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My wife is hearing voices and I need some helpful advise

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themountaineer

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Nov 4, 2014
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57
Hi there, you are doing really well. In my opinion, an episode will vary in length depending on the amount of awareness the person has of themselves and their environment. The more involved with voices one is the more trance-like their condition becomes and the harder it is to pull out of it. But not listening to voices can be intense and overwhelming also. So it is a difficult balancing act.

I want to be up front with you, but it may be difficult to take. From the moment I started hearing voices to the moment I was hospitalized and in a serious catatonic state was about 5 or 6 weeks. It ramped up very quickly in my case. It took about six months until I was able to find a constructive way of dealing with the voices.

Take care, Te
Hi Te

Thanks for your reply and openness, I prefer to hear things as they are rather than wrapping things up in cotton wall, so I appreciate your words.

She does indeed need to get this balance sorted, she is doing so well have been coping for this long without talking with anyone about the situation. This has been going on for months before I was involved, I knew something was up as clearly she was not behaving normally.

I am trying to get my head around her behaviour at the moment, as I started the thread I described showing signs of depression although she could not see it or feel it in herself. I think I come to that conclusion, as I saw her withdraw into herself more, loose interest in things, stop socialising. But have talked with her, it is not like she has lost interest in things, she just cannot concentrate on the things she use to enjoy because of the noise in her head.

She has not been signed off yet by the GP, so she is taking a few days out this week, to see how she gets on with the sleeping tabs in hope that it will get her sleep routine sorted, and hopefully minimise these experiences to a more manageable level.

Te, do you still regularly hear voices, and just manage this yourself ?
 
E

Eigau

Guest
Hi Mountaineer, In my opinion, voices can consume your mental resources making it difficult to think or do anything. For six months after hospitalization I withdrew into my room and tried diverting my attention to movies. It wasn't very constructive at all, but I had no experience and it really challenged my personally held beliefs about reality. It is amazing she has done so well this long.

Mountaineer, yes I do still hear voices. Currently, they are allocated to whenever I lie down. They seldom speak during the day at the moment. I'm also on a low dose anti-psychotic.

Te
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

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She described it a moment ago as a bit like watching a film, and if you tune out you miss important dialogue and cannot piece together the plot so it gets confusing.
My JD is like this as well, as in the delayed reaction to questions. All gets constantly exhausting repeating questions and requesting simple actions. Have to watch her self care, if her delusions are taking over from the other reality she is experiencing. Sometimes they do seem like petty mal seizures to a certain degree, as well as mini periods of the catatonia. Used to really worry me, but not he has more reality than alternate reality and that is keeping him in this world. Look up word association in scitzophrenia and disorganized thoughts in scitzophrenia as well (slanged word salad) as well, it helps seeing other cases and being able to relate and understand your wife better.

It trully is a daily struggle, there's good days and bad, hope and strive for every good day you have.

Hope a hearing voices network may be beneficial to her if she can comprehend it right now,
 
M

Manik

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Texas
I drift off at times as well and miss pieces of conversations. Due to daily antics of voices coming from the mass.
 
T

themountaineer

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Messages
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Thanks for all your replies and words of support.

Since my last post I have had to try a different tact, I think I was hoping if she got some sleep this would help begin to resolve some of the difficulties. She asked me to give her some space to rest uninterrupted, so she has spent most of the days in bed resting while I have been at work. It has now been about 5 days where I have given space to rest without any questions etc. She seemed to be doing ok on the surface until today where she has taken a turn for the worse. Her behaviour today consists of not eating, drinking and standing up and now sitting down staring at the wall in our spare room where she has been sleeping for the last few nights. I have tried to intervene this evening after she has been like this for the day, but she is becoming quite angry and asking to be left alone. I know she must be frustrated with what she is going through, but I also have a responsibility for her well being. I feel we have tried the non-medical approach for a while and it does not seem to be working (it is three weeks since she told originally told me what she is experiencing). I think I will have to get her to see a Psychiatrist asap, although I am getting major resistance to this. I really feel confused myself as the best way forward. She is not a risk to anyone, or herself at the moment, but I don't think her method of being given space to sort this herself is working well :(
 
E

Eigau

Guest
Hi Mountaineer, in my opinion she really needs you to be the voice of reasonableness and everlasting mildness. Her voices may be punishing her in various ways for telling you about them. They can do this by shouting non-stop. She may also be reacting to them more than to you. Realities can become blurred and difficult to distinguish.

The medical model seeks to eliminate voices by the use of medicines and little is done into the psychology of voices. Many voice hearers report that medications seem limited in their effect. If the psychiatrist prescribes a medication, it's worth looking into the side effects as part of growing your knowledge base. I don't say that to discourage you, but that you should be aware of the experience others have had. This is a learning situation and there is much to be gained from your stand point to one day help both for other carers and those they help.

