My wife is hearing voices and I need some helpful advise

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themountaineer

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Hope a hearing voices network may be beneficial to her if she can comprehend it right now,
Thank you for posting this video, I only just found the time to watch it, it has helped more in my understanding. I hope my wife gets involved, I am sure this will help her, but I also think she would be a great asset to the movement with her background in mental health. She taught me many years ago how to suspend judgement, a valuable life lesson to me.
 
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themountaineer

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T.

Hypnosis you need to be very careful around as it can be very triggering of/exasperate psychosis.
Yes I thought that may be the case, worth asking.
 
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Deliah

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Look at Eleanor Longdens TED talk it's amazing. Also check out Rufus Mays website. He has some great stuff on there! D x
 
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themountaineer

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Look at Eleanor Longdens TED talk it's amazing. Also check out Rufus Mays website. He has some great stuff on there! D x
Thanks Deliah, I shall check that out.
 
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themountaineer

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Update:

The last few days have been slightly easier, mainly because I have modified my behaviour, therefore have a more positive perspective on the situation. I had been trying too hard to find a solution, and in my wanting to help was putting more pressure on the situation for us both. I gave her a big hug the other night and told her she was right and I was wrong, and that she should carry on engaging with her voices to help her find her solution, and encouraged her she was doing really well and that she was really brave. This made her open up more and gave more insight. On this occasion she described her experiences as similar to being given directions to find her way out, but as she said she is not a brilliant navigator, even in a car she can get confused and has no sense of direction, and she is experiencing this with her voices. She is taking on the information and getting confused what to do with it and getting a lost. The last few days she has managed to leave the house and attend two appointments, which is good. Yesterday evening she was in a trance state engaged in her experiences for a good 5hrs and did not move from the foot stool she was sitting on (this could have gone on even after I had gone to bed). This evening I am away on business, and we agreed to speak at 10pm regardless, and she stuck to that which was awesome. She said on the phone, she feels what she is doing might not be working, so she is now considering spending less time engaged with the voices, so hopefully will start allocating time to them, and spending time doing other activities (she actually watched TV this evening for 1hr, she has not watched TV for months). She did say this evening she is feeling a little low with it, this could be because she is starting to give up on trying to find out what this message/information is all about,and is finally quite jaded by it all and is looking to put some normality back in to her life (hence the TV). She may have read some things on the forum here which is good (and if you are reading this, hello, I love you), I hope she may join up soon.

Thanks again people for all your support, this forum as helped me unload too, I'll be honest, up until the other day it has been a tough journey, especially as I have not been able to talk with anyone about this, apart from anonymously on here, which has been truly valuable.
 
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Deliah

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Hello The Mountaineer, Wonderful, it sounds like a positive change. You sound like a really wonderful husband to her. Well done to you for that. There is so much that she can do and I think it's important that whoever she sees is insightful and wise about voices. They are such a gift. Anyone who works with things with the belief that there is something wrong with her because of their existence or who wants her to ignore them isn't going to be useful. I am blessed that I have a really wise lady working with me. I would seek out someone who offers a mindful and accepting approach and can show your wife the power she has in it and not someone whose only offering is medication and dulling down. Love to you too and to your wife. I would gladly chat with her on line should she visit. D xxxx
 
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themountaineer

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Thanks Deliah, btw I have just watched that TED talk, that is truly inspiring. I have just sent it to my wife in hope that she will watch this herself. Our value base is the non medical approach to this, so this was really encouraging.
 
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secretsurvivor1

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Hi themoutaineer,

I have read some but not all of the posts here, but felt I must urgently reply, so please forgive me if I missed the point. I also must warn you that what I say conflicts with what some others have put.
I am not a fan of medication but it can actually work wonders and some people can only function fully when their meds are carefully balanced. I have seen people go into hospital in a life-threatening state and come out able to cope in life. Please don't be frightened of medication; a long delay in getting help can make a bad situation worse.

