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my story *trigger warning*

  • Thread starter Headintheclouds24
  • Start date
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Headintheclouds24

Member
Joined
Nov 3, 2020
Messages
17
Location
United Kingdom
Hi so basically, I've never really talked about those events that lead to me developing PTSD, yet they involved a lot of people. I think its about time my stories were released into the world so here I am, telling my truth in an attempt to find a way through, or at the very least show someone else that they aren't alone.

pre warning- my memories are a bit fragmented.

When I was 10 years old, I was on a school trip. I was sitting at the font of the top deck, we were travelling down the road when suddenly a fire began to spread along the left side of the road, which was covered in a line of trees. As we travelled further up we saw that a car had crashed into a lorry and the lorry had set fire to a tree. One of the drivers had died at the scene, that was the first time I saw a body bag. The police helped our driver make a 3 point turn without backing into the fire...that was just foreshadowing.

A few months later, I was on a different school trip. It was january and snowing quite a bit. We were travelling to a historical place of interest and were basically in the middle of no-where, the only thing in sight was a roadside cafe. I was at the back of the top deck, the row in front of the row where the engine was. This time I sat with a friend who got travel sick, she had the window seat and I had the isle seat. Suddenly all the people behind us started standing up and smoke began to pour out from the wall. A teacher's assistant came upstairs to see what all the fuss was about and she shouted downstairs to the driver "STOP YOUR COACH IS ON FIRE!" She told us to stay in our seats. My friend was confused as she had been asleep and had only woken up when she heard the TA. I told her that the fire was right behind us and we were told to stay in our seats and cover our faces. I don't know how long it was until we got out. I was told to take my bag so that my friend didn't trip but I dropped it on the stairs. As soon as we left the bus, we were told to cross over to the side of the road...a fireman was kind enough to rescue my bag and my friend was hungry so I gave her my lunch....the next thing I remember is a bang as all the windows burst, I got separated from my friend and there was the sound of 60 people screaming. The driver was smoking a cigarette. Then there was fire engines and police and ambulances. So many people were screaming in agony, our lungs felt like they were burning from the inside, people were getting checked out by the ambulance crews for smoke inhalation. I couldn't calm down, I don't know all that much of what I did or how long it all went on for or even how I got back to where I'm from but I couldn't calm down and I was being shouted at. I had to go home with someone else whilst my parents came home from work, they thought I was over exaggerating until they saw the pictures. My mother knew that I had been diagnosed with PTSD after the event but she didn't tell me that that was what it was called until February this year.

Later, when I was 14, 6 of my classmates nearly died because of a rockslide whilst we were doing a watersports residential...

Finally, February this year. I was meeting up with a long-distance friend who I had met in person once and had become good friends with online. We had a great day and got to know eachother even better, even became closer as friends. We were walking down a side road on the way to the train station, where we were due to part ways when we saw a woman attempting to walk away from a man. He was really aggressive and sounded as if he was either on drugs or alchohol. We hid in the shadows. He grabbed the woman and pinned her against the wall...another passer by asked us if we had called the police, my friend told them that we were about to so she asked me as I had my phone out. But I couldn't move. I was completely frozen. All I could do was give her my phone and stutter that I couldn't make the call. She called police and they said they would be 5 mins. They weren't. They were too late, the man pulled the woman away and they still hadn't arrived. We debated about if we should wait but the other bystander said that they would and advised us to leave as it was getting late and dark. My friend and I parted at the train station due to the fact that we live in separate places. I had to travel home alone.

I hate how powerless I was the first time. I don't know if I can forgive myself for what happened the second time, I could have done something but I didn't. I shouldn't have frozen. Those people were screaming out in agony and I didn't know how to make it stop, I wish none of it had ever happened and I wish those people hadn't gotten hurt.

I don't know what happened to that woman, but I sincerely hope that someone helped her escape that situation.

I will forever be greatful that I was the only one out of those people on the coach during the fire to have developed PTSD, even though I hate living with it I'm glad that none of them have to suffer through it.
 
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Crazyswede

Active member
Joined
Nov 5, 2020
Messages
38
Location
Norfolk
I have only just joined this site myself and am in no position to give advice. However, I think I also have PTSD (undiagnosed). However, after informal sessions with my retired ex psychiatrist friend, I know that I am not to blame for my situation, and neither are you. PTSD is a bitch to be sure , one that you keep reliving. I hope you can recover and leave the past where it belongs.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
15,774
Location
England
Hi,
I'm sorry you developed ptsd, thank you for sharing your story.
Hope you've tried therapy.
Hope you can heal from this.
Hugs
 
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Headintheclouds24

Member
Joined
Nov 3, 2020
Messages
17
Location
United Kingdom
Hi,
I'm sorry you developed ptsd, thank you for sharing your story.
Hope you've tried therapy.
Hope you can heal from this.
Hugs
Thank you for the hugs!
Tried therapy for a bit but it didn't work out- doctors where I live don't recognise mental health- looking into other ways to get support
 
H

Headintheclouds24

Member
Joined
Nov 3, 2020
Messages
17
Location
United Kingdom
I have only just joined this site myself and am in no position to give advice. However, I think I also have PTSD (undiagnosed). However, after informal sessions with my retired ex psychiatrist friend, I know that I am not to blame for my situation, and neither are you. PTSD is a bitch to be sure , one that you keep reliving. I hope you can recover and leave the past where it belongs.
Thank you!
 
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