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My years long ocd, cured in days.

U

ulinerjohn

New member
Joined
Dec 2, 2014
Messages
2
To me OCD is very simple . When a negative thought comes .... you have some time to choose a reaction to that thought . The thought just wants to pull you in a negative emotional state , that is his job . The thought can come from anywhere actually, your mind , TV , newspaper ... whatever . So you can choose to not go in that split of a second to the path the thought chose for you . You can have a positive reaction when the thought comes ... by laughing at the thought , you can use your breath also to help you with that . So the emotion doesnț get a hold of you . What else can it do , if you donț feel negatively ? It can program you to drink and ruin your life, or harm yourself or any crazy stuff like that . BUT , you have reason for that . So you can choose any action after that thought comes for you to do . And doing sports , eating clean or whatever ... is in your power to do . So what power does the thought have really ? It is just a thought , it has little energy . BUT if you get depressed about thoughts , and ruin your life because of that ... .well ... that is in your power also . Negative thoughts happen to all people on this earth really , and they can be on any subject . The wise people just let them go without believing them . OR even laugh at them like VIktor Frankl said .
How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.

- Wayne Dyer

Read more at Wayne Dyer Quotes - BrainyQuote
 
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P

Pumpkinsauce

New member
Joined
Nov 11, 2014
Messages
2
To me OCD is very simple . When a negative thought comes .... you have some time to choose a reaction to that thought . The thought just wants to pull you in a negative emotional state , that is his job . The thought can come from anywhere actually, your mind , TV , newspaper ... whatever . So you can choose to not go in that split of a second to the path the thought chose for you . You can have a positive reaction when the thought comes ... by laughing at the thought , you can use your breath also to help you with that . So the emotion doesnț get a hold of you . What else can it do , if you donț feel negatively ? It can program you to drink and ruin your life, or harm yourself or any crazy stuff like that . BUT , you have reason for that . So you can choose any action after that thought comes for you to do . And doing sports , eating clean or whatever ... is in your power to do . So what power does the thought have really ? It is just a thought , it has little energy . BUT if you get depressed about thoughts , and ruin your life because of that ... .well ... that is in your power also . Negative thoughts happen to all people on this earth really , and they can be on any subject . The wise people just let them go without believing them . OR even laugh at them like VIktor Frankl said .
Been there; done that; developed a sexual fetish for dismemberment as a result; still have OCD. Oh yeah, and I also have artificially developed ADD to boot! You are suggesting that if someone was to instil so much ADD into himself, he would be unable to pay attention long enough to have OCD. It also suggests that he become so desensitized to everything to the point of throwing yourself (and others) into danger.

Regardless of whether or not you go through with this, you will still be bothered by your own thoughts; either they get a grip on you and you go through rituals, or if you put all of your energy into not thinking about them. The latter does nothing but inverse the compulsion with the obsession, essentially creating Compulsive Attention Deficit Obsession Disorder.

But the more I read this forum post, the more I realize that this is the OCD equivalent of "former" drug addicts who went born-again christian.
 
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K

Kezbian3

Member
Joined
Dec 15, 2014
Messages
15
A big well done!
Its so nice to see that someone has broken through the horrible illness!
Wish you the best with a fresh start to life!
 
B

blythegirl

Member
Joined
Dec 22, 2014
Messages
15
This is an awesome post, and you've explained this really well. I can recognise where my own OCD comes from through this.... :D
 
