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Narcissism, no friends

Nina1997

Nina1997

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Joined
Jun 26, 2020
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4
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Southampton
I’ve been told the same by alot of people, mostly men I’ve dated, but friends too. I don’t have many friends either, or no close ones anyways. I know what you’re going through and I know it is somehow painful and frustrating not to be able to change. Most people will think because we are narcissists we don’t suffer or we aren’t hurt, but the constant effort I put into showing everyone around me I’m better than they are is draining me. It’s very tiring, but I can’t control myself.

Accept the fact that this is who you are and try to find people who will accept you the way you are( hopefully you will). I think changing is extremely hard and it might not be impossible, but it will probably take a lifetime.
 
B

Blackrose09

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Jun 24, 2020
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Somewhere
Hello, for those who want to change search on youtube for this video: "ramani 10 things narcissists can do to change". Maybe you can learn something useful from dr. Ramani.
 
W

WhySoSerious

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Oct 16, 2019
Messages
267
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UK
The problem with "true" narcissists is that everything is about them. The primary goal is to get their needs met, to be seen as "better" than others, to always get one over on others around them. They often lack any sense of compassion about how their behaviour impacts others because the emotions of others aren't that relevant to them personally. The key focus I would say is being mindful of when your behaviours are self-driven (i.e. when you direct everything back to you rather than the other person).

Nobody wants to be around someone who constantly has to tell you how brilliant they are. Why would you want that? Most people haven't got the tolerance for that, I certainly don't.

Sadly narcissism is often under acknowledged and therefore treatment of it is extremely challenging. Most of the time "true" narcissists don't even seek help - how dare anyone suggest they have a problem, it must be someone else's problem not theirs!

The fact that you can acknowledge it makes me question... are you actually diagnosed with NPD?

There is a massive difference between NPD and someone who likes a lot of validation/attention and praise. Most (not all) NPD clients simply cannot even contemplate that their behaviour is a problem; it is beyond the realm of possibility. To admit that their behaviour is a problem means admitting that they are fallible - that is not an option because to admit that takes away all sense of security and self.

Most MH services won't touch NPD clients at all. Even if you have a diagnosis NPD is generally deemed incurable and as a result (unless you have an extremely specialist therapist) they don't bother trying.
 
M

Mj23

Member
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Canada
Maybe I’m way off but from my own personal experience, I find many people with mental disorders to be a bit more narcissistic than average. If you have problems with thought processes then you are probably constantly second guessing all your thoughts and actions and putting them under scrutiny yet a true narcissist doesn’t care.

I don’t think it’s a good idea to self diagnose or label yourself as anything. It’s not a healthy thing to do.
This type of reply is common but no offense, I don’t think it helps. I think knowing what is going on and owning it, as grey as it may seem, helps the recovery process. I personally never been diagnosed NPD and I don’t need anyone to tell me. I know I have something very similar to NPD with all the shades of grey implied in calling it. Seeing clear shapes in the fog is what differences safety people than life changing people.
 
M

Mj23

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Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Canada
So, this is just my two cents but I don’t think you’re a narcissist. Three things that tell me you’re not are the fact that you’re worried about it, the fact that you have low self-esteem and actually the fact that you have no friends. A person with true NPD wouldn’t care that they were a narcissist because they would have to have a conscience to care that they are hurting other people. Just being self-centered doesn’t make you a narcissist. Extremely caring shy people who spend a lot of time alone can be very self-centered as well. and uneducated people can mislabel this as narcissism but it is actually closer to the opposite-being too conscientious. Narcissists think they are great and amazing and can do no wrong and even if they do oh well duck it. They practically are incapable of hating themselves and don’t spend a lot of time in self-reflection. Also, most true narcissists have tons of fake, shallow friends who like them for surface reasons and the NPD person thinks this publicity is enough and doesn’t strive for deeper connections. I think all people have narcissistic traits or go through times in their life when they are more or less narcissistic, but I doubt you have a malignant personality disorder.
I think it is a wrong believe that people dealing with unhealthy narcissism can’t declare it. People not dealing with this condition should definitely think about it more rather than repeating what everyone says.
 
M

Mj23

Member
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Canada
The problem with "true" narcissists is that everything is about them. The primary goal is to get their needs met, to be seen as "better" than others, to always get one over on others around them. They often lack any sense of compassion about how their behaviour impacts others because the emotions of others aren't that relevant to them personally. The key focus I would say is being mindful of when your behaviours are self-driven (i.e. when you direct everything back to you rather than the other person).

Nobody wants to be around someone who constantly has to tell you how brilliant they are. Why would you want that? Most people haven't got the tolerance for that, I certainly don't.

Sadly narcissism is often under acknowledged and therefore treatment of it is extremely challenging. Most of the time "true" narcissists don't even seek help - how dare anyone suggest they have a problem, it must be someone else's problem not theirs!

The fact that you can acknowledge it makes me question... are you actually diagnosed with NPD?

There is a massive difference between NPD and someone who likes a lot of validation/attention and praise. Most (not all) NPD clients simply cannot even contemplate that their behaviour is a problem; it is beyond the realm of possibility. To admit that their behaviour is a problem means admitting that they are fallible - that is not an option because to admit that takes away all sense of security and self.

Most MH services won't touch NPD clients at all. Even if you have a diagnosis NPD is generally deemed incurable and as a result (unless you have an extremely specialist therapist) they don't bother trying.
This post is full of biased statements based on what « everyone thinks » . Useless.
 