I wonder, if she will let you write down what her voices are telling her in the role of a scribe. Having her read the information back to you may also be beneficial. She only need summarize the information.

One thought that came to mind was if general noise was proving to be a major distraction along with the noise of her voices, perhaps you could get a pair of Earmuffs to dampen surrounding sounds. It may not be the best look but I know the relief I felt when I wore a pair. If it does not work she can always take them off.

The information you have posted here will be vital at a later date. Take care. Te
 
T

themountaineer

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Messages
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Her voices may be punishing her in various ways for telling you about them. They can do this by shouting non-stop. She may also be reacting to them more than to you. Realities can become blurred and difficult to distinguish.


One thought that came to mind was if general noise was proving to be a major distraction along with the noise of her voices, perhaps you could get a pair of Earmuffs to dampen surrounding sounds. It may not be the best look but I know the relief I felt when I wore a pair. If it does not work she can always take them off.

The information you have posted here will be vital at a later date. Take care. Te

Hi Te

Thanks, I had suggested ear plugs and purchased some for her, but she said they are not effective (I think that is because at this stage she is actively listening to the voices rather than trying to ignore or minimise them).

I am still mega confused on what to do, so far I am shielding her from the world (friends, family, doctors etc) at her request. I am concerned that if something happens and I have failed to act by not informing others that this will all land on my lap of being irresponsible. I am not sure how long I should leave this before I talk with a "professional" (whatever that is). In my heart I don't think meds will help matters, we are both non believers on medical intervention for certain ailments. She has a DRs appint this Wednesday, so I will leave this up to her if she wants to disclose or not.

So to update my diary.

This evening we had a small chat as planned, it lasted about 15mins before she wanted to cut off. The theme is the same, that at the crucial point of when she feels she is getting to this valuable piece of information she is being told by the voices, that she gets interrupted and has to start all over again. She described the dialogue as like being in a play, and that if you miss any dialogue and lose the thread of what is happing, you have to wait until it is ended before it starts all over again and you have to listen all the way through to get to the next stage. This evening when i went to her room, I told her I had done the food shop and if there was anything I could make her, she then engaged in a conversation in general, but as soon as we got on the subjected of voices, and what other things we could try, she closed me down. Saying each time I interrupted I put her weeks back, and that she needs uninterrupted time to get to where she needs to be. I said I will give her all the time she needs but occasionally we need to compromise, for example when I am away from home with work, I need to be able to communicate with her at least once a day in the evening to make sure she is basically still alive. I did say if she cannot commit to that, I would have to give the keys to a family member to go and check on her in my absence. I think it is reasonable to at least have that communication to make sure she has a pulse. Christ it actually feels like I am colluding with her, and I pray this is the right thing to do for the short term. I did leave her with a laptop with this website opened on the thread of coping strategies, showed her a couple of example posts, and said I am not forcing her to read this, but it is there if she feels she wants to. I feel so guilty about not involving her parents, they live in another country and are in their 70's now, so I don't want to worry them at this stage, they are old fashioned and they will want her taken into Psych ward straight way (I am wondering myself if this is what she might need for now too, but my heart says no). They know something is not right though, as when she visited in early October, she spent most of her time locked away in the bedroom. It transpired the noise of the local building site was causing havoc with her and had lots of voices out there.
 
cpuusage

cpuusage

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I am still mega confused on what to do, so far I am shielding her from the world (friends, family, doctors etc) at her request. I am concerned that if something happens and I have failed to act by not informing others that this will all land on my lap of being irresponsible. I am not sure how long I should leave this before I talk with a "professional" (whatever that is). In my heart I don't think meds will help matters, we are both non believers on medical intervention for certain ailments. She has a DRs appint this Wednesday, so I will leave this up to her if she wants to disclose or not.
Sometimes psychosis is just psychosis, & there is certainly a place for medications. i still think it's worth seeing if you can find/access the assistance of a competent spiritual healer, & at least trying that avenue?

i think some people have a point on here - if overall functioning becomes more & more effected & there isn't a resolution to it, at least in part, probably best to see it as some kind of illness. 3 months is around the length of duration for first episode psychosis if it's able to be processed/transformed.

i'm very much for more comprehensive approaches being used - But this society/mental health system is what it is, & what options are available is what they are. i think the needs of the people around the person having these experiences also needs to be taken into account.

Very difficult as to what to do, from you're position.
 