I hear voices and some other noise when I am stressed and tired. I most often hear it just before or just after sleep. It is so real, it can make me jump. When I hear a voice it is a man droning on in a newsreader voice and I had always tried to snap out of it and not listen. But at one time I decided to listen carefully, and eventually discovered the voice was a barrage of criticism. The Psychiatrist said I DO NOT have Schizophrenia, as that is usually distinguished by voices that TELL YOU WHAT TO DO (and usually harmful; like "jump off that bridge"). The Psychiatrist told me that what I described was an experience any normal person can suffer under huge duress, especially sleep deprivation or isolation. In particular, a person who is imprisoned in lonely silence will normally start to see and hear unreal things after about 3 days. The Psychiatrist said to avoid listening to the voices, that they were stress-induced and although the tone was urgent they had nothing to say to me and were really made up of a generalised audio memory (ie not an exact copy of somebody's tirade, but words to the same effect and tone). This took the pressure off me trying to make sense of or worry about the content of this internal noise, but to dismiss it and do something distracting.
This is my experience and it worries me when people advise not to use prescribed medication. They have worked hard to create these pills. But maybe just getting her sleep back in order may help, as well as suggesting that the voices don't real have a point, or a message. If they did, she would have been able to untangle it ages ago with all her efforts of attentive listening. My experience was that the words were not really leading anywhere, not exactly nonsense, but dreamlike verbal wanderings. Something to help her sleep and less silence and isolation may help a lot.
I take this risk of voicing my opposite opinion because I care and don't want you to, well-meaningly, do nothing for too long. Good luck, you are in a difficult situation.
 
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I have read some but not all of the posts here, but felt I must urgently reply, so please forgive me if I missed the point. I also must warn you that what I say conflicts with what some others have put.
I am not a fan of medication but it can actually work wonders and some people can only function fully when their meds are carefully balanced. I have seen people go into hospital in a life-threatening state and come out able to cope in life. Please don't be frightened of medication; a long delay in getting help can make a bad situation worse.
i appreciate your perspective.

There is a place for a wise use of medications, but people also have the potential to heal & resolve things medication free. i think for some people medication is probably vital. i also feel that everything should be done to help support people before putting them on what is usually a lifetime of drugs, & biomedical treatments.

People should have access to far more understanding & genuinely supportive & healing approaches, & many people do respond well to alternative approaches.

This is a discussion/support forum, & states that it is impartial in it's advice. i think people should be as fully informed as to what all the different options are, & as free as possible to make their own informed & empowered choices.
 
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This is a discussion/support forum, & states that it is impartial in it's advice. i think people should be as fully informed as to what all the different options are, & as free as possible to make their own informed & empowered choices.
i don't think the following is taken that seriously on this forum, but that is another matter - this is from the Disclaimer -

DISCLAIMER

The messages on this forum and any links to external websites posted within the forum express the views of the respective authors. They do not necessarily represent the views of the administrators or moderators. Any advice posted here is for support purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for advice by a qualified professional.

This site does not align itself to any one political, religious, medical or cultural system or bias. Given the evolving and differing natures of understandings, care and treatment of mental health issues and the wide-ranging benefits of different treatments in individuals, the non-professional nature of this site is such that individual perspectives are purely individual opinions. Medical advice is best sought from medical professionals and it is acknowledged that different people are helped by different practices. Orthodox medical treatment, although helpful to many is not the only or exclusive method of accessing help.
 
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themountaineer

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Thank you for your reply, your insight and the links.

It is good to hear things from both sides of the fence, there is no science to this, and everybody has their own experiences good or bad. I am just learning to navigate my way through as a helper to ensure my wife is firstly safe, secondly not distressed. So all feedback, opinions are welcome.

Some of what you said resonates with what she is experiencing, I had not heard of thought disorder, so possibly it could be this. However, I am also conscious I do not tag a label on this as ultimately I think working with what she is experiencing is the way way forward, however understanding these different types of experiences like Thought Disorder are really valuable to see how and what people have done to manage or overcome.

Don't get me wrong, I am not "doing nothing", I am having to pace with my wife's experience. Early on I suggested trying to ignore the voices/noise or to allocate a few hours to them a day. However that strategy did not work, my wife is strong willed, resistive, and felt she needs to try things her way first, which after ignore did not work was to spend some time trying to understand them. So I am pacing with what she is doing, while also making suggestions that we put a timeframe on what we are trying, and if that does not work, we could try another method. We are at that stage now, where she will hopefully spend less time engaged in this experience, but will allocate time to it (Mainly because when she does not the noise can become unbearable, but also sometimes she is gaining useful info). Regarding meds, the dr has now prescribed melatonin to help assist with her sleep. We will try all we can to get through this in a non toxic way, but ultimately if she is not achieving her results and wants to try more potent meds then we also have that choice. I am keeping a careful watchful eye on her, to my knowledge (from asking) she is not experiencing persecution or negative message. I do feel the longer she stays engaged with the voices, the more difficult this will get, but I am having to choose words carefully, and indirectly and passively suggesting other ways. Possibly she will see a Psychiatrist at some point if this becomes really unmanageable for her, but I feel she will gain more insight and help talking with other people sharing similar experiences.
 