B

br0kolee

New member
Joined
Sep 2, 2016
Messages
1
Hi Kyle,

I just want to thank you so much. I'm sorry for all the trouble you've went through these past through years, but I am so glad that it is over and you can go on with a happy life. You have provided so much wisdom and insight on this condition, and honestly I am going to talk about your story to my counsellor soon. I also want to thank you for inspiring me and giving me so much hope. I decided to follow your path on finding and addressing the roots instead of the symptoms. I have 4 anxiety disorders, OCD included. It mainly started out back in elementary school up here in Canada, I would get stomach aches and stuff because I got social anxiety. I was a weird kid, I spent most of my time introverted during puberty and staying at home, usually in my room. I also got into a bad sleeping rhythm which messes with hormones like serotonin and melatonin or whatnot. I spend so much time inside, in this dark dull quiet boring house and I think that is producing so much melatonin as well as my still-confusing sleeping schedule that I can't help but keep thinking OCD thoughts. However I am now looking out my window at the world, it is so sunny and bright and I honestly feel so good right now. Probably due to the light it is interacting with my serotonin and just the exposure to the world and all it's greatness. I still of course have a habit of turning down offers to hang out with people and stuff, but that's just my initial response as a bad habit because I just say no and don't even think about it. But now I do. I think about it. And it's so amazing. I want to go out more. I will go out more. I will have fun. I will make new friends and be myself. I will let loose and be happy. Thank you so much for doing so much. I am actually about to cry typing this right now. I honestly love you so much for helping me, and this is truly amazing. I literally love you, whoever you are. I feel so free.
 
D

dukeofbhopal

New member
Joined
Jun 1, 2017
Messages
1
Hi guys, I just want to share something pretty amazing.

For years I have suffered from Pure O Ocd as well as having several physical compulsions. And this lasted for years to the point that I have been in mental hospital several times incapable of functioning or doing the simplest of tasks.

My personal compulsions made me constantly check how I perceived the world and this meant everything became a compulsion and I would constantly be frightened of seeing something in a way for the rest of my life. I also suffered from severe homosexual ocd for a long long time.

But here's the thing I wanted to share with you. I have cured myself and I am so happy about it. It has been about three weeks and I haven't had any anxiety, obsessions and ergo no compulsions. I'm still feeling depressed but I'm a lot more confident that it will go away when I start combating that instead of focusing all my efforts on the ocd. But basically, I want everyone who has ocd to feel like this so I'm going to share my story and how I beat it.

Im also going to add in some framework that I created for ocd that helped me immensely in understanding it fully.

So the first thing that I worked out was that the ocd was there to protect me.

It is a defence mechanism.

It must have been there for a reason - to save me from some form of painful feeling that I was experiencing, this lead me to think that I must have implemented it myself into my head at some point. This made me feel a little guilty for causing myself so much pain but the excitement that I could fix it because I created it far outweighed the guilt.

So I tried to figure out what I was trying to do, and the truth is that every compulsive thought I made was trying to make me feel secure. So immediately I knew I had some form of insecurity.

I began to wonder about my obsession with how I perceived things and tried to work out the very first time I had thought about it, and it came to me that the first time it started was after my dad died. Now my dads death was only a 'trigger' to my ocd starting but not the cause. The cause goes much deeper.

So soon after my dads death I had an anxiety attack and this was KEY. the anxiety attack made me feel as though I was going to die (a really painful feeling) which made me scared of having anxiety. Now if you think on how that sounds, it is a layered feeling that loops in a circle - Anxiety> anxiety> anxiety> anxiety >anxiety.
and never stops.

For the purposes of this let us call the original anxiety attack '(A)' and the secondary anxiety '(B)' . So coping constantly with B which lead to the cycle made me need a way of stopping the anxiety so that I could function so for me I created '(C)' the compulsion.
Which for me was to - and this is where it gets complex because I thought a lot - get away from the feeling inside my head and fear the feeling so that I would feel secure knowing that because I feared it, I would not want to go back to it.

Now If you really think, that is what I call a 'Tripled Anxiety Complex' because I was inducing fear in my compulsion and was what made my ocd so severe but most ocd would only be what I would call a 'Dual Complex' which means the compulsions do not rely on self inflicted fear based cognitive mechanisms.

I must point out that the causes of everybody's ocd works on an individual basis and that their causes and compulsions may be different for example:

A girl that continually showers (C)
for fear of feeling(B)
dirty due to past feelings of past sexual abuse(A).

A person that cleans everything 3 times (C)
for fear of feeling (B)
contaminated due to ... (A)

You get the idea.

