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My therapist is terminating therapy and it's my fault.

P

Pffft

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Apr 23, 2012
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1,087
I'm devastated. I've been seeing a private therapist and she has said that she is unable to carry on treating me. She has gave me a few sessions to bring the therapy to a close but I'm devastated. I thought things were going to be different with her. I thought I had found a therapist that would help me get through this. I know it's my own fault, I wasn't expecting any of this to happen. I knew I shouldn't have trusted her.
 
C

chargrillwon

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Nov 16, 2021
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what happened if you don’t mind my asking?
 
O

OlderStudent

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Nov 17, 2021
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I’ve had it happen twice now so know your pain. You have to keep on pushing for help though
 
P

Pffft

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She said that I could email between appointments, which I did a couple of times between appointments but she then said she doesn't think she can give me the support I need. She says that she feels she can't give me enough. I feel really ashamed by it. She said she would be there for as long as I needed but in the end I became too much.
 
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chargrillwon

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don’t take it personally and let it get you down. She probably had a full roster of others or something.
 
H

hurghydurdy

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Oct 25, 2021
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uk
Would it maybe be helpful to shift how you look at it to instead of it being that you were "too much"
to think of it as that she didn't have the capacity she had hoped that she did to support you.

It sounds like it just wasn't a good therapeutic fit. An understandably painful situation for you so do be kind to yourself as you process this.
 
D

dewey

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Jan 16, 2019
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She said that I could email between appointments, which I did a couple of times between appointments but she then said she doesn't think she can give me the support I need. She says that she feels she can't give me enough. I feel really ashamed by it. She said she would be there for as long as I needed but in the end I became too much.
Tbh I wouldn't be upset or hurt by it, because it's quite possible that she was out of her depth and at least she recognised that the nature of your troubles wouldn't be something she could help with. In my opinion that's much more professional of her, than to string you along knowing that she doesn't have the right expertise.

From the sounds of it I doubt she is specialised in helping borderline, or has much experience with it, as it is a very specific illness to treat. Treatment has to be highly specialised usually DBT.

If therapists haven't got lots of experience with borderlines they are likely to be very flustered and/or not know what they're doing.

Don't use this as evidence of 'abandonment' when quite honestly you are probably better off with someone else. Try to find someone who is specialised helping borderline/prefarably DBT or mentalisation treatment as these are the types of therapy most likely to help.

By the way, I've been invested in a therapist for one year before, and it's very frustrating to do that and then look back and see that this person wasn't truly even qualified to help the nature of my issues. I'd kind of rather a therapist be honest that they couldn't help, you know.
 
bpdreamlover

bpdreamlover

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Jul 27, 2021
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TX
this has happened to me before i literally never wanted to go to therapy ever again
 
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WhySoSerious

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Oct 16, 2019
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UK
I am wondering whether there could be any way of bringing two positions together here:

It being all your fault <---------------------> It being all her fault

Firstly this is so painful, especially when you have hope that things will be different with her. If you felt you were clicking this can be even more painful. Did she give you any indication that this wasn't the right fit for both of you? Did it come out of the blue? If so that was not the most helpful way to proceed.

I would really be curious to know what happened that led to that conclusion for her? Emailing between sessions isn't really a reason. I wonder whether she felt completely unable to move forward with you for whatever reason (may be her feelings of being incompetent, it could be that she hasn't the skills do treat you effectively?)

I am also interested in what type of therapy she was doing with you? Did she specify? If you have a formal diagnosis of BPD then the only real options are MBT, DBT and possibly psychodynamic/analytical though there is little research that much else can be helpful. To do DBT you must be doing a group too, otherwise you can't be having the comprehensive treatment.

Therapists feel burnt out by us. That is a fact and there is huge amounts of data on the subject. It is why Linehan added so much support for therapists that do DBT because the fall out rate with BPD people was massive. I wonder whether she was taking care of herself emotionally too? If therapists fall into emotional traps with clients they feel hopeless and helpless and it is very easy to withdraw and escape that pain.

Good luck!
 
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WhySoSerious

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Oct 16, 2019
Messages
439
Location
UK
She said that I could email between appointments, which I did a couple of times between appointments but she then said she doesn't think she can give me the support I need. She says that she feels she can't give me enough. I feel really ashamed by it. She said she would be there for as long as I needed but in the end I became too much.
There for as long as you needed? Ooooh red flag for me.

Its sad to say but many people with BPD never feel "ready" to end therapy. You could go on for years and years and feel reasonably okay, but the moment therapy is meant to end it all falls to bits. That is common. Therapists with a BPD specialism will almost always set time scales and contract it so there is no ambiguity in expectations.
 
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