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Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
41,327
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
hi
i realised i have lots of threads on here ,about my physical health and bf hermits
so i was getting confused so thought i would make a new one and stick to it

so some background ,i have BPD ,mixed anxiety and depression and OCD
hermit has diagnosis of BPD but we think that is wrong and that he has bipolar-which was his original diagnosis

we met on this forum ,just over 2 years ago ,we now live together ,and i am very dependent upon him x

8 weeks ago his coughing got worse ,he saw the gp ,they said his chest was clear ,hermit told me they said he has asthma-which he had when he was younger ,he has an inhaler and had to have a peak flow test ,which was slightly lower than normal but still quite high x

then he got his blood test results back ,the blood test was routine as a new patient

the gp said he had high cholestoral ,a fatty liver ,diabetes ,he also has acid reflux

i have been obsessed for the last 2 months he is going to die ,he said the doctor said his chest was clear ,and that he was ok x

i am worried that he might have
lung cancer/heart failure/emphasiyma

i have been very very unwell because of this ,anxiety awful ,high paranoia ,depression .and ocd awful ,with suicidal thoughts

as far as i know-i have been told he has been told he is well

but i don't believe this
my mum had lots of physical health problems when i was a child ,and when i was older-it truly was awful and the way she died was horiffic ,she was my carer ,then my aunt was-she is now 93 and lives with us ,now hermit takes care of me
we look after each other ,but i rely heavily on him

i have a awful terrible fear of being alone , apart from the 2 people i live with ,i have no one in my life
im 41 he is 45

a week ago ,i had an EGC and smear test ,am still waiting for the results of smear test ,im worried as many cancers run in my mums family ,and her sisters ,mum and nieces died young of cancer

my ECG showed up irregularities ,i am seeing the GP tomorrow ,i have been told i will need to wear a heart tape monitor
i don't know what else they will say yet

im worried about who will look after our beagle
im worried hermit will die and i waon't be able to keep my beagle ,i could not look after her on my own

part of me wants my EGC to show i am very unwell and have limited life left ,this is because i don't want to be alive without hermit
im worried about being alone
i just want ten years with him
i don't want him to die ,i am so scared x

hermit sees the gp on friday ,he insists he is fine but i begged him to go back to the gp about his cough and he said he will

sorry for yet another thread ,its just i have so many interwoven about the same things
thanks for reading ,sorry it was long x
Lu x
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
41,327
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
hermit said at his last visit with the doctor ,his cough was caused by acid reflux and asthma
i think its something much worse
i just can't help it x
 
N

natalie

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Aug 1, 2014
Messages
18,591
Hi Lu,

I was remembering about you recently.

I am sure that you will turn out to be ok, heart wise in the end,. I am routing for you that you will pull through, and put all of that behind you.


I do hope that Hermit, doesn't have anything drastically seriously wrong. If they siad, his chest is clear, and the has the return of asthma, and try to believe that will be the case.


I just hadn't realised that you had a few other condiitons about you. How are you mentally at the moment? In terms of your anxieties, i seriously do think that you ought get back, to the community mental health team, please do so contacting your GP for a referall, or call the crisis team.


I do wish you, and Hermit, very well in the future. All the best of all 3 of you including Star.


Have a hopeful good weekend.


Best regards,


Natalie.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
41,327
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
also ,the doctor ha not talked to me about his cough ,its causing friction between us that i don't believe what he tells me the gp said to him
im just so worried x
 
N

natalie

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Hi,

I seriously do think, that you ought to visit the GP his, with him, that way you'll know directly what the GP says, and any evidence the GP might have, to try reassure you, that is nothing more serious than the asmtha, and also for the reflux, there is a med, that the GP can prescribe, to help.


Best regards.
 
N

natalie

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I am in agreement with Softrain.


Best regards , Lu.
 
Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

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Mar 1, 2021
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4,686
Location
California
Hi Lu,
Please try not to worry. It is good that you are writing your worries out here. I hope that helps. However, Hermit is probably okay and the worrying is not good for you.
I worry a lot too. I rely heavily on my husband, too much. I can relate to some of what you wrote as I don't want to live longer than him as well. I struggle through things and am so grateful to him.
Enjoy Star and Hermit. They are here now and will probably be with you for a very long time. I know it's easier said than done when our minds are worried and those worries become feelings.
Still I hope you will feel well and some peace.
Please do something really kind for you today. Order candles or take a hot bath. Get a manicure. You need to do something nice for you to help relax. You deserve to feel better. xo 💗
 
A

ALLNMYHEAD

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TEXAS
Take it one day at a time. Looking to far into the future can overwhelm anyone. Yall are both still alive and still together with no terminal diagnosis so be thankful for all of that instead of dwelling on the "what if's".

And dont worry about the heart monitor tape. I wore one last month for almost 2 weeks. Its just so they can see the bigger picture of what your heart is doing on a daily basis instead of what its doing in the very limited time you are in their office. In a lot of cases they will turn to the heart tape monitor when they find nothing out of the ordinary on your visit. Thats what they did with me. My ECG and EKG and exam were all clear so they had me wear the tape. You will go about your day and hardly even notice its there.
 
wednesday addams

wednesday addams

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Aug 20, 2021
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USA
I live alone, I am alone. I have cried my eyes out because I don't want to be alone. Miss Lu, you at least have two people who live with you. I lived in fear for a long time because I was afraid to lose my parents. They are gone now and I'm alone. I think we are stronger than we know. I was terrified about what would happen to me when mom and dad passed. I'm still alive, we must go on and we can.❤
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
41,327
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
thanks ,i just got back ,i have cardiac arrythmia ,which they said was pretty harmless
i have to wait 3-6 months for a tape t be fitted!

thanks for all support

now im worried about hermits appointment tomorrow ,as for me going in with him to see what they say ,i don't think he would want me too to be honest x
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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England
Hi Lu,
I'm so glad you got your results, lots of people live with heart irregularity and some take meds, I'm sure the 48 hr or 24hr heart recording will show in more detail.
Hugs for you.
I know you can't help worrying.
Many of us are the same, you've been thru a lot.
We are here for you and UH.
Hugs
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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Location
England
Lu, I have asthma and I cough regularly because of it. It's nothing to worry about, it's just annoying, that's all. It just feels like you've got a little bit of fluid in your lungs or something at times and need a cough. But the inhalers work like a dream and there're nothing more to it. I've had asthma all my life, no problems since I've had inhalers to use. Just coughing now and then.

As for your own things: one we now know is okay, the doctors have told you so, and you can wait to see about the other one, but try not to assume the worst before you know anything. You know you do this so remind yourself to take a breath and not worry yourself unduly. I know and you know that this is your anxiety and OCD talking for you, so practice the techniques that prevent your mind and thoughts and worries from running away from you. Try to relax and not overthink. Just give your Beagle an extra squeeze when you're feeling worried. Feel better soon.
 
N

natalie

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Joined
Aug 1, 2014
Messages
18,591
Hi All,

I agree try not to worry too much.

Also, try listening to music. Music iwll help you out Lu, temporarily and long term.


Best regards,

To you and uh,

Natalie.
 
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