Narcissistic mother

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Lou84

Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2019
Messages
14
Location
Manchester
Yes, you seem very determined to help her and find solutions which is a good sign of your character.
However, being stuck in a cycle of addiction is extremely draining for family members such as yourself. Here is a good link with steps that you can do to help:
10 Steps to Take if an Alcoholic or Addict Refuses Treatment - AddictionCenter

the final steps are
"If all previous attempts have failed, our number one solution will be the last ditch effort to getting your loved one off of drugs, and giving them the health and attention they need to recover. By taking a step back and looking at the last few weeks or months of events, you’ll be able to better determine if your efforts are proving useful or if you need to take one more stab at this."

Then after that the one last stab is: "addiction intervention". Have you tried intervention?
Here is one example that explains it: Addiction Intervention - UK Addiction Treatment Centres
Google intervention to find out more.


Above are some last resort 'life lines' I would call them.
And please don't forget to keep your distance (emotional and physical) to minimise the impact on yourself.
You are just as a valuable a human as your mum. x
It has been years i have had to support her and nothing is getting better im now using drugs way more than i should and i need to sort that out im just so stuck i cant seam to get out of this rut x
 
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dewey

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Jan 16, 2019
Messages
968
It has been years i have had to support her and nothing is getting better im now using drugs way more than i should and i need to sort that out im just so stuck i cant seam to get out of this rut x
Then you need to help yourself.... you need to get your own drug problem sorted before
it effects your own children - then it would just be an endless cycle. You can be the one to stop it.

This is painful, I understand, and even more so because your mother is medically ill. But you need to leave that to social and doctors/nurses.

Come on, it's common sense.

Who else can you help, if you don't help yourself first?
No one.
No one.
No one.
Maybe we want to believe we are different , and you can help others before you help yourself, but can't. No one can.
 
L

Lou84

Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2019
Messages
14
Location
Manchester
Then you need to help yourself.... you need to get your own drug problem sorted before
it effects your own children - then it would just be an endless cycle. You can be the one to stop it.

This is painful, I understand, and even more so because your mother is medically ill. But you need to leave that to social and doctors/nurses.

Come on, it's common sense.

Who else can you help, if you don't help yourself first?
No one.
No one.
No one.
Maybe we want to believe we are different , and you can help others before you help yourself, but can't. No one can.
My problem is due to the bigger picture which is my mother i have to be in a place where i feel strong enough beccause this will still be my issue wether i stop or not theres always that issue thats dragging me back ! I dont want to seem as if im making excuses maybe i am but i just know that i have a huge emotional issue that needs dealing with and unfortunately its out of my controll thank you for uour advice and i need honesty not pitty ehich is what im getting so much appriciated thankuou
 
L

Lou84

Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2019
Messages
14
Location
Manchester
My problem is due to the bigger picture which is my mother i have to be in a place where i feel strong enough beccause this will still be my issue wether i stop or not theres always that issue thats dragging me back ! I dont want to seem as if im making excuses maybe i am but i just know that i have a huge emotional issue that needs dealing with and unfortunately its out of my controll thank you for uour advice and i need honesty not pitty ehich is what im getting so much appriciated thankuou
Ci am fully aware of what im doing isnt the right way but im stuck in a rut feeling low and weak and beating myself up fir doing so but im only human with knobody there to help me im single parent eith 2 children dependant on me which is the only reason im still fighting its hard really is
 
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Lou84

Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2019
Messages
14
Location
Manchester
I beleive with a bit of support it would change alot so thanks to this chat im now looking online for support groups it helps when uou hear peoples veiws ☺
 
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dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
968
My problem is due to the bigger picture which is my mother i have to be in a place where i feel strong enough beccause this will still be my issue wether i stop or not theres always that issue thats dragging me back ! I dont want to seem as if im making excuses maybe i am but i just know that i have a huge emotional issue that needs dealing with and unfortunately its out of my controll thank you for uour advice and i need honesty not pitty ehich is what im getting so much appriciated thankuou
Yes.

It's understandable this has left you with emotional issues, or even life itself has left you with issues, that's natural.
Don't beat yourself up for having emotional issues.
Most people do, some ignore them, some get therapy, some face up to them.
You're in a good position because you want to face up to them and you want to change.

It doesn't sound to me like you're making excuses. It sounds like you're in a place of desperation, which is very human, and okay.

