• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

My teacher was my FP. How do I move on?

R

roadsuntraveled

New member
Joined
Feb 4, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Texas
I had a teacher in high school who I got attached to. She allowed me to be in her class all 4 years. I've literally never even had a friendship last that long. No one in my life has ever acted as caring as she was toward me, and so I started seeing her as a mother figure. I frequently feared that I was burdening. A lot of times, I'd "jokingly" ask her if she hated me. When I was in high school I would realize all of my thoughts were irrational as soon as we'd interact again. That changed after graduating since I no longer would see her. Therefore, if she didn't return a message, my irrational thoughts would only keep building up. I selfishly took it personally. I let my own false thoughts hurt me and ended up sending a bunch of mean messages. She gave me so many chances but each time I'd blow it. After I'd realized what I did, I'd feel so guilty that I was making her put up with my behavior. I didn't want her to keep putting up with me so I pushed her to the point that she had to block me. Basically, I violated all of her boundaries as self-sabotage. It was such an idiotic thing to do and I knew I'd regret it. I didn't know how hard it would be to move on. It hurts me to think that she'd feel too uncomfortable to see me now. It would bring her joy to see any of her other past students & it would've been the same for me if I hadn't acted crazy. I don't know how to not care what she thinks of me now. She was the only person who made me feel worthy and gave me reassurance in high school. But I did this to myself. I wanted for her to not care or be burdened by me. It's like I have 2 different people in my head that want opposite things and just can't find a middle ground. Whenever I listen to the part of me that feels guilty and regretful, how do I stop hurting and just accept the fact that she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore?
 
R

Roseessa

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2018
Messages
98
Location
Nottingham
I think the most important thing is not her but you.
You have to sort your self out first then deal with this issue.
 
Top