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Narcissism, no friends

JessisMe

JessisMe

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I think too that mindfulness can help with the changes you would like to make in your behavior.
If you are aware of a behavior you would like to change while you are taking part in it you can either change in the moment or make note of it to work on changing the next time you are in that situation. If your behavior has negatively impacted specific people maybe let them know that you feel bad about your behavior and have resolved to change. Work on each behavior you would like to change individually and one at a time, be consistent until these new behaviors become habit.
Easier said than done but I think that the insight you have to your behavior and your judgement about it provides an opportunity to change that behavior and that’s a great thing.
 
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Narcissist714

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Thanks everyone for the replies. I been doing some thinking and I think my narcissism shows up the most while being in a relationship. I’ve written journals in the past when I was dating a few girls and I’ve noticed something. Whenever I was feeling insecure in the relationship or felt like the girl I was dating wasn’t giving me enough attention I would find ways to feel superior over them.

When I felt like they were losing interest, I would put them down or make them feel unwanted either by talking to other girls to make them jealous, making myself physically and emotionally unavailable, or show them that I was losing interest so that they would want me more and give me more attention which made me feel better about myself. When these tactics worked I really did feel a lot better. It’s always been like that with Almost every relationship. Things would start out good in the beginning and as soon as I sense they were losing interest or simply not giving me more attention/love I would start making them feel unwanted.

I don’t think they were losing interest in me, I think it was just me being insecure which made me do these things.

I remember at a young age my father abused me physically and mentally. He held a knife to my throat one time and threaten to kill me. One time a teacher complained of bad behavior and he and my mom made me wear a homeless sign that they made up and told me to repeat the words: I am a homeless. I am worthless. I need money.

They did that to teach me a lesson and I thought it was messed up. I really think all of this comes from the trauma in my childhood.
Not sure how to boost my self esteem and self worth..
 
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Elisante

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What the hell is wrong with your parents?
Anyway, I can relate to the "I have no friends left" part, even though I'm not a narcissist. I even made a thread about that. I guess you have to find people who are able to put up with you. It's really weird that a) you recognise that you are a narcissist and b) that you want to change. And it's probably a good sign. Trying to develop a healthy self esteem as others suggested is a good idea. Since all your problems stem from there, it won't be any help to try and correct your behaviour first.
 
daffy

daffy

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I think that maybe you can help yourself. Most narcissist do not realise what they are doing and how they are hurting those around them both mentally and physically . But you seem to understand that theres something wrong in your behaviour and you also have the history of childhood abuse,verabally. I dont know if your parents were physically abusive or neglectful because these can be the reasons that people get narcissistic traits. So they can live in an imaginary world where that are loved and clever. I do think that you could change the way you think with talking therapy. It may take some time but I’m sure you will get there as you already understand that your behaviour is unusual
 
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Narcissist714

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What the hell is wrong with your parents?
Anyway, I can relate to the "I have no friends left" part, even though I'm not a narcissist. I even made a thread about that. I guess you have to find people who are able to put up with you. It's really weird that a) you recognise that you are a narcissist and b) that you want to change. And it's probably a good sign. Trying to develop a healthy self esteem as others suggested is a good idea. Since all your problems stem from there, it won't be any help to try and correct your behaviour first.
I know it’s weird that I recognize myself as a narcissist but I been denying it for years. When my older brother first pointed it out to me I denied it but now I can definitely see it manifest in all of my relationships. My only friend (the one I’m living with now) is starting to think I am one too. I been told by many people that they think I’m a narcissist.

I wan to change because I have no friends and tired of being alone and I can’t bear the loneliness anymore..and this is the time I need Support from people the most since I am physically sick and about to go through treatment that may or may not work.

I’m tired of carrying all this baggage by myself. The question is how am I going to boost my self esteem and self worth?? Not sure what to do
 
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Narcissist714

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I think that maybe you can help yourself. Most narcissist do not realise what they are doing and how they are hurting those around them both mentally and physically . But you seem to understand that theres something wrong in your behaviour and you also have the history of childhood abuse,verabally. I dont know if your parents were physically abusive or neglectful because these can be the reasons that people get narcissistic traits. So they can live in an imaginary world where that are loved and clever. I do think that you could change the way you think with talking therapy. It may take some time but I’m sure you will get there as you already understand that your behaviour is unusual
I been physically and verbally abused by both my dad and older brother when younger. Also bullied at school. I remember one time I had a panic attack and told my dad i can’t breathe and he said go drop dead then. Another time he threatened to kill me and said he made me so he has the right to kill me.

