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My Suicidal Thoughts

T

trackstar123

Member
Joined
May 9, 2020
Messages
6
Location
North America
HI everyone,
I have really been struggling with thoughts of suicide recently. I actually thought of ways that I would want to go that wouldn't hurt my loved ones that badly. I have been pushing away my boyfriend (who I live with and frequently talk about the future with) but I have been pushing him away and I am not sure if it is to make it easier for me to circulate these thoughts, or if I am somehow trying to make it easier for him if I can't beat the thoughts that I am having. I have thought about doing it in ways that seem like an accident like getting hit by a car or something of a similar nature. I know that I need to overcome these thoughts and regularly attend therapy, I just can't seem to shake this feeling right now. It has been growing for a few months and it has gradually picked up in severity as time has gone on. I just feel so alone and I know that my thoughts are too overwhelming for myself so they're going to be for everyone who is important to me as well. I was hoping I could get some help from someone on here about personally experiences and how you have handled them.
Thank you so much for your time!
 
T

trackstar123

Member
Joined
May 9, 2020
Messages
6
Location
North America
HI everyone,
I have really been struggling with thoughts of suicide recently. I actually thought of ways that I would want to go that wouldn't hurt my loved ones that badly. I have been pushing away my boyfriend (who I live with and frequently talk about the future with) but I have been pushing him away and I am not sure if it is to make it easier for me to circulate these thoughts, or if I am somehow trying to make it easier for him if I can't beat the thoughts that I am having. I have thought about doing it in ways that seem like an accident like getting hit by a car or something of a similar nature. I know that I need to overcome these thoughts and regularly attend therapy, I just can't seem to shake this feeling right now. It has been growing for a few months and it has gradually picked up in severity as time has gone on. I just feel so alone and I know that my thoughts are too overwhelming for myself so they're going to be for everyone who is important to me as well. I was hoping I could get some help from someone on here about personally experiences and how you have handled them.
Thank you so much for your time!
I also want to say that I regularly workout and am an overall healthy person, I just don't know why I am still struggling with these thoughts.
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
3,389
Location
London, ON
Reminding myself of obligations to others helps me. So does keeping busy.

Self-awareness, in terms of figuring out where teh root of this mood comes from would be a big help.

Also, discovering the body of a neighbour who took his own life, while his concerned friend watched over my shoulder as I checked the apartment, brought home to me there is no real way to spare those around you.
 
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