M

Mj23

Member
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Canada
How do I cure Narcissism? Is it even curable? I feel like I don’t have much friends because I’m a narcissist but I can’t help it. I been meditating and practicing how to put myself in other people’s shoes but I feel like there are so much things wrong with me (health problems wise) that I can’t help but be self centered and make it all about me. I feel like because I have no friends and not a lot of people like me it makes my narcissism worse because my ego has to compensate in order to make myself feel better but that in turn causes less people to like me so it’s like a self defeating cycle if that makes sense. How do I stop being a narcissist? I can’t afford therapy at the moment I am dirt poor
I can totally relate to your story. Too bad you have deleted your account. Hope you are ok.
 
Keesha

Keesha

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
1,505
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This type of reply is common but no offense, I don’t think it helps. I think knowing what is going on and owning it, as grey as it may seem, helps the recovery process. I personally never been diagnosed NPD and I don’t need anyone to tell me. I know I have something very similar to NPD with all the shades of grey implied in calling it. Seeing clear shapes in the fog is what differences safety people than life changing people.
That’s ok. You can disagree all you want. That doesn’t mean I’m going to change my mind though. I was raised by two sadistic narcissists.
 
Keesha

Keesha

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Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
1,505
Location
N/A
The problem with "true" narcissists is that everything is about them. The primary goal is to get their needs met, to be seen as "better" than others, to always get one over on others around them. They often lack any sense of compassion about how their behaviour impacts others because the emotions of others aren't that relevant to them personally. The key focus I would say is being mindful of when your behaviours are self-driven (i.e. when you direct everything back to you rather than the other person).

Nobody wants to be around someone who constantly has to tell you how brilliant they are. Why would you want that? Most people haven't got the tolerance for that, I certainly don't.

Sadly narcissism is often under acknowledged and therefore treatment of it is extremely challenging. Most of the time "true" narcissists don't even seek help - how dare anyone suggest they have a problem, it must be someone else's problem not theirs!

The fact that you can acknowledge it makes me question... are you actually diagnosed with NPD?

There is a massive difference between NPD and someone who likes a lot of validation/attention and praise. Most (not all) NPD clients simply cannot even contemplate that their behaviour is a problem; it is beyond the realm of possibility. To admit that their behaviour is a problem means admitting that they are fallible - that is not an option because to admit that takes away all sense of security and self.

Most MH services won't touch NPD clients at all. Even if you have a diagnosis NPD is generally deemed incurable and as a result (unless you have an extremely specialist therapist) they don't bother trying.
Great post.
 
J

Jomp

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Joined
Jul 25, 2020
Messages
132
Location
UK
How do I cure Narcissism? Is it even curable? I feel like I don’t have much friends because I’m a narcissist but I can’t help it. I been meditating and practicing how to put myself in other people’s shoes but I feel like there are so much things wrong with me (health problems wise) that I can’t help but be self centered and make it all about me. I feel like because I have no friends and not a lot of people like me it makes my narcissism worse because my ego has to compensate in order to make myself feel better but that in turn causes less people to like me so it’s like a self defeating cycle if that makes sense. How do I stop being a narcissist? I can’t afford therapy at the moment I am dirt poor
I can relate to this, as I have a condition to which narcissism is prevalent.

I've not read the other comments, but for what it's worth: the issue is that you don't want friends; you want what friends represent.

You're looking to use people to fill a void in your life, and people don't like being used. People don't usually go looking for friends to fix a problem, they find friends organically as they go through life.

So, instead of trying to manufacture ways of making friends, you need to create a more personally interesting life that will give you something else to focus on and, as a by-product, make you more likeable to others who share common interests.

The other thing to ask yourself is, "Do you really want friends and are you willing to put in the leg-work to maintain those relationships?"
 
Keesha

Keesha

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I feel like I have to be hard on myself because my personality pushes people away. If I don’t push myself to change I will be living a very lonely life. Tired of being alone.
I see your account is closed but I’m going to answer this anyway.
If your personality is what pushes people away then that suggests you are probably harsh on others.

I’m no therapist but I think it’s easy to conclude that if you ARE harsh on others, out of habit, and snap at others. This is what I do also.

Many people who are like this usually come from a dysfunctional family and are riding out the consequences of that.

Due to my dysfunctional body & personality , I’m shunned and often abused by others sometimes so my solution is to stay away from them as often as possible. It works for me and if it doesn’t work for them, too fucking bad. I have just as much right as every other person to live in peace and harmony within my surroundings.
 
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WhySoSerious

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
267
Location
UK
I see your account is closed but I’m going to answer this anyway.
If your personality is what pushes people away then that suggests you are probably harsh on others.

I’m no therapist but I think it’s easy to conclude that you ARE harsh on others, therefore, out of habit, you snap at others. This is what I do also.

Many people who are like this usually come from a dysfunctional family and are riding out the consequences of that.

Due to my dysfunctional body & personality , I’m shunned and often abused by others sometimes so my solution is to stay away from them as often as possible. It works for me and if it doesn’t work for them. Too fucking bad. I have just as much right as every other person to live in peace and harmony within my surroundings.
That sounds awfully brave! I can' think of anything worse than staying away from people! It shows we all have very different needs and goals! Good for you!
 
Keesha

Keesha

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That sounds awfully brave! I can' think of anything worse than staying away from people! It shows we all have very different needs and goals! Good for you!
Thank you. I do it out of necessity. Of course I’d prefer if things were different but I’d rather accept the reality of how it is rather than delude myself, which just hurts forever and a day. It’s much easier getting along with myself and have a joyful existence than keep trying to fit in. I’m just so done with that crap. 😏 And, trust me, it’s a huge relief. 😎
 
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