T

themountaineer

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Nov 4, 2014
Messages
57
Sometimes psychosis is just psychosis, & there is certainly a place for medications. i still think it's worth seeing if you can find/access the assistance of a competent spiritual healer, & at least trying that avenue?

i think some people have a point on here - if overall functioning becomes more & more effected & there isn't a resolution to it, at least in part, probably best to see it as some kind of illness. 3 months is around the length of duration for first episode psychosis if it's able to be processed/transformed.

i'm very much for more comprehensive approaches being used - But this society/mental health system is what it is, & what options are available is what they are. i think the needs of the people around the person having these experiences also needs to be taken into account.

Very difficult as to what to do, from you're position.
Thanks for reply, indeed a spiritual healer is on the agenda of things to try.

I guess I am fearful at this stage that I might be making things worse if it is left too long. She is assuring me things are getting better and that he has bad days and good days, and that because I am in the loop I am noticing it more. She said what she is trying now is better than when she tried to ignore it and carry on with life, she said that was quite unbearable the noise she had to deal with then.

I was curious to know if hypnosis has ever helped anyone in terms of minimising or managing (I am not naive to think it would stop this happening).

I so would love to get that much closer to what her experience is, I know this is her reality and what is happening is real to her, it is a shame at this stage I cannot join in with it to understand it more. I'd love to be involved with the voices, if only to understand more myself, but with hope that I may be able to help at times.
 
cpuusage

cpuusage

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Thanks for reply, indeed a spiritual healer is on the agenda of things to try.

I guess I am fearful at this stage that I might be making things worse if it is left too long. She is assuring me things are getting better and that he has bad days and good days, and that because I am in the loop I am noticing it more. She said what she is trying now is better than when she tried to ignore it and carry on with life, she said that was quite unbearable the noise she had to deal with then.

I was curious to know if hypnosis has ever helped anyone in terms of minimising or managing (I am not naive to think it would stop this happening).

I so would love to get that much closer to what her experience is, I know this is her reality and what is happening is real to her, it is a shame at this stage I cannot join in with it to understand it more. I'd love to be involved with the voices, if only to understand more myself, but with hope that I may be able to help at times.
There are ways of working with people in non-ordinary states & dialoging with the voices - there are all kinds of different approaches.

Hypnosis you need to be very careful around as it can be very triggering of/exasperate psychosis.
 
T

themountaineer

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Hope a hearing voices network may be beneficial to her if she can comprehend it right now,
Thank you for posting this video, I only just found the time to watch it, it has helped more in my understanding. I hope my wife gets involved, I am sure this will help her, but I also think she would be a great asset to the movement with her background in mental health. She taught me many years ago how to suspend judgement, a valuable life lesson to me.
 
T

themountaineer

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T.

Hypnosis you need to be very careful around as it can be very triggering of/exasperate psychosis.
Yes I thought that may be the case, worth asking.
 
D

Deliah

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Look at Eleanor Longdens TED talk it's amazing. Also check out Rufus Mays website. He has some great stuff on there! D x
 
T

themountaineer

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Look at Eleanor Longdens TED talk it's amazing. Also check out Rufus Mays website. He has some great stuff on there! D x
Thanks Deliah, I shall check that out.
 
T

themountaineer

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Update:

The last few days have been slightly easier, mainly because I have modified my behaviour, therefore have a more positive perspective on the situation. I had been trying too hard to find a solution, and in my wanting to help was putting more pressure on the situation for us both. I gave her a big hug the other night and told her she was right and I was wrong, and that she should carry on engaging with her voices to help her find her solution, and encouraged her she was doing really well and that she was really brave. This made her open up more and gave more insight. On this occasion she described her experiences as similar to being given directions to find her way out, but as she said she is not a brilliant navigator, even in a car she can get confused and has no sense of direction, and she is experiencing this with her voices. She is taking on the information and getting confused what to do with it and getting a lost. The last few days she has managed to leave the house and attend two appointments, which is good. Yesterday evening she was in a trance state engaged in her experiences for a good 5hrs and did not move from the foot stool she was sitting on (this could have gone on even after I had gone to bed). This evening I am away on business, and we agreed to speak at 10pm regardless, and she stuck to that which was awesome. She said on the phone, she feels what she is doing might not be working, so she is now considering spending less time engaged with the voices, so hopefully will start allocating time to them, and spending time doing other activities (she actually watched TV this evening for 1hr, she has not watched TV for months). She did say this evening she is feeling a little low with it, this could be because she is starting to give up on trying to find out what this message/information is all about,and is finally quite jaded by it all and is looking to put some normality back in to her life (hence the TV). She may have read some things on the forum here which is good (and if you are reading this, hello, I love you), I hope she may join up soon.

Thanks again people for all your support, this forum as helped me unload too, I'll be honest, up until the other day it has been a tough journey, especially as I have not been able to talk with anyone about this, apart from anonymously on here, which has been truly valuable.
 
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