Now checking is horrible.
I kept checking to see if the anxious feelings were still there. I was afraid that they were because then I would be anxious again which triggered the compulsion again for fear of being anxious.

Just as the girl would check to see if she was dirty, and become afraid that she was, for fear of feeling dirty, like she did when she was abused.

This leads us to an escalation of Ocd that I'm sure we are all familiar with. Fear, Action, Check, Fear, Action, Check aaaaarrrghhhh, that fucking cycle ;)

So using this framework for the ocd at the moment I figured that the way to cure it was to deal with (A) which encompasses the underlying causes, which would make (B) obsolete and no longer needed and thus do the same to (C). Making the Ocd as a whole no longer needed to the mind for security.

So to underlying causes of it. And for this its probably best to work backwards in your fear using what you are actually scared of, so I will use mine as an example and it will give you a wee look into some of my story.

I felt frightened to perceive things in a certain way.
I felt that if I concentrated on how I was perceiving things I could keep anxiety at bay
I was scared of having anxiety.
I felt I was going to die if I had anxiety.
I had a severe anxiety attack when my dad died.
I had the anxiety attack because I felt unreal.
I felt unreal because I was denying my feelings.
I was denying my feelings because I was scared to cry over my dad.
I was scared to cry because I was embarrassed at school for crying.
I was terrified of embarrassment.
I was terrified of embarrassment because the very first time that I discovered my penis as a toddler my mum laughed at me and slagged me off.

That was the overall foundation of my entire illness, that throughout my life I have been scared Of embarrassment because I was terrified that my penis was a thing to be embarrassed of. And by extension, caused anxiety in my infantile mind that I would not get sex if I had a penis because my mum laughed at me and slagged me off.
Anxiety that is not a legitimate fear (Of heights etc) is a fear to do with sex because of it being a primary drive of us which is why some people get so frightened about their looks etc. And I find it fascinating at how deep this fear can be like in my case. So I began working through that memories and feelings and dealing with them slowly.

And here's the miracle happening. That was like pulling the root out of the plant. Once I understood that and began to free my mind from it my anxiety levels dropped dramatically. because I started freeing myself from the bottom of the tree upwards which was preventing new shoots from sprouting from branches below me. whereas trying to put a lid on it from the top down was forcing it to pop out elsewhere.

Another thing was that my experience of being laughed at for crying at school gave me an coping mechanism of suppressing crying. I would imagine that the bad thing had already happened so that I could get used to having it happen so that when it did happen I would not cry. and I would try my hardest to imagine those bad feelings in a hope of becoming accustomed to them so that I could deal with them 'when' they did happen. which naturally gave me a lot of worries.

Freeing my mind from these memories was like making my head into a cloud and releasing anxieties further up the 'tree' making my ocd less and less needed and prevalent and less threatening by the day.

It was my method of security to have those compulsions to save me from anxiety. ''If I do this then I wont have to worry about it" so I thought of having some form of security to take over in the meantime at (C) so that I could get a chance to work up though (A) dealing with all of these feelings. And I noticed that this is the point where all of the psychiatry and psychology and therapy cuts to immediately when they try and treat you and that they do not deal so much with the causes but rather the symptoms. So I figured since my anxiety was draining fast it worth putting them to use and use some symptom management such as breathing techniques and working out and eating healthy to increase naturally the flow of serotonin and help the healing process.

And Slowly but surely I'm back, the old me with no compulsions or obsessions or checking. And I got myself into see a lovely counsellor and I'm working through my depression which I'm sure will be sorted soon and have a really positive outlook for the future. I'm back to feeling anxiety normally by natural things like a dog barking unexpectedly or my friend jumping out at me, I even headed out to a club the other day and enjoyed myself thoroughly with excitement which I haven't been able to do for years. I really hope that through this post I can help anybody that is struggling with this hellish life consuming illness in any way because I want people to know that its possible not only to manage it or accept it, but be free of it fully and I want everybody to be as happy as I feel now.


