- Nov 18, 2021
hmmm I do see number 1 in myself, trying to have control over people, I don’t do this with all people just the odd person, usually someone who is close like a significant other.
I also see number 4 in me residual benefits, I do this with a few people but it’s like I-refused to see it as exploitive or wrong, I knew it was deep down but felt no remorse.
The other 2 I don’t notice in me. I want to stop these things I do though like trying to have control or being selfish looking for residual benefits from people. I don’t want to be this way, it’s not right & I do feel guilt now that I can see it clearly. I couldn’t see it for such a long time, or I refused to see it.
As I have nigh narcissistic traits but not NPD I should be able to actively change these ways? I am more mindful already I feel.
Assuming you are describing yourself accurately, the conclusion would be that you are a non-NPD, there are several indicators to that effect, especially where you state you can feel guilt.
Let's be clear about this: Normal people do the same things that narcissists do. But they do those things sporadically and inconsistently. Especially a tendency to seek the first two prime aims could position a person as a high-narcissistic normal person.
To identify a narcissist one needs to analyze the person's behavior over a long time (many data points) and see if the behavior is consistently that of a narcissist. It is not enough to look at the prime aims as such, but more at behaviors associated with them and also what the person DOESN'T do, which a normal person would do, such as exhibiting genuine emotional empathy toward others.
Sometimes only a few events can raise strong suspicion, such as when a politician laughs out loud when located in a natural disaster zone, and only a little later is found out to be a plagiarist.
Knowing what the prime aims of the narcissist are, can indeed be helpful in avoiding actions associated with them.
Prime aim C is usually not a problem, since first of all it is rather benign and secondly it is unlikely to turn up in a normal person.
Then prime aim D is rather basic, we all (most?) want sex and money, and the thing is just to approach these goals in a healthy and moral manner.