So are u saying that I can boost my self esteem and self worth by continuing to talk about my problems?
 
daffy

daffy

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I think you need to talk with a psychologist that understands the illness and can help you work thru it. You really need someone who is fully trained in this area. If you have a CPN or a p/doc talk to them and tell them what you’ve been thru
Have you been diagnosed with NPD or is it just something you worry about. It could just be that your suffering low self esteem and need help to improve that. It is rare for a narcissist to acknowledge thats what they are, as they dont see any problem with their behaviour
 
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Elisante

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I know it’s weird that I recognize myself as a narcissist but I been denying it for years. When my older brother first pointed it out to me I denied it but now I can definitely see it manifest in all of my relationships. My only friend (the one I’m living with now) is starting to think I am one too. I been told by many people that they think I’m a narcissist.

I wan to change because I have no friends and tired of being alone and I can’t bear the loneliness anymore..and this is the time I need Support from people the most since I am physically sick and about to go through treatment that may or may not work.

I’m tired of carrying all this baggage by myself. The question is how am I going to boost my self esteem and self worth?? Not sure what to do
How are you going to boost your self esteem? That's the question. Find something you are good at. Or find a supportive friend that you can talk about it. You can solve a lot of problems by simply talking.
To be honest this forum is more about emotional support than practical solutions. We wouldn't need therapy otherwise. And unfortunately this forum does not have a subforum about narcissism so it is also hard to find people like you and get advice.
 
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Narcissist714

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I think you need to talk with a psychologist that understands the illness and can help you work thru it. You really need someone who is fully trained in this area. If you have a CPN or a p/doc talk to them and tell them what you’ve been thru
Have you been diagnosed with NPD or is it just something you worry about. It could just be that your suffering low self esteem and need help to improve that. It is rare for a narcissist to acknowledge thats what they are, as they dont see any problem with their behaviour
I can’t afford to see one right now because I have no health insurance. I diagnosed myself through an online test and it said I have it. I know that doesnt count as a real diagnosis but many people have called me one including my family and ex friends, ex girlfriends. The symptoms of npd matches my thinking.
 
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Hachi

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I can’t afford to see one right now because I have no health insurance. I diagnosed myself through an online test and it said I have it. I know that doesnt count as a real diagnosis but many people have called me one including my family and ex friends, ex girlfriends. The symptoms of npd matches my thinking.
How do people graduate where you live? You see here the Universities have a medical center where the students that are seniors can attend people for free while being supervised. They have a waiting list, but you do get the help you need at some point, especially if you need a Psychological evaluation, that list is usually shorter because they have an especific number of sessions.
 
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Narcissist714

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That sounds like a good idea. I think I’ll check out the campuses around me and see if they offer free psychological services. Thanks
 
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StuckandTired

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So, this is just my two cents but I don’t think you’re a narcissist. Three things that tell me you’re not are the fact that you’re worried about it, the fact that you have low self-esteem and actually the fact that you have no friends. A person with true NPD wouldn’t care that they were a narcissist because they would have to have a conscience to care that they are hurting other people. Just being self-centered doesn’t make you a narcissist. Extremely caring shy people who spend a lot of time alone can be very self-centered as well. and uneducated people can mislabel this as narcissism but it is actually closer to the opposite-being too conscientious. Narcissists think they are great and amazing and can do no wrong and even if they do oh well duck it. They practically are incapable of hating themselves and don’t spend a lot of time in self-reflection. Also, most true narcissists have tons of fake, shallow friends who like them for surface reasons and the NPD person thinks this publicity is enough and doesn’t strive for deeper connections. I think all people have narcissistic traits or go through times in their life when they are more or less narcissistic, but I doubt you have a malignant personality disorder.
 
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karl7

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the fact that you want to change is a great sign
 
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Narcissist714

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So, this is just my two cents but I don’t think you’re a narcissist. Three things that tell me you’re not are the fact that you’re worried about it, the fact that you have low self-esteem and actually the fact that you have no friends. A person with true NPD wouldn’t care that they were a narcissist because they would have to have a conscience to care that they are hurting other people. Just being self-centered doesn’t make you a narcissist. Extremely caring shy people who spend a lot of time alone can be very self-centered as well. and uneducated people can mislabel this as narcissism but it is actually closer to the opposite-being too conscientious. Narcissists think they are great and amazing and can do no wrong and even if they do oh well duck it. They practically are incapable of hating themselves and don’t spend a lot of time in self-reflection. Also, most true narcissists have tons of fake, shallow friends who like them for surface reasons and the NPD person thinks this publicity is enough and doesn’t strive for deeper connections. I think all people have narcissistic traits or go through times in their life when they are more or less narcissistic, but I doubt you have a malignant personality disorder.
I really think I am just based on all the people who told me I am. Everybody who have lived with me has told me I am. It affects my relationships to the point I don’t have any friends and my brother has been telling me for years that I am but I denied it for years but now I see how it affects my relationships. I’m planning to get a psych evaluation from a university campus to get an actual diagnosis
 
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