My story so far



Jan 26, 2019
East Texas
Hey guys, I've been seeing a lot of really sad post lately and wanted to share some of my experiences. Maybe it will help someone :) I've struggled with social anxiety ever sense first or second grade. It was a more specific kind of anxiety. It was easy for me to go to school, talk to my friends etc but anything else was terrifying. I could hardly ask friends for their number even though we'd been friends for months. I was this way all the way through high school, I wasn't too bothered by this because I had a nice little friend group and was pretty content with that. However when collage came around my friends all moved off and I stayed. I went into collage with zero friends, heck I didn't even know anyone. It was super hard and I was extremely lonely. I never felt like I belonged anywhere and I grew very isolated. In my first year I only made one real friend and even then I wouldn't consider us to be really deep friends. I was also in classes with a very small group of the same people for most of my time. They were all very confident and outgoing people which was obliviously completely opposite to me. I was the quiet and weird one and they picked on me all the time. I honestly don't think they were trying to be mean but were just playing around with me for the most part, but I couldn't help but be bothered because I was so insecure about it. Overtime all these negative experiences made my anxiety worse. One night in particular was my lowest point. I had gone to a Bible study club on campus one night in an effort to get out more. At some point I was at a table playing games with a lot of people I did know. I was the odd man out for sure because they all knew each other and didn't know me at all. I was doing my best to participate and just be normal but I couldn't help being anxious. It seemed like every time I spoke or really did anything everyone got quiet and stared at me. Towards the end there was one girl that acted almost disgusted at me, like I had the plague or something. On the way back to my car I was so disgusted with myself, I was so ashamed at my failure to even be normal. I never went back there and I was pretty broken for a few days. I got to some pretty dark places throughout that year or so, even to the point that I considered suicide because I thought I could never change.
The one thing Im so glad I did was I never gave up. I went to another club and started again. This time was different, I was still nervous but I stuck with it. I went the next week and the week after, eventually making friends with some of the people there. I started hanging out more with them outside of the club too. During this time I met someone really amazing and started a relationship with her too. I look back now at where I was not that long ago and im so thankful that I kept trying. I know If I would have given up then I would not have what I have now. Don't get me wrong I still struggle with social anxiety and im not where I want to be yet. But I know I can get better, I can achieve every goal ive set and I know that I will. Everyone can get better and be who they want to be, I didn't believe it before but it's true. I believe in all of you guys too! Just keep pushing as hard as you can and keep getting out there. Praying for you all :)
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