My Symptoms of PTSD

Stephen Geog

Stephen Geog

Member
Joined
Sep 10, 2017
Messages
6
Location
Manchester UK
#1
It's not actually diagnosed in the UK, my Doctor said , but I'm a 49 yr old man, 50 in July, and from as young as I can remember, 4-5 yrs old, I was abused physically,sexually, every way till I started to run away at age 14-15, this was back in the 1980-s, I've lived with flashbacks, panic-attacks, nightmares all my life, and just got on with it ,till about 10 yrs ago, when I realised it was that person,who is dead some 20 odd years now who made me like this, I still suffer and cower away if I get a sudden flashback, I think it's called CPTSD, which means C means complex, because it's from a long time back in childhood, I have only started to open up about it every now and then in last 10 years as it was really embarrassing for me to talk about, to say I'm a man, but I was attacked, physically and sexually for 10 yrs minimum, 10 years ago I was attacked by 2 strangers with machetes, which landed me in Hospital for a week, and that just made me feel even worse than I usually was feeling, and I realized I had to talk, or I was going to go crazy, Now I have flashbacks of being attacked with machete aswell, I have tried suicide, a while ago, I injected Heroin, and meant to end my life, I was having a bad few days, but after I injected, I just woke up after 4-6 hours, so that didn't work,and I started to realise it's not my fault, it's that person who is now dead who is the nasty
( Can't say what I want) persons fault, I'm still battling on, no Matter what the doctor gives me, it doesn't stop the horrific memories, torture, sexual abuse, I went through, still suffering now at nearly 50 yrs old, my life ruined by an evil paedophile
 
C

change

Member
Joined
Jan 15, 2019
Messages
14
#2
Wow, that's pretty intense!

I'm 32. I have a small dream about one day speaking with other trauma survivors about what happened to me. I want to tell you what happens when you talk about it- Even if only to one therapist, in one room.

At first, you feel really vulnerable and you may be unable to talk at a normal volume. I remember being asked to speak up, and feeling like I was yelling, although I probably was talking at a normal volume.

When you share a memory, you relive it. That's true. But don't be discouraged, because this time you're sharing it in a safe environment, with a safe person. It's one of the most empowering things I've ever done as a trauma survivor. My CPTSD whoops my ass some days, but each time I tell my story I feel like I'm reminding people to protect their children, that nowadays their just as vulnerable as they've always been, that parents can be dangerous people. I'm reminding people to be grateful for unblemished childhoods, and to always be a little too nosey when a child's safety is involved. It's not easy. But my belief is that when I show myself as I am- I don't sugarcoat how my CPTSD handicaps me- it makes it a little bit harder to be the person that suspects that somethings wrong in a child's home and do nothing about it.

In this way, the truth about what has happened to me really does set me free. It makes people uncomfortable to hear that these things happen, and I believe it's because I'm asking them to be a little less comfortable with ignoring obvious signs of child abuse. Just by telling my story.

Good luck. Much Love. Thank you for being brave enough to share this with me.
 
Hopeful313

Hopeful313

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
297
Location
Minnesota, USA
#3
It's not actually diagnosed in the UK, my Doctor said , but I'm a 49 yr old man, 50 in July, and from as young as I can remember, 4-5 yrs old, I was abused physically,sexually, every way till I started to run away at age 14-15, this was back in the 1980-s, I've lived with flashbacks, panic-attacks, nightmares all my life, and just got on with it ,till about 10 yrs ago, when I realised it was that person,who is dead some 20 odd years now who made me like this, I still suffer and cower away if I get a sudden flashback, I think it's called CPTSD, which means C means complex, because it's from a long time back in childhood, I have only started to open up about it every now and then in last 10 years as it was really embarrassing for me to talk about, to say I'm a man, but I was attacked, physically and sexually for 10 yrs minimum, 10 years ago I was attacked by 2 strangers with machetes, which landed me in Hospital for a week, and that just made me feel even worse than I usually was feeling, and I realized I had to talk, or I was going to go crazy, Now I have flashbacks of being attacked with machete aswell, I have tried suicide, a while ago, I injected Heroin, and meant to end my life, I was having a bad few days, but after I injected, I just woke up after 4-6 hours, so that didn't work,and I started to realise it's not my fault, it's that person who is now dead who is the nasty
( Can't say what I want) persons fault, I'm still battling on, no Matter what the doctor gives me, it doesn't stop the horrific memories, torture, sexual abuse, I went through, still suffering now at nearly 50 yrs old, my life ruined by an evil paedophile
I am sorry that you had such horrible things happened to you. It’s not your fault at all and you should never feel that you were responsible.

May I ask if you’ve tried Escitalopram/Lexapro? It’s a very good medication for CPTSD.

I hope you feel better soon.
Peace and blessings to you.
 
Stephen Geog

Stephen Geog

Member
Joined
Sep 10, 2017
Messages
6
Location
Manchester UK
#4
I am sorry that you had such horrible things happened to you. It’s not your fault at all and you should never feel that you were responsible.

May I ask if you’ve tried Escitalopram/Lexapro? It’s a very good medication for CPTSD.

I hope you feel better soon.
Peace and blessings to you.
Hiya, I am currently taking 20mg escitalaporsm daily, for last 8 months, it is the best medication I've tried in last 10 years, but nothing has ever stopped my symptoms, the escitalaporam helps, but I just think I've had these bad symptoms for say 35 years now,that they're going to go, and it's just how I am, they're built in.
 
Stephen Geog

Stephen Geog

Member
Joined
Sep 10, 2017
Messages
6
Location
Manchester UK
#5
Wow, that's pretty intense!

I'm 32. I have a small dream about one day speaking with other trauma survivors about what happened to me. I want to tell you what happens when you talk about it- Even if only to one therapist, in one room.

At first, you feel really vulnerable and you may be unable to talk at a normal volume. I remember being asked to speak up, and feeling like I was yelling, although I probably was talking at a normal volume.

When you share a memory, you relive it. That's true. But don't be discouraged, because this time you're sharing it in a safe environment, with a safe person. It's one of the most empowering things I've ever done as a trauma survivor. My CPTSD whoops my ass some days, but each time I tell my story I feel like I'm reminding people to protect their children, that nowadays their just as vulnerable as they've always been, that parents can be dangerous people. I'm reminding people to be grateful for unblemished childhoods, and to always be a little too nosey when a child's safety is involved. It's not easy. But my belief is that when I show myself as I am- I don't sugarcoat how my CPTSD handicaps me- it makes it a little bit harder to be the person that suspects that somethings wrong in a child's home and do nothing about it.

In this way, the truth about what has happened to me really does set me free. It makes people uncomfortable to hear that these things happen, and I believe it's because I'm asking them to be a little less comfortable with ignoring obvious signs of child abuse. Just by telling my story.

Good luck. Much Love. Thank you for being brave enough to share this with me.
Thank you
 
Stephen Geog

Stephen Geog

Member
Joined
Sep 10, 2017
Messages
6
Location
Manchester UK
#6
Thank you for believing me too, as I feel that when I do tell people, I think they don't believe that I could go through what I did Go through,and still be around, (not committed suicide), unless you've been through some traumatic times like some of us on the forums they just don't know how we feel, or live our lives everyday, there's been 100's of times I wanted to end it all, I tried once and failed, and to tell the truth,I'm just too scared to do or try again, even though I feel like I really want too.
Thanks for listening to me, it's good txting or emailing, as I'm not paranoid of someone looking at me and thinking I'm lying, as if I could lie about the stuff that I have in my head,