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themountaineer

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Journal update:

So since my last post my wife has spent less time engaged with the voices, and has distracted herself with other things like housework, TV, internet. She is allocating time to the voices when she feels she needs too. The upside of this, she is eating better, sleeping better and looking after herself better. She has left the house on a number of occasions, even joining me to go into town for lunch. She reports the voices are still there, but she seems to be managing it better, she just now has to decide whether she feels she can handle going back to work. She is a lot less stressed having engaged less with the voices.
 
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Deliah

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Great news! Has made my day! I wish you both every success and I send my love her way. I would recommend going on a dialoguing course as run by Rufus May and a few others. D xx
 
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Eigau

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I'm glad she seems to be functioning better mountaineer. You have done a great job supporting her too. I believe each day will have it's own worries, so take it on a day by day basis. That initial first day will have a bit of anxiety attached to it. If she really is coping inside you'll know by her countenance at the end of the day. Looking forward to hearing from you again.

Take care. Te
 
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themountaineer

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I'm glad she seems to be functioning better mountaineer. You have done a great job supporting her too. I believe each day will have it's own worries, so take it on a day by day basis. That initial first day will have a bit of anxiety attached to it. If she really is coping inside you'll know by her countenance at the end of the day. Looking forward to hearing from you again.

Take care. Te

Thanks, and you are right this is a take everyday as it comes, there are good and bad days. What tends to happen is when I do an overnight trip for work, she will then use that as an opportunity to active listen to the voices.

Journal update.

I gained some extra insight yesterday. When she is on her own actively listening, she said at times she has to clear all her own thoughts before she can start to hear the voices. This process can take sometime, and when she thinks she is going to be finally rewarded with this all important message, the voices can turn around and say, she should have started listening earlier and it is her fault she is not getting the final message. My own thoughts to this is that she is entering into a trance state in these times, and she is locking onto subconscious thoughts, when in that state she would not necessarily have to think hard, thoughts will occur all by themselves. She is just becoming immersed in that experience and having auditory hallucinations. However on the flip side, there are other times when the voice can be loud, and present when not concentrating, this usually occurs at times in louder environments, and generally created through the ambient sound (ie distorting the sound so it becomes a voice/message).

Since Thursday last week when I was away for one night, she spent since then until early this evening in isolation (hardly eating, I have literally had to beg her to eat small amounts). I have been gently suggesting, that if these messages were so important they would not mess her about and will tell her straight, so I asked her to stand up to them and tell them that if it is so important to come out with it. I also said there are things in her life she needs to get on with and she cannot allow her self to be imprisoned by this as it is no life for her, all her friends are asking about her etc, and maybe she needs to make contact with some people. This evening she came down and joined me for a meal, and has been contacting friends and paying some bills that she has ignored while absent. Apparently she was so hungry should could not bear it anymore and broke the engagement with her voices and said fuck em for now. She now said she is ready to try some other ways to move forward, and will make contact with some people whom she can trust. I am pleased she will start involving some others, we have talked both a spiritual guide and someone from the mental health services.
 
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Deliah

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Hello, Basically, voices frequently don't tell the truth. They are the mind essentially monkeying about. Mind come up with all sorts. Can I ask where you are in the world or the uk? I have two extremely good therapists currently working me who have a knowledge of how to work wisely with people who have voices. I am in Northamptonshire, UK. D x x
 
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scott

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Thank you for contributing this information. I would like to ask you if your wife kept a journal. Otherwsie I would be interested to know how you came by the information, because I have schizophrenia, and I am never quite able to convey so much detail to my health care providers. If I can understand how you managed it, I can help myself by being able to tell my doctor what I am going through. Thanks
 
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Gajolene

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You are so right about the good days and the bad ones, I'm glad to hear she has agreed to get some outside help to help her cope with the voices. I agree with Deliah too that the voices can lie, make sure she is aware of this as if they start telling her to do things really dangerous to her health or to you, your family, and friends, or if she starts doing things like yelling at them in public places, yelling at random strangers or trying to go outside naked, ect. She needs to know she can fight them and like you said tell them to F off.

Don't forget to try to find time to care for your own emotional health and stress dealing with this as her main carer. Try to find ways of giving yourself a break even if that involves getting someone else to be with her so you can go out for a while. It can be really overwhelming and you need all the help you can get as well.

:hug:
 
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