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My Suspected Bipolar, My Countdown and what really is Mania?

L

LightMeUp

Member
Joined
Mar 9, 2013
Messages
22
Hello Everyone, I'm 20 years old and have suspected Bipolar, I don't really know what I expect from joining this site or what I expect from any of you guys, but I'm just finding it hard until I get my proper diagnosis on the 18th of March. It's now 9 days away but it feels as if it's an eternity =/ I've already waited 12 days and I know that seems like a little amount of time but too me its like a lifetime. I have so many things going around my head that I can't talk to my loved ones about, this appointment just can't arrive quickly enough. And I don't really know what to expect, though I presume it will be like all the other endless appointments I've been to and to no avail getting nowhere. I'm trying to be positive that I'll finally get some answers and solutions. It's been a loosing battle so far. Someone gave me insight on the mood chart and mood diary that you can download on the uk Bipolor page to take along to the appointment with me. Seems like a good idea, though my lack of motivation to do anything like that is going to prove doing that simple thing difficult.My Cognitive Behavior Therapy had been put on hold until 'my head' is in a 'suitable place'. I understand making small diary entries will make things easier on the day, I think i will finally find some peace in been able to share some of what i believe to be 'manic' states. It is a bit of a burden to carry around alone. May I ask where I might find some experiences of the 'Mania' side of Bipolar. I guess I'm not sure I quite believe this is what I could have, maybe if I could relate to others stories I would have a better understanding. All the manic symptoms I read always seem to be about spending money recklessly but what about all the other possible disastrous things people do in mania? I'd like to read a variety of other examples to see if i can relate to any.

But anyway this is me and Hello :)
 
S

suzy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 26, 2009
Messages
1,066
It differs

True mania is losing sense of reality - so some have delusions of grandeur, even believe they are being spied on/ crazy theory's like they are in the right and no one else can see it...that's the best way i can describe it...secretive behavior too so some may not see it. Mania/Psychosis- lose sense of reality, may hear or see things that are not there
(Bipolar type one- If mania present)

Type 2
(Hypomania)
body speeded up
unable to sleep
irritable
grand ideas and creativity
highly talkative
loss of inhibition...sexual inhibitions...
talking to strangers..


Well that's the best i can describe it, mania is scary people could even kill themselves in it by doing dangerous things but that's like serious of the serious
 
D

Desperatefortime

New member
Joined
Mar 9, 2013
Messages
1
Location
Toronto
I'm new too but have been diagnosed. Wrongly at first.
I know how you feel but hang in there, you seem like you belong with all us other crazies.

Good luck
 
LyonsCMW

LyonsCMW

New member
Joined
Mar 10, 2013
Messages
2
I've been diagnosed as bipolar for the past 10 years so I'm pretty aware of my episodes, when they're coming on and what to expect, which is important, so I can prepare to be proactive about it before I do something stupid. When I'm manic, my thoughts go in ten different directions at once, so much so that it is difficult to form a complete train of though. I become very talkative and super confident in everything I say, I decide on these huge plans that when I'm not manic would generally not want to do... ie:moving across the country 5 different times to start a new wonderful life... which just ended in me not having the resources to live. I go shopping more, for anything, just so long as I'm aquiring new things... I get moree impatient and irritable... this is too long now so I'll stop writing, but I think you get the point.
 
L

LightMeUp

Member
Joined
Mar 9, 2013
Messages
22
Thank you for taking the time to reply guys. I guess what I have been stressing about, is whether or not I meet the criteria of the Mania side of Bipolar. It would mean quite a lot to me to finally have a diagnosis and then I can finally begin to move forward with my life. Its been one heck of a roller coaster. LyonsCMW everything you just mentioned about your mania is pretty much how I am, like last night for instance, I just could not sleep, even thought I had taken my tablets my mind overtook the sedation. My thoughts were racing and it was like a television in my mind, flicking through all the different channels and hearing all the thousands of different conversations at once. Then there were the visual thoughts, stupid random scenes from plays, concerts, tv, soaps, films, memories all playing out to me. Then I tried to pin point my actual thought, where was I in all this? where was the core? I screamed in my head to try find myself but my head was just so crowded and I just can't shut off. It's just full of noise. I was so tired but so full of energy. I also felt really shakey, giddy and anxious. Another way to describe what was going on in my mind is like loads of different ways and versions of thinking and thoughts all going on and happening at the same time.

Baring in mind this was just one simple nights sleep and by no means compares to some of the things I hope i can share with you guys.

LMU :)
 
F

findingmyownway

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2013
Messages
1,595
Hi LightMeUp, I'm sorry things are difficult for you right now.

These are my thoughts on the process you're going through ..

