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Narcissistic husband I shouldn't divorce

Zero One

Zero One

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Thirdly, your hope that the narc will eventually live up to the promise will influence

your behavior toward the narc in a way that is positive to the narc - in other words the narc has control over you. By living up to the promise, the narc gives up control over you, which is narc kryptonite. Lose.
These things don't seem like you are only talking about him, because you're saying you hope the narc will live up to his promise so I don't think I have a misunderstanding. Reading over that last one and maybe you are right ++there are a few subjects and tenses so i can understand if there is a misunderstanding there somehow.
 
Zero One

Zero One

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Okay, that's interesting.

First of all a slight misunderstanding. I was only describing how a narcissist would instinctively view the situation, not how you might view it.

On the other hand, it is a known behavior of narcissists to use money in the way you describe. It can be a way to maintain control, assuming there is considerable money to spare. On yet another hand, your husband might not be a narcissist.

In the situation you describe at the present moment, if he is a narcissist, I find it unlikely he would live up to that particular promise. It would be interesting to find out.
I just think you may have some ideas that apply to narcissists, but there is variance not all of them are angry at the same things or doing the same terrible things. There are some things that I don't want to say it in context to infer it was him. I didn't know such extreme harm would cause me to have so many mental problems. I used to be very good at handling trauma and a lot of people would tell me I am so strong. The voices keep telling me they don't like the way I heal so they had to do this to me.
 
K

Keesha

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These things don't seem like you are only talking about him, because you're saying you hope the narc will live up to his promise so I don't think I have a misunderstanding. Reading over that last one and maybe you are right ++there are a few subjects and tenses so i can understand if there is a misunderstanding there somehow.
Members can’t diagnose people with narcissistic personality disorder, and I highly doubt the disorder manifests exactly the same way in every individual.
Sometimes you have to consider that some have an axe to grind.
 
GretaVon

GretaVon

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These things don't seem like you are only talking about him, because you're saying you hope the narc will live up to his promise so I don't think I have a misunderstanding. Reading over that last one and maybe you are right ++there are a few subjects and tenses so i can understand if there is a misunderstanding there somehow.

I might have chosen my words imprecisely, what I wanted to describe is how a narcissist's narcissism appraises the situation. I did not want to suggest how you in fact were viewing the situation.
 
GretaVon

GretaVon

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I just think you may have some ideas that apply to narcissists, but there is variance not all of them are angry at the same things or doing the same terrible things. There are some things that I don't want to say it in context to infer it was him. I didn't know such extreme harm would cause me to have so many mental problems. I used to be very good at handling trauma and a lot of people would tell me I am so strong. The voices keep telling me they don't like the way I heal so they had to do this to me.

It is true, not all narcissists do the same things. There is considerable variance in their behavior. There are certain principles that seem to apply to all narcissists, but these principles may manifest in different behaviors. In particular, some narcissists have very little understanding of how their negative behavior makes them look in the eyes of others, and therefore act out impulsively. Then there are others who are much more calculated and therefore act in more restrained manner, for example by delaying abusing those they see as threatening their control, waiting for an opportunity in which their abuse might not be noticed by others or be viewed more favorably.
 
Zero One

Zero One

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Members can’t diagnose people with narcissistic personality disorder, and I highly doubt the disorder manifests exactly the same way in every individual.
Sometimes you have to consider that some have an axe to grind.
Hello Keesha

Yes the therapist was telling me things I think she wasn't supposed to--like the results of his psychiatric evaluation Anyways having an axe to grind is a perfect description of him. When he was here he was telling the police that his work has attorneys he can use and he wants to have visitation. My son was happy to see him but I don't want him to have visitation...next thing you know they will say his visits have been good so now he can see my son without supervision, then joint custody uff what a nightmare.

Whoo I was able to make a paragraph 🤣 Sorry if any of it is too weird. I'm having like back to back flashbacks and it is killing me.

Going to take the meds now.
 
Zero One

Zero One

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It is true, not all narcissists do the same things. There is considerable variance in their behavior. There are certain principles that seem to apply to all narcissists, but these principles may manifest in different behaviors. In particular, some narcissists have very little understanding of how their negative behavior makes them look in the eyes of others, and therefore act out impulsively. Then there are others who are much more calculated and therefore act in more restrained manner, for example by delaying abusing those they see as threatening their control, waiting for an opportunity in which their abuse might not be noticed by others or be viewed more favorably.
This sounds more like him. I remember there was a time when I was asking him if it ok for me to quit this job and take care of my son, and he said sure. Next thing I know he is jumping on my head with his knee and cooking rice from the floor (my son kept throwing things away, on the floor and damaging everything) and my son broke the glass from my teaset. When I checked what he made there were some tiny pieces of glass in it, and although I didn't want my son to eat it at all, I knew that he needed to eat. He closed our checking account and opened one for himself so I had no access to money, my car was paid for but I didn't have any gas and it. It ended that my son and myself didn't eat for two days. The sad thing is in this time I was believing delusions. Finally they stopped and then I was able to take care of the car and I got emergency food from the food bank just down the road. The car shut off because of no gas, but this really nice guy bought gas for me.

i have more to write but I need to rest a little.

Oh and lucky my son did not eat that rice.
 
GretaVon

GretaVon

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@Zero One
This is very interesting. If you want to tell us more about your husband's behavior, I will be reading it with great interest.
 
Zero One

Zero One

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I think I will not bother really...I have said enough and is one of the stronger things on my PTSD
 
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