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Name change

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Tania82

New member
Joined
Apr 7, 2015
Messages
4
Hello there.
I am new here and I really need to talk about my issue...which is really strange...I understand.
Well my problem is that I have lived all my life (I am 32) with a very irritating thing...my parents called me one thing and christened another.
So basically all my family and friends and in school always called me Tania but my real name is Charity.
This is because Charity is my grandmother's name and my mother hated it but she called me like her anyway but she really couldn 't stand it so she kept on calling me tania and nobody corrected her.

4 years ago I started to feel very very very depressed about this thing, at work most of people were joking me 'cause they didin't know how to call me and they called me charity/ tania just to piss me off.

Plus charity is a real ...heavy name and it's very easy to be mocked if yiu
are called like that.

So I decided to change it by deed poll and now my official name is actually tania.

You would say...ok, end of the story.
No! Cause I feel like I just complicated things.
People still call me charity and and I don't really know how to explain "hey I changed my name you know". Yes, of course most of the people know me as tania but many (especially at work) know about Charity.
Plus at job interviews when they ask me about references from my previous jobs adn when I tell them I changed my name...I don't know, I feel like this sound very suspicious.
I feel stupid.
I am ashamed ...people know that. plus i always have to explain my previous name in official situations.

So it's actually 4 years I am really depressed about this...I feel like a ...I don't know, everybody knows i changed my name cause i felt embarassed not because i was actually called something else.

Do u have similar experiences? Anyone of your friends? What would u think if a friend/colleague of yours would change his/her name to his/her preferred name?
DoES this sound weird? how so I make people call me by my real name (now)

thanks and sorry if all this sounds so strange
 

MarlieeB

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Jan 15, 2013
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25,044
:welcome: to the forum

My uncle is called a different name than he was given. He's never changed it officially though and I have never heard anyone call him by his real name. Even when he got married they didn't call him by his actual name.
 
SarahD

SarahD

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Oct 21, 2014
Messages
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Location
UK
My Dad came from a large family and almost everyone was called by their middle name or another name altogether! I have no idea why.

A lot of people do change their names, for all sorts of reasons, often they just don't like the name they have been given.

If you have to explain why you have a different name, to prospective employers etc, I would just say you changed it to the one you were known.by. Also as you introduce yourself to new people by your chosen name, they will know you by that name, and even among those who knew the old name it will become less important.

Welcome to the forum Tania, hope it will be helpful and you will enjoy it.

Sarah
 
T

Tania82

New member
Joined
Apr 7, 2015
Messages
4
So how would you act when in a same group of people I am called by two names?
Would u explain? Would you let it go?
A lof of people still call me charity 'cause it sounds funny.
many who know me as tania don't even know I was called charity before !
 
SarahD

SarahD

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Oct 21, 2014
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It would depend how I was feeling. I would probably say "Tania is my name and I would like you to call me that". Most people would do that if you prefer it. If anyone makes a,joke, I would just ignore it and try not to get wound up about it. With some people, if they see they are getting to you they will just keep on.

Actually I rather like the name Charity! But I can see how you feel about it. Maybe you will have to change your job to get away from this. Also our name is very closely linked to how we perceive ourselves to be, so your negative feelings about your name make you feel bad about yourself. You feel better as Tania, just be persistent and eventually all or most people will know you as Tania.
 
T

Tania82

New member
Joined
Apr 7, 2015
Messages
4
It's like getting rid of a nickname.
I don't work at the moment but I'd like so much to go back abroad because I worked very longtime in a country but...and I know this is so silly, I feel like I am ashamed cause most of the people I know there they know me by my former name and I know all this explaining would make me so depressed.
plus like you many prefer and remember more charity cause you know how it works with virtue names.
i feel like I am stuck
do you think it's possible to live beng known by two names?
 
SarahD

SarahD

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Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,095
Location
UK
Well it is possible. The more I think about it the more examples I can find. My uncle had one name in the wider family, but his wife and children knew him by another name. My brother uses one version of his name for family and another for friends. Even my ex husband was known as one name at work and another to the family. It is not uncommon.

The problem for you is that you really dislike the name you have been known by, and it is causing you distress.

If you decide to go back to the country you worked in, you can just say you are known by your other name now.

I do understand this is a big problem for you. I am not trying to make light of it. It is making you depressed. However it seems to me that persisting in making the change known to people you are involved with, is the best way forward. You could try therapy but I am not sure how that would help.
 
T

Tania82

New member
Joined
Apr 7, 2015
Messages
4
I am actually already doing therapy and for some reason I can't still really accept what I've done.
Tania is the name I really feel it's me but I understand I've lived 28 years as Charity for some people.
I don't know if it's just me being paranoid or it's actually a real problem.
So u think I should tell people as many times as I can and not just living it as I had a nickname? The point is that if I don't correct people they all go for charity...it seems to me a useless war!
"Hey...sorry to interrupt...I actually changed name.
I really wonder how transsexuals do.
Anyway thanks for your comments, really.
 
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