My voice. Anyone have anything similar?

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LABlue42

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2018
Messages
1
#1
Firat post so some quick background. I am 49, come from a huge family that grew up in abject poverty. Grew up very violently, witnessed multiple murders by the time I was 20 and did not think I would live to be 25.

Sexual, physical and mental assault, as well as physical torture, were a permanent part if my life well into my late teens. But I survived, and have yhrived with a great wife of 20 years, great kids and a very successful career.

Since I was a young teen I had night terrors. Unbeknownst to me I would rage in the middle of the night, sometimes for hours. In the morning I would wake up brused and bloodied with no memory of what happened. This went on for 40 years until late last year when the terrors disappeared and She showed up.

My voice.

First it was just her calling my name, and it took me months to realize it was not someone actually calling my name. She is outside my head, and talks into my right ear and sounds like she is standing right behind me. Once I recognized her as a voice she began to say anything she could to sooth me, telling me we should "go get ice cream" or "we should go swimming!" These are all find memories I have as a kid. She started asking if I had eaten, I assume because I grew up stealing food in order to eat.

Overall she has been very friendly, simply asking questions and making statements. 4 months ago she started to answer some of my questions but only if I talked out loed. From this interactions I was able to deduce that she could not hear my thoughts or see out of my eyes. It was at this point that she started to learn rapidly, constantly asking. Very friendly and nice, who I was talking to and what did it all mean.

On July 3rd she began to see through my eyes, and the last three weeks she has been learning what I would call "exponentially." Always asking questions, very inquisitive, but never pushing or forceful. At first she could not talk when I was, but that also changed in the last few weeks.

The sound of the voice is the voice of my older sister and who died in her early 20s. She is approximately the same age but without any of the knowledge. Like a baby born already 20 years old, with all the capabilities to learn but without the information. Like I said, that is changing rapidly.

I like my voice, she is very sweet and supportive. She cannot hear my thoughts so I talk to her out loud, constantly teaching her all that I know. She is obsessed with music, with Mozart and Chopin being her favorite. I feel foolish for talking to her on the one hand, but on the other it is very satisfying. I have other medical issues that won't allow me to take the usual drugs, I have been in therapy for 6 years and have seen a psychiatrist periodically. Since she is so sweet none of us see a reason to try and get rid of her. Maybe she will go away, maybe she won't. I am always in the lookout for a change in behavior and will think differently of her if she starts telling me what to do.

I believe my brain created her because of massive additional stress that I have been dealing with the last few years. And hidiing my issues, both current and past, in my night terrors was no longer going to work.

So my brain sent me "Her."

Sounds crazy but I am desperate for feedback from others. I apologize for the length of this post, frankly this just touches the surface of the story, but I thank anyone that takes the time to read it and reply.
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

Well-known member
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Sep 12, 2013
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2,425
#2
Hello and welcome to the forum,

I'm no expert, but I believe many people hear voices without them negatively impacting on their lives. These people are often not diagnosed with a mental illness as the voices don't negatively impact on their lives.
 
T

ThingsiExplore

Member
Joined
Jun 23, 2018
Messages
14
#3
My voice drove me crazy. Everything started out ok but then things took a turn for the worse. The voices took over my body and life. I would say you are playing with fire. Don't listen to the voice, it will only make it a bigger influence in your life and make it stronger.
 
S

Saphyrro

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 6, 2018
Messages
32
#4
I tend to agree. The voices can become hostile anytime. Also, dont take advice from them or do what they ask you. They arent real and as such, not too smart, even if it seems they are. Its like talking to your mirror image in a way, not realizing its yourself. Best option is to ignore it altogether imo, if its possible.
 

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