Lots of love, and my very best wishes

- Kyle Xxxx
Brother please also post your further inputs in dealing with ocd and gaining back yourself
 
L

leaf121

Member
Joined
Dec 7, 2017
Messages
10
Thank you for spreading hope and making it seem more possible to get through this. Definitely agree with it being a personal thing and how it varies on an individual level/basis though.
 
L

leaf121

Member
Joined
Dec 7, 2017
Messages
10
What's interesting though is that "diving deep" like this can be tricky. A lot of this has to do with OCD being misunderstood and not many people knowing what OCD truly is. This post does a good of explaining the misconceptions around OCD: Why is OCD so misunderstood? – The nOCD Blog.

Going through your past like this can work for some, but doesn't necessarily work everyone. It depends on the person!
 
O

Orwell1984

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 22, 2018
Messages
56
There is no cure, only recovery. Anxiety is a form of energy and you can use it to do things. Alcohol, nicotine, meth, all raise anxiety, so avoiding them clears it up. This accounts for how some get better quickly.
 
T

Transcendent04

New member
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
1
Location
London
Hi guys, I just want to share something pretty amazing.

For years I have suffered from Pure O Ocd as well as having several physical compulsions. And this lasted for years to the point that I have been in mental hospital several times incapable of functioning or doing the simplest of tasks.

My personal compulsions made me constantly check how I perceived the world and this meant everything became a compulsion and I would constantly be frightened of seeing something in a way for the rest of my life. I also suffered from severe homosexual ocd for a long long time.

But here's the thing I wanted to share with you. I have cured myself and I am so happy about it. It has been about three weeks and I haven't had any anxiety, obsessions and ergo no compulsions. I'm still feeling depressed but I'm a lot more confident that it will go away when I start combating that instead of focusing all my efforts on the ocd. But basically, I want everyone who has ocd to feel like this so I'm going to share my story and how I beat it.

Im also going to add in some framework that I created for ocd that helped me immensely in understanding it fully.

So the first thing that I worked out was that the ocd was there to protect me.

It is a defence mechanism.

It must have been there for a reason - to save me from some form of painful feeling that I was experiencing, this lead me to think that I must have implemented it myself into my head at some point. This made me feel a little guilty for causing myself so much pain but the excitement that I could fix it because I created it far outweighed the guilt.

So I tried to figure out what I was trying to do, and the truth is that every compulsive thought I made was trying to make me feel secure. So immediately I knew I had some form of insecurity.

I began to wonder about my obsession with how I perceived things and tried to work out the very first time I had thought about it, and it came to me that the first time it started was after my dad died. Now my dads death was only a 'trigger' to my ocd starting but not the cause. The cause goes much deeper.

So soon after my dads death I had an anxiety attack and this was KEY. the anxiety attack made me feel as though I was going to die (a really painful feeling) which made me scared of having anxiety. Now if you think on how that sounds, it is a layered feeling that loops in a circle - Anxiety> anxiety> anxiety> anxiety >anxiety.
and never stops.

For the purposes of this let us call the original anxiety attack '(A)' and the secondary anxiety '(B)' . So coping constantly with B which lead to the cycle made me need a way of stopping the anxiety so that I could function so for me I created '(C)' the compulsion.
Which for me was to - and this is where it gets complex because I thought a lot - get away from the feeling inside my head and fear the feeling so that I would feel secure knowing that because I feared it, I would not want to go back to it.

Now If you really think, that is what I call a 'Tripled Anxiety Complex' because I was inducing fear in my compulsion and was what made my ocd so severe but most ocd would only be what I would call a 'Dual Complex' which means the compulsions do not rely on self inflicted fear based cognitive mechanisms.

I must point out that the causes of everybody's ocd works on an individual basis and that their causes and compulsions may be different for example:

A girl that continually showers (C)
for fear of feeling(B)
dirty due to past feelings of past sexual abuse(A).

A person that cleans everything 3 times (C)
for fear of feeling (B)
contaminated due to ... (A)

You get the idea.

Now checking is horrible.
I kept checking to see if the anxious feelings were still there. I was afraid that they were because then I would be anxious again which triggered the compulsion again for fear of being anxious.