Hello Everyone, I'm 20 years old and have suspected Bipolar, I don't really know what I expect from joining this site or what I expect from any of you guys, but I'm just finding it hard until I get my proper diagnosis on the 18th of March. It's now 9 days away but it feels as if it's an eternity =/ I've already waited 12 days and I know that seems like a little amount of time but too me its like a lifetime. I have so many things going around my head that I can't talk to my loved ones about, this appointment just can't arrive quickly enough. And I don't really know what to expect, though I presume it will be like all the other endless appointments I've been to and to no avail getting nowhere. I'm trying to be positive that I'll finally get some answers and solutions. It's been a loosing battle so far. Someone gave me insight on the mood chart and mood diary that you can download on the uk Bipolor page to take along to the appointment with me. Seems like a good idea, though my lack of motivation to do anything like that is going to prove doing that simple thing difficult.My Cognitive Behavior Therapy had been put on hold until 'my head' is in a 'suitable place'. I understand making small diary entries will make things easier on the day, I think i will finally find some peace in been able to share some of what i believe to be 'manic' states. It is a bit of a burden to carry around alone. May I ask where I might find some experiences of the 'Mania' side of Bipolar. I guess I'm not sure I quite believe this is what I could have, maybe if I could relate to others stories I would have a better understanding. All the manic symptoms I read always seem to be about spending money recklessly but what about all the other possible disastrous things people do in mania? I'd like to read a variety of other examples to see if i can relate to any.

But anyway this is me and Hello :)
What answers do you expect a bipolar disorder diagnosis will give you? What will it tell you about yourself that you don't know now, and how will that help you in your life?

It might tell you that you have a brain disease (or maybe if you don't meet all the criteria for brain disease then you don't, but perhaps if you've been spending lots of money and getting drunk a lot, then maybe you do have a brain disease?) -do you see the logic and see what I'm saying?

Will it really help you being told you have a brain disease? Perhaps if someone tells you that you do have this awful lifelong condition, then you could end up actually believing it. Perhaps that might really mess you up? It might ruin all your confidence, and screw up your chances in relationships / jobs etc. Bearing this in mind, do you really want someone to tell you have bipolar?

If you don't agree with what I'm saying, then I will ask how it is you think getting a psychiatric diagnosis will improve your life? And how many lives are really enriched by being given a psychiatric label?.. ''It was a sense of relief'' is about the most positive thing I ever hear.

You don't need a psychiatric label to take psychiatric drugs for instance.

Thank you for taking the time to reply guys. I guess what I have been stressing about, is whether or not I meet the criteria of the Mania side of Bipolar. It would mean quite a lot to me to finally have a diagnosis and then I can finally begin to move forward with my life. Its been one heck of a roller coaster. LyonsCMW everything you just mentioned about your mania is pretty much how I am, like last night for instance, I just could not sleep, even thought I had taken my tablets my mind overtook the sedation. My thoughts were racing and it was like a television in my mind, flicking through all the different channels and hearing all the thousands of different conversations at once. Then there were the visual thoughts, stupid random scenes from plays, concerts, tv, soaps, films, memories all playing out to me. Then I tried to pin point my actual thought, where was I in all this? where was the core? I screamed in my head to try find myself but my head was just so crowded and I just can't shut off. It's just full of noise. I was so tired but so full of energy. I also felt really shakey, giddy and anxious. Another way to describe what was going on in my mind is like loads of different ways and versions of thinking and thoughts all going on and happening at the same time.

Baring in mind this was just one simple nights sleep and by no means compares to some of the things I hope i can share with you guys.

LMU :)
Why do you need a psychiatric label to move forward with your life? Is it because you think a psychiatric label will provide you with answers? And if so what answers will it give you?

This is the introduction for 'bipolar disorder' on the NHS website:

Bipolar disorder – known in the past as manic depression – is a condition that affects your moods, which can swing from one extreme to another.

The exact cause of bipolar disorder is not fully understood. However, experts believe that a number of different factors act together and make a person more likely to develop the condition. These are thought to be a complex mix of physical, environmental and social factors.


It doesn't sound like a particularly informative label to me. :confused:
 
Last edited:
C

Callalily

Guest
While I think a diagnosis of anything can give you some relief and can may provide answers, it is not something I wish I had been given. I now don't feel I can have children as this could be passed on, I now have no hope that I will "recover", merely learn to manage it, insurance is affected, you may not be able to drive for periods of time or they may feel it is unsafe for you to drive at all, you have to tell your employers otherwise if you are off with this condition, they can fire you for not being honest, to be honest a diagnosis can bring about more problems than it solves, "be careful what you wish for" springs to mind.
 
L

LightMeUp

Member
Joined
Mar 9, 2013
Messages
22
Hello Findingmyownway

Firstly thank you for taking the time to reply to me in so much depth, I appreciate the time. I will try answer your questions the best I can.

What answers do you expect a bipolar disorder diagnosis will give you? What will it tell you about yourself that you don't know now, and how will that help you in your life?

