good day really.

I'm sorry to hear about your problems. I would have thought perhaps a break from work, or a different job, might solve your problem.

 

[schizolanza]

I quit my job yesterday.Hope I dont regret it.

 

[Danage]

I quit my job yesterday.Hope I dont regret it.

That was just my advice. Did you talk it over with someone before you did it?

 

[schizolanza]

I was able to talk it over with my partner,and briefly with my therapist.Thankyou.
It really was a case of leaving before I was sacked.I'm still working 12 hours a week at another job.I want to claim DLA again and hopefully get it this time.

 

[Danage]

I was able to talk it over with my partner,and briefly with my therapist.Thankyou.
It really was a case of leaving before I was sacked.I'm still working 12 hours a week at another job.I want to claim DLA again and hopefully get it this time.

That's good that you talked it over. Good luck with your claim for DSA.

 

[Danage]

That's good that you talked it over. Good luck with your claim for DSA.

Sorry that should be DLA. I always get those two mixed up. DSA stands for Disabled Students Allowance, and I receive it as I am Partially Deaf and dyspraxic, which helps in my Higher Education.

 

[Bluemoon]

RE: Olanza

Well I think you made the right decision. I had only been off medication and considered "recovered" for a couple of months just before taking a job in a call centre to pay for my rent over the summer period away from uni'. My performance wasn't up to scratch and I was put under a lot of pressure to improve my "efficiency" - it might have worked better if I'd have told my boss I'd recently recovered from mental health problems but the recruitment agency advised me not to do so. After just several weeks of being there I began to loose a lot of sleep and hated going in, but I needed the job to pay for rent, food etc. I wanted to be independent and so I refused to allow my parents to take care of me during those months. I ended up having a 2nd episode because I didn't listen to what my mind was telling me when things got bad - it took me around six months to recover to a functional level after that one.

 

[Apotheosis]

it took me around six months to recover to a functional level after that one.

After 7 severe "psychotic" episodes; It has taken longer & longer after each episode to recover functionality. Now it seems like there is a blending between the "well" & "insane" states; where as initially I tried to relegate things solely to the past, & move on, & initially to appear to recovery quite quickly; now I am more aware of the states I have been in, & the line which divides them. I suppose in a way that there is an aspect of healing & acceptance involved in this.

 

[Bluemoon]

After 7 severe "psychotic" episodes; It has taken longer & longer after each episode to recover functionality. Now it seems like there is a blending between the "well" & "insane" states; where as initially I tried to relegate things solely to the past, & move on, & initially to appear to recovery quite quickly; now I am more aware of the states I have been in, & the line which divides them. I suppose in a way that there is an aspect of healing & acceptance involved in this.

Despite having 3 episodes ( and two blips since the 3rd one in 2003), I seem to be weathering the storms quite well but there is always that fear of becoming unwell again - even whilst on medication. I was told each episode tends to worsen the symptoms in many cases but I've got my fingers crossed that I'm not going to develop further problems down the line. The current all time record of 5 years since my last episode seems to support this but I feel that I must continue with the medication - especially if I am to succeed with the next stage of employment.

 

[Danage]

Despite having 3 episodes ( and two blips since the 3rd one in 2003), I seem to be weathering the storms quite well but there is always that fear of becoming unwell again - even whilst on medication. I was told each episode tends to worsen the symptoms in many cases but I've got my fingers crossed that I'm not going to develop further problems down the line. The current all time record of 5 years since my last episode seems to support this but I feel that I must continue with the medication - especially if I am to succeed with the next stage of employment.

Someone I know, who works in a unit, says that the longer the episode the worst the outcome will be. The number of episodes also has an impact on getting better.

 

[Bluemoon]

Good, that verifies it then.

 

[suzamatt]

but there is always that fear of becoming unwell again QUOTE]

My therapist asked me if I was fearful of becomming unwell again. I said I wasn't fearful. I just know that at some time it would happen again.

But now I read your words I am not sure.

 

[Danage]

My therapist asked me if I was fearful of becomming unwell again. I said I wasn't fearful. I just know that at some time it would happen again.

But now I read your words I am not sure.

I see my psychosis as more being a friend now, and not so much a problem to be dealt with. The most recent thought invasion has been positive, and not negative, so I assume that if I have a full third psychotic episode that it will be a guiding hand, to help me in life, and not hinder me as it did before.

 

[Bluemoon]

but there is always that fear of becoming unwell again QUOTE]

My therapist asked me if I was fearful of becomming unwell again. I said I wasn't fearful. I just know that at some time it would happen again.

But now I read your words I am not sure.

I try not to think of it because it may never happen again, but the possibility of it troubles me ( feelings of fear ) from time to time. It's a different process and experience for each of us and I wouldn't want my anxieties to generate fear within you. The "taking each day as it comes" attitude tends to work for me quite well though.

 

[Danage]

The "taking each day as it comes" attitude tends to work for me quite well though.

That's a good attitude.

 

[suzamatt]

Yes, I suppose that taking each day as it comes is a good idea. However, my days are often really irratic - i don't know what I will face.

My sister told me some upsetting things about herself on Saturday which made me feel low on Sunday. Sometimes the lows I get don't seem self-created. People in my family off-loading onto me can sometimes be too much to manage when I have to deal with my own self-imposed lows.