Just as the girl would check to see if she was dirty, and become afraid that she was, for fear of feeling dirty, like she did when she was abused.

This leads us to an escalation of Ocd that I'm sure we are all familiar with. Fear, Action, Check, Fear, Action, Check aaaaarrrghhhh, that fucking cycle ;)

So using this framework for the ocd at the moment I figured that the way to cure it was to deal with (A) which encompasses the underlying causes, which would make (B) obsolete and no longer needed and thus do the same to (C). Making the Ocd as a whole no longer needed to the mind for security.

So to underlying causes of it. And for this its probably best to work backwards in your fear using what you are actually scared of, so I will use mine as an example and it will give you a wee look into some of my story.

I felt frightened to perceive things in a certain way.
I felt that if I concentrated on how I was perceiving things I could keep anxiety at bay
I was scared of having anxiety.
I felt I was going to die if I had anxiety.
I had a severe anxiety attack when my dad died.
I had the anxiety attack because I felt unreal.
I felt unreal because I was denying my feelings.
I was denying my feelings because I was scared to cry over my dad.
I was scared to cry because I was embarrassed at school for crying.
I was terrified of embarrassment.
I was terrified of embarrassment because the very first time that I discovered my penis as a toddler my mum laughed at me and slagged me off.

That was the overall foundation of my entire illness, that throughout my life I have been scared Of embarrassment because I was terrified that my penis was a thing to be embarrassed of. And by extension, caused anxiety in my infantile mind that I would not get sex if I had a penis because my mum laughed at me and slagged me off.
Anxiety that is not a legitimate fear (Of heights etc) is a fear to do with sex because of it being a primary drive of us which is why some people get so frightened about their looks etc. And I find it fascinating at how deep this fear can be like in my case. So I began working through that memories and feelings and dealing with them slowly.

And here's the miracle happening. That was like pulling the root out of the plant. Once I understood that and began to free my mind from it my anxiety levels dropped dramatically. because I started freeing myself from the bottom of the tree upwards which was preventing new shoots from sprouting from branches below me. whereas trying to put a lid on it from the top down was forcing it to pop out elsewhere.

Another thing was that my experience of being laughed at for crying at school gave me an coping mechanism of suppressing crying. I would imagine that the bad thing had already happened so that I could get used to having it happen so that when it did happen I would not cry. and I would try my hardest to imagine those bad feelings in a hope of becoming accustomed to them so that I could deal with them 'when' they did happen. which naturally gave me a lot of worries.

Freeing my mind from these memories was like making my head into a cloud and releasing anxieties further up the 'tree' making my ocd less and less needed and prevalent and less threatening by the day.

It was my method of security to have those compulsions to save me from anxiety. ''If I do this then I wont have to worry about it" so I thought of having some form of security to take over in the meantime at (C) so that I could get a chance to work up though (A) dealing with all of these feelings. And I noticed that this is the point where all of the psychiatry and psychology and therapy cuts to immediately when they try and treat you and that they do not deal so much with the causes but rather the symptoms. So I figured since my anxiety was draining fast it worth putting them to use and use some symptom management such as breathing techniques and working out and eating healthy to increase naturally the flow of serotonin and help the healing process.

And Slowly but surely I'm back, the old me with no compulsions or obsessions or checking. And I got myself into see a lovely counsellor and I'm working through my depression which I'm sure will be sorted soon and have a really positive outlook for the future. I'm back to feeling anxiety normally by natural things like a dog barking unexpectedly or my friend jumping out at me, I even headed out to a club the other day and enjoyed myself thoroughly with excitement which I haven't been able to do for years. I really hope that through this post I can help anybody that is struggling with this hellish life consuming illness in any way because I want people to know that its possible not only to manage it or accept it, but be free of it fully and I want everybody to be as happy as I feel now.


Lots of love, and my very best wishes

- Kyle Xxxx
I don't know if it's a coincidence or not but I have a very similar story to yours. At a very young age my mum used to wash me and my older brother together. Which is when I remember my brother laughing at me and saying "haha he has a small penis" I remember crying so much , and my mum trying to calm me down.

