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my story, advice needed, urgently :)



New member
Mar 14, 2010
Hey everyone :)
Well this is a long one so i hope your ready :D

Basically im amy, im 17 and have been suffering from ocd since the age of 8 or 9. My ocd started off when my nan had breast cancer and was in hospital i started feeling the need to clean, and that all germs were harmful. School only made this worse (due to the fact that school only ever tells you that germs are harmful and doesnt actually tell you that a certain ammount of germs is needed for your immune system to stay strong), then when the fireman come into school to show us about fires and how they start, that just added a whole new thought factor too my head. At around the age of 12 i was not letting anything touch (bed against the wall, chairs touching desks), checking plugs were off before bed and everything was in a straight line, etc etc along with my obsessional washing. I was showering around 4 times a day and everytime i touched ANYTHING i would wash my hands (so i was basically spending my days washing my hands).

After my mum finally got the courage to take me to my gp i was refered to my local camhs which after a assessment appointment refered me to a trial at the moursley hospital in london. This was 12 sessions of intence cbt one hour a week with two optional appointments after (if needed). With my theropist Linda i managed to beat my germ ocd (by running around outside, touching things, picking things such as dropping keys on the floor then picking them up, and even putting a bit of mud in my mouth). I also managed to beat my fire ones by realising what i was doing was only preventing the risk of fire by 0.00000000000000000000002 percent or something silly like that. However this was my first theorpy which was just cbt and no knowlage behind it, so on week 10 when my theropist had a three week holiday i developed a new ocd with the fear of the number that comes after 12 (you will have to work the number out for yourself because im affraid at the moment i cant type it).

When my theropist came back i just couldnt shift this therefore was refered back to my local camhs where i spent a year in theropy with my ocd just decreasing. By the age of 15 i was unable to attend school because my ocd was at extremes of it taking me up to an hour just to do my counts to get out of bed. I was tapping everything i touched to make sure i went over the number after 12 to prevent "bad luck". This lead to an addmition into hospital (which didnt help anything) and because by this time i was 16 i discharged myself.

However when i returned home my younger brother had begun to have an obsession with germs and had in his mind that because my dad had lost a lot of weight my dad had aids. My brothers ocd then got progressively worse with him locking himself in his room, setting up "booby traps" with bottles to make sure noone went in his room. After a while this become extreme. He was not eating any food unless he went and got it himself with my mum. He would check packets and if there was a hole he would assume it was contaminated by someone who was "trying to poision him". No one can touch anything of his or is allowed in his room so we had to put a lock on the door just to get him out of his room to go and buy food with my mum walking around ten paces behind him. His handwashing was taking four hours for him to get right, which then lead to him avoiding washing his hands therefore going to the bathroom in his room.

This going on only made my ocd worse. Because my ocd evolves around bad luck i thought i had done something wrong for this to happen to my brother.
Lately i am tapping on everything i touch be it a doorframe by accident too the cup i drink from to go over the number i dont like. I basically beguin by going 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4 1 2 (to make ten) then doing it around eight times or untill i feel i have completed it.

On wednesday my brother had an appointment at the hospital i got addmitted too, and is being addmitted tomorrow (monday). I have a feeling that this is why my mood has sunk and my counts have worsened to the extent i dont even want to leave my bed in the mornings but am unable to sleep at night because of the continuous thoughts. I think its because i hated it so much i dont want him too have to go through that. My depression has also gone downhill as my counts have and my mood at the moment is at a all time low with the need too eat the last thing in my mind (mainly due to the face i dont want to count more than i have to and i count on food). Also lately i think i am devoloping an eating disorder because eventhough i am a size four or six (naturally) i am seeing fat on my legs and stomach.

I am not really sure what to do with myself
I am now attending theropy (cbt and knowlage and battle of depression) at morsley again and they have refered me too the priory ocd specialist unit in north london for an assessment for in patient treatment. I dont really want to go into hospital again though due to the bad experiance last time. I was thinking maybe when my brother is in hospital, my ocd may improve due to there being less stress at home (horrible thing to say i know but i feel like im stuck between a rock and a hard place)

I am not really sure what to do so i joined this forum too hopefully find people with common problems
any advice is loved

amy :)


Apr 1, 2010
Hi Amy

Wow what a story !
What medication if any have you been prescribed from what i understand CBT is soposed to be a very effective treatment and it seems that it realy worked for you in the past, i got it offered but i just wasn't ready to deal with explaining my thoughts to some one when i had no idea what my thoughts were as they were so random and not always connected to anything that i could make sense of, so how she expected me to go over them when i would either forget or not be able to explain them out loud i do not know ?
My Bro had the Germ thing and would not use Tea towels but kitchen roll only my mother used to crazy there was never any left in the house when he used to come and visit, he would then move on to toilet tissue after the Kitchen roll had gone, he would thrw all dish cloths and sponges away as they contained germs.
He,s 41 and has stopped his medication and manages to cope with out them at the mo, however he would not sit on a chair in the beer arden because it had rust and the bench had to be the place we sat.
Has anyone mentioned that it could be genetic with you and your brothers having it ? and is there any Eplilepsy in the family ?

Laters Mark