When you said before you hope one day you will be okay, well, I promise you: one day you will be okay. Emotional issues, we're all riding them, right now I'm on a high, but tomorrow I could feel depressed as hell and you might need to support me, that's life. Especially if you have mental health problems.

The issue with you is now how do you take the weight off of you.
Things I'm thinking about:
-your mum can't help you out with the kids, but do you have brothers or sisters that can lend a hand? aunts? friends? anyone? Is dad in the picture? Who can help support you with your kids, in terms of people you trust with your kids?

-does your mum have anyone else in her life who really cares for her and supports her, and can help take the burden off from you? why isn't she getting proper support from social work and medical workers? does she need to go to a rehab clinic?

-get yourself to a support group asap

-get yourself completely clean as soon as possible

I know I'm stating very obvious things here and maybe you need a plan to help you. Which is why i gave you those numbers to ring, those people are trained, and they know solutions which can work. They can help you better than me to support yourself.
 
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dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
968
I beleive with a bit of support it would change alot so thanks to this chat im now looking online for support groups it helps when uou hear peoples veiws ☺
Excellent idea x x
 
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dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
968
Ci am fully aware of what im doing isnt the right way but im stuck in a rut feeling low and weak and beating myself up fir doing so but im only human with knobody there to help me im single parent eith 2 children dependant on me which is the only reason im still fighting its hard really is
Yes you are only human.
Damn right.
 
L

Lou84

Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2019
Messages
14
Location
Manchester
Yes.

It's understandable this has left you with emotional issues, or even life itself has left you with issues, that's natural.
Don't beat yourself up for having emotional issues.
Most people do, some ignore them, some get therapy, some face up to them.
You're in a good position because you want to face up to them and you want to change.

It doesn't sound to me like you're making excuses. It sounds like you're in a place of desperation, which is very human, and okay.

When you said before you hope one day you will be okay, well, I promise you: one day you will be okay. Emotional issues, we're all riding them, right now I'm on a high, but tomorrow I could feel depressed as hell and you might need to support me, that's life. Especially if you have mental health problems.

The issue with you is now how do you take the weight off of you.
Things I'm thinking about:
-your mum can't help you out with the kids, but do you have brothers or sisters that can lend a hand? aunts? friends? anyone? Is dad in the picture? Who can help support you with your kids, in terms of people you trust with your kids?

-does your mum have anyone else in her life who really cares for her and supports her, and can help take the burden off from you? why isn't she getting proper support from social work and medical workers? does she need to go to a rehab clinic?

-get yourself to a support group asap

-get yourself completely clean as soon as possible

I know I'm stating very obvious things here and maybe you need a plan to help you. Which is why i gave you those numbers to ring, those people are trained, and they know solutions which can work. They can help you better than me to support yourself.
Thankyou so much for listening and saying i will be ok i needed to hear that ! My dad died 7 yrs ago and not got any relatives who i could go to for support really we dont see eachother often i have a younger sister whoim close to but shes only young and we do talk but theres not alot she could do x
 
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dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
968
Thankyou so much for listening and saying i will be ok i needed to hear that ! My dad died 7 yrs ago and not got any relatives who i could go to for support really we dont see eachother often i have a younger sister whoim close to but shes only young and we do talk but theres not alot she could do x
It's okay, life can be very painful, I know, so don't worry.
You will get through it though. Things will come back to haunt you sure, but same for everyone. We're all just doing our best, trying to get along.

Yeah it's a tricky one and it's a shame sounds like you don't have any real friends to rely on. Friends can be shitty like that, if you meet one solid friend in your life they're a gem.
If you try and contact your relatives then maybe you might be surprised there might be someone who could offer you support. Like your mum's siblings maybe.

Other than that,
  • search online support groups and forums for drug addiction/families of drug addicts like you said.
  • look up free nhs therapy for YOURSELF in your area - therapy is the one place where you can say what you want and no one will tell anyone, no one will judge you for it, and someone will be there every single week to listen to you. they won't let you down.
  • look for real life support groups for addicts and families of addicts in your areas.
  • go to NA meetings if you can get someone to look after your kids while you go
  • not sure if you're working currently but if you are try to get solid work going for yourself
  • you might need medical support with your drug use
  • see if you can get your mum a proper permanent social care worker. don't know why she doesn't have one?
Don't think that people out there don't care, because some people definitely REALLY care. Like me and urban hermit. For example. And loads more on this forum.
 
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