Ever since then I have been insecure about the size of my penis, and have almost at every opportunity tried to compare myself to others to seek reassurance that my penis wasn't too small or was at least average. I would also not wear tight trousers or boxers, and not get changed in front of my parents since I was afraid of being embarrassed and laughed at for the size of my penis. I would also avoid wearing trackies which would outline my penis, and if I did I would try to cover myself up. I remember in secondary school in the changing rooms I would turn away from everyone so they couldn't see anything to make sure no one would point out that my penis is too small, even though I have what is considered average or bigger. I have always been unhappy and insecure.

I have also had this fear of embarrassment my whole life, during secondary school and college I would study intensely due to the fear of being asked a question in class and not knowing the answer, or saying something stupid and everyone laughing at me, and the embarrassment that would follow from that.

At the age of 19 I had a severe depressive episode, after slowly recovering from the depression I couldn't get rid of the anxiety about something I had read. It was a Youtube comment under a True Detective video, about how someone had experienced time and how their perspective on life had changed after they had taken shrooms. When I read it I had a panic attack, it's as if I had just figured out something about life that I shouldn't know and that it would affect my life heavily. This thought kept coming up and I kept telling myself it doesn't mean anything , it doesn't change anything, then it slowly went away as my anxiety diminished like it normally does during the summer.

The following year from September to January I had another severe depressive episode. My mind was ruminating non-stop. One day I woke up and my mind wouldn't stop repeating "You are gay", I was panicking and freaking out , after which I decided to google what was happening to me and I figured out I have HOCD. Following this I went through many themes , including Real-event OCD, POCD, and intrusive images. After which summer came again my depression, and anxiety went away and the thoughts would no longer affect me like they did.

Last year , the OCD became really rough again during the winter months, and I decided to finally get CBT: ERP therapy. After months of therapy I significantly improved, however I couldn't tell whether I improved because of the therapy or because I would normally get a lot better when summer arrived, probably a little bit of both. I do believe ERP is the most effective treatment for OCD and anyone suffering should stick with that treatment.

This year after reading a bisexual story on Quora, I had another HOCD panic attack. And relapsed with my OCD, I started seeking reassurance on online forums, and I knew I was entering the vicious cycle again. At which point I wrote down what the worst possible situation was for me with HOCD, and wrote a script down with all the spikes that were bothering me, I read these now many times a day and they have helped me cope at the moment.

I have never tried medication for my OCD , or Social anxiety, I did try it for my depression and my non-stop ruminating thoughts and the medication did wonders however I stopped it after 2 weeks as it also made me feel like I wasn't myself, I felt a bit like a zombie.

My anxiety seem to be through the roof in the morning and seems to get better during the day, and is basically non-existent late in the evening. In the evenings it's like I have my old life back, free of anxiety and depression, it's an incredible feeling and it's almost evil, as it gets me so excited until the next morning when I feel extremely anxious again and I struggle to get out of bed. During the evening my OCD seems to be sleeping, and I would do activities which should lead to high levels of anxiety and spikes and they don't. Something that alters in our body during the day is the level of cortisol, which is highest in the morning and reduces to lowest by the evening. Long of periods of stress have been proved to increase levels of cortisol in the body, which also increases anxiety and can lead to depression and anxiety-disorders. I'm going to try the supplement Ashwagandha which is known to reduce/balance out levels of cortisol, and many people have reported great results in terms of reducing anxiety. I just wanted to share this information in-case anyone has anything to comment on it or might find it useful.

Anyway, after reading your story and it being so similar to mine I wanted to know exactly the steps you took to fully free yourself from the OCD suffering. In particular when you say "Began working through memories and feelings and dealing with them slowly" what exactly do you mean? And do you still feel free from the OCD or you have had to seek Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or other forms of treatments to cope?

Please if you can explain to me in depth the steps you took, since I'm willing to try everything. Thank you.
 
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