My social anxiety is really hurting me

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emmawerner53

New member
Joined
Jan 7, 2019
Messages
2
#1
I'm a 22 year old girl. I've had social anxiety since I was seven years old- I lost my mother that year in a car accident I was also in. Then my little brother, dad and I moved across the country and I started a new school a couple months after this. I was bullied badly in school from 2nd grade all the way through high school and had no friends. I also have depression, generalized anxiety and PTSD, but I feel like the social anxiety has affected me the most. I never got a chance to really learn any social skills. I always feel like I've never been able to fit in, be a normal person and make friends. I suffer from a very low self esteem because of this; it hurts me a lot. All I want is to be normal and able to socialize and have friends. I'm really jealous of others who can socialize easily, like my brother, who has no trouble at all making tons of friends. I kinda had a mental breakdown when I went to college and I started to self harm and do drugs to kill my pain. This ended in a hard drug addiction which resulted in me flunking out of school, isolating myself even further, and ODing and nearly dying and being in a bunch of abusive relationships. After a few stints in rehab I've finally been able to get and stay clean this time- in 4 days I'll have 7 months clean- but I still struggle with the issues that caused me to do drugs in the first place. I'm having a really hard time staying sober now because my depression and anxiety are so bad. Recently I started self harming again and I'm crying almost every day. Do you have any tips or advice for me? I just wanted to meet some people who are goin through similar things and can maybe help me
 
Bizzarebitrary

Bizzarebitrary

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2018
Messages
382
Location
California, US
#2
Hello and welcome. You've endured a lot of misfortune at an early age, more than some people will experience in a lifetime and my heart goes out to you.

It can be so hard to feel compassion for oneself when depression distorts our thoughts. Maybe a way to begin feeling better about who you are is to realize there is tremendous strength and courage within you. The evidence of it is that you survived. And survival isn't what everybody does if they've faced what you have. Additionally, you faced addiction and made the choice to address it - congratulations on 7 months clean, by the way. You made that choice and even if you should relapse, your intention remains to not use. That's not the case with everyone who faces addiction.

You mentioned social anxiety. Managing anxiety is possible by practicing some skills to control your breathing and control the negative thoughts that become so distracting we can't function in social situations. Maybe we can help you learn these skills.

Which do you feel is worse in social situations, the distress you feel in your body or the intrusive thoughts racing through your mind?
 
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eli_mom

Member
Joined
Feb 12, 2018
Messages
24
#3
Hi- Please check with your doctor and I hope he can help you to overcome depression and anxiety.

You’ve been through a lot, I’m sorry you are going through this illness but I hope you will not lose hope. Please try not to harm yourself. You are not alone, we are right here for you. Please keep posting and I hope you will get the support you need to get better. I pray for peace and things will get better for you. Keep us posted. God bless.
 
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emmawerner53

New member
Joined
Jan 7, 2019
Messages
2
#4
I feel like it's bad both in my body and my head. I isolate myself in my room because of my depression and because I'm really guarded from past experiences, as well as my anxiety. I really want friends and a social life but I have no idea where to start and I'm too scared it'll go badly and I'll get hurt. I also have no idea where to start with meeting new people. I have a couple close friends but now I don't live in the same town as them. I get really bad intrusive thoughts especially with new people. I'm over analyzing everything I say and I always worry the person thinks I'm stupid or ugly or a loser etc and they are secretly judging and gossiping about me (I'm sure this stems from being bullied as a kid) which makes me think those things about myself even more. Physically I feel sick, I can't hold eye contact with anyone because it feels incredibly awkward and uncomfortable to me. For some reason, talking on the phone with people I don't know is also scary, I work at a pizza place and when the phone rings and a coworker asks me to get it I freeze and flip out inside because I worry I won't be able to understand what they say. Sometimes I have trouble hearing what people say the first time and I ask them to repeat themselves, which is also something I'm insecure about because people have called me slow and stupid over it in the past. I could write a book full of insecurities about myself. My family tells me I'm pretty and I am smart and talented and stuff, but I just don't believe it and kind of feel like they're obligated to say it as my family members. Sometimes I get bad anxiety attacks too, and those are HORRIBLE. I hate it, all of it. I feel like anxiety and depression (but especially anxiety) control my life completely and there's no way out. They've made me miss out on so many opportunities. All I want is to be normal; I'm insanely jealous of anyone who's confident in themselves and has no trouble socializing or just going through life in general. All of this really sucks and I wish it would get better.
 
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RoJo

New member
Joined
Jan 26, 2019
Messages
4
Location
East Texas
#5
Hey I completely empathize with you. I really encourage you to seek help in anyway you can. Please do it asap, it is incredibly difficult to fix these issues on your own. With the proper help and patience you can get through this. Don't let this ruin your life anymore, do everything you can as soon as you can. If you want to talk about anything you can always pm me.
 
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George10111

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
244
#6
I'm sorry to hear that. That sounds terrible. I know how it is to not fit in. Its unfair that you have had such a hard time and nobody could emphasize with you. Believe me I feel your pain. I don't have much to say because I'm broken myself. All I can offer are my condolences. Hang in there. You've made it this far you deserve to live a wonderful life. Best of luck and wishes to you.
 
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Fallingfromthetop

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 16, 2019
Messages
91
Location
Slipperyslope
#7
Start exercise in some way, dance (high intensity) to music you like gets a lot of good hormones going. Exercising regularly will make you look good as well, it will tone your body as well as your facial features. Shadowbox or start going to some club that offers lessons in it. Practice your voice sing, rap, talk angrily, happily, loud whatever, in front of mirror or without. You can do this all at home without spending money. The key to get better and build confidence is practice. Find what you like and pursue to get better at it, that builds confidence.

If you don't hear what people say, just say you have hear difficulties and ask them to speak slowly and clearly. A little lie to help your case is simply smart.

Don't strive to be normal, strive to be you. Develop your interests. If normal people don't appreciate you, fuck em, find people that like you as you are.

Also you clean for 7 months, that is big, go girl. Take pride in that and do not ever consider going back. Even when its darkest just resists and go for a walk, put on a favorite movie or whatever.
 
ghost_girl80

ghost_girl80

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 17, 2019
Messages
47
Location
Ky, USA
#8
i know these things are easier said than done as i myself am where you are. social anxiety is debilitating & a serious issue that a lot of people just don't understand. i also worry about what others are thinking or saying about me & have trouble with what people say sometimes. i cannot even hold down a job right now because of my social anxiety & i too am jealous of others who can just socialize & go through life with friends & all that. i don't really know what to say other than be yourself & the right people will eventually come along...

i hope that for myself as well, good luck & keep on keepin on! :)