Narcisstic PD

[joerom]

Hi,

I wondered if anyone has any experience of this PD.
I'm in a bit of a mess at the moment after several years of things getting on top of me (work, personal life, finances) and started treatment for depression last week after it all came to a head.
I smashed up my kitchen pretty badly (noone was hurt) but I completely snapped after a few trying months both at work and at home.
The problem is that I think my OH suffers from this cndition but is so cunning and convincing, that everyone thinks he is the perfect, funny, loving husband.
However, he is a complusive liar (has been from the day that I met him 16 years ago), compulsive shopper (just spent 4000€ on designer suits for hmself - not one cent for me despite most of this being a bonus I received from work and he can't see or won't admit what the problem is). He is selfish, egotistical, has created a fantasy world where he is going to inherit millions, family owns property that doesn't exist, he's had fabulous jobs that I kow he's never had.
He lies about almost everything and will not listen to anything I say. None of my feelings are ever taken into account, and with our daughter, he is quite happy to make me out to be the worst mother in the world in the hope that she takes his side.
In brief he manipulates peoplewith his lies, cover ups etc.
He came with me when I went to see my GP last week - he would hrdly let me speak and the reason I took him with me was to hear from a professional, her opinion about what is wrong with me instead of his amateur psychology lectures and what he thinks is wrong.
I am at the end of my tether - snapping made it worse for me because I ended up in the police station (without charge however because in this country you cannot be presecuted for breakign your own plates) and I know he will use this against me if it comes to a custody battle.
Does anyone have experience of this? I have a friend in a similar situation, her husband and mine are like book ends, its frightening.
I'm getting treatment for myself, but if he doesn't take my GP's advice and get help himslef (because naturally she cannot be right, as he ALWAYS knows better than anyone else!!!) how can I convince people that I think he has NPD!!! I feel like screaming because his behaviour is a major reason that I am in this situation today. He has everyone fooled and i feel like noone is listening to me!
Any comments most welcome
Thanks

 

[AboveAllOthers]

I know that my personality is fairly off, resembling some parts of antisocial or narcissitic. I would look up anti-social PD and compare what you have said with that.

 

[Dollit]

I've just seen this post because it's been bumped up. Firstly - there isn't necessarily a psychiatric diagnosis at the end of every person who isn't a nice person (for want of a better description). Secondly - and this is more important, NPD is not the sort of thing you can diagnose just by reading about it, it has to be done by psychiatric team. It's also very rare.

Your husband's traits could be fitted to almost anything that you chose. The fact is that you're in an abusive relationship and that is what you should be looking at. I'm presuming you have children and they will pick up on the tension within the family. You have to look at what is best for the family as a whole and not whether your husband has a potential diagnosis to explain why he is the way he is.

The way I see it is that you have two choices - you either stay and hope things don't get worse or you leave. Neither are easy but only you can do that. And concentrate on your own diagnosis - you don't say what that is - look after yourself.

 

[Askim]

Why do I care so much!

I've just seen this post because it's been bumped up. Firstly - there isn't necessarily a psychiatric diagnosis at the end of every person who isn't a nice person (for want of a better description). Secondly - and this is more important, NPD is not the sort of thing you can diagnose just by reading about it, it has to be done by psychiatric team. It's also very rare.

Your husband's traits could be fitted to almost anything that you chose. The fact is that you're in an abusive relationship and that is what you should be looking at. I'm presuming you have children and they will pick up on the tension within the family. You have to look at what is best for the family as a whole and not whether your husband has a potential diagnosis to explain why he is the way he is.

The way I see it is that you have two choices - you either stay and hope things don't get worse or you leave. Neither are easy but only you can do that. And concentrate on your own diagnosis - you don't say what that is - look after yourself.

I ve been married to my husband for almost two years, and we seperated with him locking me out of our home, and after that him pretending like I don't even exist. In a short time we had we have an intense history, but for the purpose details are not necessary. I ve been seeing a psychologist who diagnosed me with post traumatic stress disorder. Talking about my experiences he said my ex is 'probably' suffering from NPD, possibly combined, but diagnosis is not possible unless my ex seeks for testing and help. Thinking about his bad behaviour as some kind of illness makes me feel sorry for him. Although I don't want anything to do with him, I care about him and I think alot about how miserable he is. If I never heard of NPD I would just think he is simply a bad person and I would move on with my life easier. But knowing he is actually such a weak unhappy ill person who needs help makes it difficult for me to ignore the fact that I am the only person who is aware of that. Is it morrally wrong to just walk away and getting on with my own life. I love this men, but he is not normal, he suppressed me with his controlling behaviour, and after I had a miscarriage and loosing my job I was no longer good enough for him. He never denied locking me out because 'that was the sensible thing to do', he wanted to look for some one better! There is something wrong with me for having too much empathy for someone who made me suffer. I wish I could talk to his family and leave the responsibility to them so I could get on with my life without feeling guilty. But I am afraid they would think I am just trying to label him... I wish there was a way to make him get help. I am not the person to diagnose but I know that he is normal, and I know that he will never be happy! How can I turn my back and ignore the men I love have a miserable life, and move on with my own life, unless I know for sure that there is nothing I can do to change that. My therapy sessions were good but it failed as my doctor told me my ex is possibly "suffering from..." . It would have been alot easier for me if I could think that he is just a nasty horrible person! I wish I could curse him for what he made me go through, and tell him to go to hell when he calls me to tell me "he is struggling to forgive me". Is there a way of thinking I can practice to not care about him and actually feel angry with him like you would with a normal person, or alternatively is there a way to make him recognise that he has some personality disorder issues and he could have a better life if he gets professional help? Is something wrong with me caring about someone who possibly don't deserve it. Don't NPD's deserve empathy from their victims.

 

[angry butterfly]

you've had a lucky escape. move forward and don't look back.

 

[Askim]

Thank you both... I know I am doing the right thing keeping away, and I would never go back to him. Interesting thing is I never suffered love pain like this before, but I realise that is due to all the faked emotions, romance and charm I received from him. I didn't particularly enjoy him being too full on, he used to hold me and talk talk about how he feels for me for long periods of time, I don't even remember most of the things he used to say as I would be secretly looking at the time, thinking about things I have to do, when is he going to let me go and how could I get my space without upsetting him! He would time to time tell me that he is aware he is too full on... I can see how someone with a border line could have a good relationship with him. No matter how much I love him and miss him I know that the person I loved is not him but how he presented himself to me. I am lucky I don't have any children, but anyone in my position with children should be even stronger, as they have more reason to break free, they shouldn't let their children develop their personality living with a NPD father, I think.

 

[angry butterfly]

Could'nt agree with you more, especially the bit about children.
You are sooo doing the right thing.