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My therapist missed an appointment

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echo007

Member
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
8
Location
Pittsburgh PA
I was supposed to have a video call with my therapist on Friday. I had several calendar reminders in my phone because I'm always worried I'll forget. The time of the appointment came and there was nothing. Obviously not a huge deal because she's busy. I sat at my computer for an hour and a half before I gave up. Usually if something comes up we'll text each other about rescheduling. I didn't get anything. I didn't ask her if there was a problem or if we needed to push the call back because I didn't want to bother her. I know it's her job to keep appointments but I'm so afraid of annoying anyone. I can't help but feel rejected. I have severe abandonment issues and the fact that someone who is paid to talk to me about my mental health ghosted me devastated me. It's there even hope for anyone actually choosing to spend time with me? I don't know what to do
 
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Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
2,139
It could be any number of reasons and as your therapist it is not an intrusion for you to text her and ask what happened instead of torturing yourself thinking it has anything to do with you.
 
nutsie

nutsie

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 5, 2020
Messages
300
Location
Keeling
Get new therapist

Good therapist no forget
 
Lavender_Rose

Lavender_Rose

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 12, 2020
Messages
994
Location
United States
I have a new therapist, and a few appointments ago I kept waiting, for almost half an hour. I had this fear of texting her. She has text me before telling me she running behind. I finally did, ahe had gotten her appointments confused. I have gotten the impression she the externally late personality but I like her anyways. But I have stopped arrive 15 minutes prior. It video meets so arriving is a weird word. My impression with her is that with the current state of the word she might have had a lot of new patient. I think she adjusting to the work load. If your therapist is usually on time and you never really had a problem i think its important to remember that she is human. This probably didn't come from a place of ill intent. Ghosting someone you do with purpose. It not to late to text her and say, I thought we had an appointment last Friday. It will help you get this off your chest otherwise your not going to be able to trust this person enough to let her help you the way you may need to be helped.
 
Riah3

Riah3

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
109
Location
Texas
We are all human, and try not to assume it was a personal thing against you. Maybe she really forgot or some how scheduled two clients at once and didn’t realize if she was avoiding you maybe she would have come up with some excuse you would think that would be the professional and more nice thing to do. I’m really sorry that happened and I know how it feels. 🥺 I think you should bring it up. Even though you feel you may be a bother you’re IMPORTANT and I’m sorry you feel that way. My first therapy session with my new therapist she was late and I had allll of these assumptions and took it all personal I even started to despise her and started looking for other therapists as I was waiting.. come to find out her laptop started to update itself and she couldn’t use it. We had our session maybe 15 minutes later and it went great I’m so happy that I have her as my therapist. Learning to understand we’re all human and we all make mistakes and also trying not to personalize the situation will help in the end. It’s very hard but I’m proof that it can get better. I have much more self awareness now and it’s helping me in situations like these. Also communication is key, i started being honest with my therapist about things she did that bothered me and each time has been beneficial.
 
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WhySoSerious

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
301
Location
UK
I was supposed to have a video call with my therapist on Friday. I had several calendar reminders in my phone because I'm always worried I'll forget. The time of the appointment came and there was nothing. Obviously not a huge deal because she's busy. I sat at my computer for an hour and a half before I gave up. Usually if something comes up we'll text each other about rescheduling. I didn't get anything. I didn't ask her if there was a problem or if we needed to push the call back because I didn't want to bother her. I know it's her job to keep appointments but I'm so afraid of annoying anyone. I can't help but feel rejected. I have severe abandonment issues and the fact that someone who is paid to talk to me about my mental health ghosted me devastated me. It's there even hope for anyone actually choosing to spend time with me? I don't know what to do
Why don't you just text and ask what happened? Surely that is the only way you can work through this? She could have not put it in her calendar. She could have had an emergency call that took longer than expected (though I would expect a message from her). It could be she was off sick and nobody called you?

The only way to figure this out is to ask. She may be completely oblivious to the offense that has been caused but the only way she can explain and repair is if you ask her.

We can all make HUGE assumptions but without getting the FACTS that's all we are doing.

Ask yourself: Is the way I am dealing with this effective?
 
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WhySoSerious

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
301
Location
UK
Get new therapist

Good therapist no forget
Nonsense. People are people. We are all fallible.

You are slipping into "all good" or "all bad" and the fact is you will be extremely miserable in life if you cut people the moment they do something you dislike or are offended by.

There is always a shade of grey and a reason why people do (or don't do) things. The best (effective) way to find out is ask.

If you want to get a new therapist every time they may let you down you will never get better because ALL therapists are human and will make errors. Stop holding them to some mythical status where they don't have human tendencies.
 
E

echo007

Member
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
8
Location
Pittsburgh PA
Why don't you just text and ask what happened? Surely that is the only way you can work through this? She could have not put it in her calendar. She could have had an emergency call that took longer than expected (though I would expect a message from her). It could be she was off sick and nobody called you?

The only way to figure this out is to ask. She may be completely oblivious to the offense that has been caused but the only way she can explain and repair is if you ask her.

We can all make HUGE assumptions but without getting the FACTS that's all we are doing.

Ask yourself: Is the way I am dealing with this effective?
I completely get what you're saying. My logical brain understands that things happen and I know that she didn't hurt me on purpose. Thankfully I didn't split about it and I still want to talk to her...I'm just struggling to reach out. Once I start hyper fixating on the emotions I can't think anymore. When I'm triggered I can't think with words if that makes sense. I'm so afraid of rejection that I can't even open the text thread. I know I need to. I want to get better. I don't want to be like this anymore. I don't know what's stopping me. I know I'm not handling this well, I can't figure out how to fix it
 
Lavender_Rose

Lavender_Rose

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 12, 2020
Messages
994
Location
United States
Maybe start by just typing what you want to say, but not committing to sending it. A way of collecting you thoughts. Sometimes I do that and then when I feel some type of courage I go press send before I change my mind. Then it sent and there nothing I can do about it.
 
A

Alexander Ypsilantis

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 3, 2020
Messages
354
Location
USA
Don't take it personal, it was probably an oversight on her part. We're all trying to communicate via the internet or phones these days and things can happen.

I probably wouldn't have waited more than 15 minutes or so. Just text him/her a message and say you tried to connect but something must have happened. Relax, these things happen.
 
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WhySoSerious

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
301
Location
UK
I completely get what you're saying. My logical brain understands that things happen and I know that she didn't hurt me on purpose. Thankfully I didn't split about it and I still want to talk to her...I'm just struggling to reach out. Once I start hyper fixating on the emotions I can't think anymore. When I'm triggered I can't think with words if that makes sense. I'm so afraid of rejection that I can't even open the text thread. I know I need to. I want to get better. I don't want to be like this anymore. I don't know what's stopping me. I know I'm not handling this well, I can't figure out how to fix it
Hey that makes complete sense! I guess its just doing what is effective and often going against our natural urge to either verbally attack or to become passive and silent. Good luck!
 
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echo007

Member
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
8
Location
Pittsburgh PA
Hey that makes complete sense! I guess its just doing what is effective and often going against our natural urge to either verbally attack or to become passive and silent. Good luck!
Thanks! I'm a quite borderline so thankfully I rarely lash out. All my anger is directed inwards, then I feel guilty for feeling that way and I go into an epic shame spiral. I'm working on putting a grounding box together to try to get myself out of those moments. I felt like I was doing so well and it's frustrating when I take 10 steps back. I appreciate the time you took to help me. Thank you so much
 
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