I guess your right in saying, what will it actually tell me what I already don't know. I just feel having a diagnosis will help my family understand where my head is at, so perhaps it is more for them, than it is myself. I'm sick of my family treading on eggshells around me because they don't know how to deal, cope with me, it's not a nice feeling. Perhaps if I was 'labeled' they could begin to understand the extent of what I'm going through. I guess aswell forgive me if you don't agree, but I feel it will give me reason? and answer to why I feel so messed up and have done so many bad things. Rather than just being a messed up person. If this makes sense. Some of the things I have done, go against everything I believe in as a person and are completely out of character. And I would like to believe that it is an illness rather than me being this horrible nasty human being.

I'm not sure if I have answered your questions. Let me know if I missed something in particular you felt I should have answered.

LMU :)
 
L

LightMeUp

Member
Joined
Mar 9, 2013
Messages
22
Hi Callalily, Thanks for your Reply.

I'm a little worried now, as I have a 3 year old =/ Thank you for sharing your worries and concerns of how a diagnosis has affected your life. I would like to pinpoint that I do not wish this for myself, I wouldn't wish it on anyone believe me. All I was saying was if I knew why I was like the way I am, that perhaps it would help, not necessarily that it would.

LMU:)
 
C

Callalily

Guest
I didn't mean that you wished you had it, more wished for the diagnosis, I know before mine, I wanted to know what it was etc. However now I know, I am not sure it makes any difference really. Maybe it would be different for you, I don't know and wouldn't like to say but I can now see why it took so long for me to get the diagnosis and the professionals involved in my care were very good and cautious about sticking a label on me that would be with me for the rest of my life. While I do understand now what is wrong with me etc. I think for me it was so blatantly obvious that I kinda knew before I had the diagnosis.

Try not to worry about your child, easier said than done, I just think it is something that needs a lot of consideration if you have the diagnosis/illness before a child. For me I have to worry about the thought of having to come off/change/possibly harm my child with psychiatric meds, pregnancy can be very dangerous for people with bipolar, then there is the nature v nurture thing, the nature (genetics) is not guaranteed, but because my mam has it, it makes me concerned. Then the nurture side of it, I know that there are times I can't care for myself and I worry what position that would put me in if I had a child in my care. I would also be closely monitored throughout pregnancy and so being the anxious person I can be, I would naturally worry about involvement of Social Services, even though as a professional, I know they would be there to help. As I said, I think if you have children before the illness or diagnosis, you don't have the exact same fears as you are none the wiser and then don't need to worry about things and probably learn to just manage the best you can. I'm sure you are a very good parent, diagnosis or no diagnosis. :hug5:
 
F

findingmyownway

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2013
Messages
1,595
I guess your right in saying, what will it actually tell me what I already don't know. I just feel having a diagnosis will help my family understand where my head is at, so perhaps it is more for them, than it is myself. I'm sick of my family treading on eggshells around me because they don't know how to deal, cope with me, it's not a nice feeling. Perhaps if I was 'labeled' they could begin to understand the extent of what I'm going through. I guess aswell forgive me if you don't agree, but I feel it will give me reason? and answer to why I feel so messed up and have done so many bad things. Rather than just being a messed up person. If this makes sense. Some of the things I have done, go against everything I believe in as a person and are completely out of character. And I would like to believe that it is an illness rather than me being this horrible nasty human being.
It sounds like you would like a label for validation - to say ''there is a reason for this, my suffering is valid''.

My very brief thoughts on this would be that:

- I don't think labels are informative (many people do though - wrongly in my view)
- I think there are many very negative effects of being labelled, from practical effects, to more personal and long lasting ones.

However the most important point as far as I see it as that you don't need a label to validate your experiences. Your experiences are valid, your suffering and pain is valid.

There may be a physiological reason / contribution for your experiences, an illness. Whether a label exists over you or not, will not confirm or change this in any way.

If your family can only accept your experiences as being validated under a label, I'm afraid that is their issue (as much as it affects you I'm sure).

A label wont explain anything. No one even knows what bipolar disorder is, there is not much agreement on what constitutes it, what it is caused by - I mean, like any other label, what the fuck really is it?

This is not to say peoples problems / experiences / illnesses don't exist - Of course they do, but as far as a validation tools are concerned, psychiatric labels are useless. They are not informative, scientifically or personally. (in my view, which many people don't share!).

Hi Callalily, Thanks for your Reply.

I'm a little worried now, as I have a 3 year old =/ Thank you for sharing your worries and concerns of how a diagnosis has affected your life. I would like to pinpoint that I do not wish this for myself, I wouldn't wish it on anyone believe me. All I was saying was if I knew why I was like the way I am, that perhaps it would help, not necessarily that it would.

LMU:)
Personally, I have found out a lot more about myself since I 'de-diagnosed' myself a while back. I still take lithium and antipsychotics - check out my signature! Of course the practical implications (jobs etc.) are still there. But in terms of thinking about why I think about things the way I do, and why I behave in the way I have behaved, thinking outside of labels has been important in helping me in my own process of recovery.
 
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