My thoughts lately

A

Aliasgit

Member
Joined
Mar 1, 2017
Messages
10
Hi

I'm 34 and diagnosed with severe depression. Suffering almost a year. Recently I took my wife to a session with my pyschologist. I was shocked and stunned. My wife lied about so many things and kept crying and my psych caved and now I'm alienated from that treatment. My wife has had enough and is leaving in a few days I don't know what to type or say. It just feels unfixable. Just putting some thoughts I wrote down below because have no one to talk too.

There is a darkness in my mind. A darkness that grows. That destroys every part of my life. It speaks to me or more so prevents me from speaking anything other then what it wants said.
I will not see doctors
I will not take anymore medication
I am going to let the depression take me down the rabbit hole into black empty space. The abyss. I will fall into a black hole of isolation and self destruction. If I survive I will come out the other side. If I die I am trapped in the abyss of a black hole forever but I will be at peace

Nothing can escape a blackhole

-----

Everyone gets to be happy why not me?
No one cares about me, how can they just ignore me. My presence isn't even noticeable. The only escape is death.

I'm depressed my wife with possible a unborn child inside her has left me gone back to her home country and I fell for a coworker while married and she hates me for it. I have no friends and no one cares. Only strangers would say they care just because it's the right thing to do not because they care. It's automatic.

Life isn't precious or unique it's torture it's pain it hurts to be alive

Only 1 thing that makes it go away
 
A

Aliasgit

Member
Joined
Mar 1, 2017
Messages
10
nevermind. even on the internet i cant connect to anyone. Alone in the world and digital world
 
P

Pollypop

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2015
Messages
1,002
Location
England. Derbyshire
Hi,
You are not alone in this world.
I know what you mean.
I have felt the same and it is such a horrendous thing.

I'm not going to say I care just because it seems right.
I truly do care.

If you want to chat, I will be here for you. x
 
A

Aliasgit

Member
Joined
Mar 1, 2017
Messages
10
there is no hope for happiness right now. i am done
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 8, 2013
Messages
29,982
Location
Mordor
I think when it hurts, you change direction. Choose the path that does not hurt you.
 
J

johnwest

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 28, 2017
Messages
70
Don't give up. God put you hear for a purpose! And I believe you can do it. So your wife left you because you fell for a co worker? An chance you could talk to your wife and apologize? Or maybe the coworker you fell for is the one. Which one do you really want to be with? Or maybe you want to be alone and figure it all out. Not everyone gets to be happy, a lot of people aren't happy with their lives or jobs or relationships whether family or spouses. Everyone has to figure out what is best for them. Sometimes you have to take a couple steps back to move forward. Maybe let your wife figure it out and then talk to her. It doesn't sound like you have lost all hope for a future with her. Just don't give up, everyone gets in a jam.
 
P

Pollypop

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2015
Messages
1,002
Location
England. Derbyshire
Hello Aliasgit,
How are you feeling today?

Although we can't speak to you face to face I
hope you do understand that we do care.

Genuinely

Please take care of yourself......and keep on posting. X
 
J

johnwest

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 28, 2017
Messages
70
Like I said, don't give up, there's light at the end of the tunnel! I'm telling you that you and your wife need to start a new chapter in your life! You need to go on line and google mental health centers in your town or county. I told this to another forum member whos having the same problems. Its easy, just type in mental health centers in your town, or county because there may not be one in your town. But there should be one near by you can go to. Make an appointment to see someone there and ask them if you can see a doctor. And the doctor will diagnose you and your wife's problems, you will need to make separate appointments. You will get a diagnosis and see what other resources are available. Like therapy, group sessions, social security, which is money, and insurance to pay for everything. And food stamps too! Its all mostly free, it depends on how much you make at your jobs. So give it a go and march towards success! Please reply at any time to ask questions or just to chat about anything! My name is Jesse.
 
A

Aliasgit

Member
Joined
Mar 1, 2017
Messages
10
Ive lost my wife. I have no friends. My grandmother just died too all of a sudden. I cannot connect with the rest of my family. I feel nothing actually but cold and sadness. too much debt, no support nearby i can try. I am literally a ghost. No one notices me at work, my presence matters not to anyone. The world will continue without me just as easy. The darkness has taken over my mind now. Im not sure what i am doing by even writing this. Guess so if anyone wonders why i did what i did they can search here, but no one will care or notice. i am so sad, in so much pain. i just want to die, forever peace.
 
J

johnwest

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 28, 2017
Messages
70
Don't give up! There's light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to go through it. I know I lost my grandmother in 2009. I felt alone while living in a mental health home. I felt like dying. I guess you could say I gave up because I ended up taking too much of my medication to compensate for drinking alcohol. And then it all started over as I moved on from the home for the mentally ill and got my own place.I left my grandma's death and my depression behind me and made a friend, started working, went to the dentist, and all the stuff "normal people" do who aren't depressed. I took a few steps back but I eventually moved forward. These things happen for a reason.
 

Similar threads


Top