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My sisters depression is affecting me really badly

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TravisBickle

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Joined
Aug 3, 2021
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3
Location
Manchester
My sisters depression has been really lately. She's been struggling for years but the lockdown, problems with other family members and bad relationships have made things worse. She no longer see's the point in anything, she doesn't think theres any hope for her and that everyone is shitty.

Through out this I have tried to be her support. I've listened to her, helped her wherever I can but theres only so much I can do and it's getting really hard to keep telling her that things are gonna get better. My mum has also been doing what she can but my sister has issues with my mum and tends to blame her for not raising her right. Mum usually gets defensive over this. She isn't able to handle my sister rage and usually ends up having a panic attack.

My sister has been trying to get help through the NHS but it has been so hard to get any help she only recently had a therapy session and they told they think psychotherapy would be better so she has to wait even longer.

It's gotten to a point now where feel like i'm going crazy. I don't know what to say to her or to comfort her. I've been having panic attacks due this and other family trauma. I've seen my GP about it and I'm in talking therapy but don't know if its helping. I feel awful, I'm worried all the time that my sister will kill herself, I'm worried my might have a heart attack, I'm worried that this will prevent me from living my own life and can't speak to either of them anymore cause don't want to trigger either of them and make them feel guilty or ashamed but feel like theres this tension in the house at the moment and its really hard to live in. I've thought about moving out but I'm scared of what will happen if I leave my mum and my sister. I feel trapped but I know this isn't what they want for me. I know my sister can't help but feel this way. She tries so hard to just carrie but the boredom and uncertainty of life has become too much to bare. Everyone keeps telling me that I'm doing the best I can and she needs to work this out herself and that need to take care for myself but it feels really hard to do that. Sometimes i feel guilty because I was happy on that day and my sister wasn't and I feel ashamed and useless. And she doesn't want this for me she wants me to be happy but I can't help but feel bad.

I think I advise or something. I feel like I'm tearing myself apart and I need someone to tell me what to do or a way out. I don't if anyone can do that but i need something.

sorry if this is long and rambly
 
LoqLamp

LoqLamp

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Jul 26, 2021
Messages
328
Location
UK
This is probably gonna sound annoying but you really do need need to put yourself first. It’s not fair to let yourself be dragged down by others issues. You can’t help if it’s having such an effect on you. Please seek some help and put your own well-being ahead.
 
M

Mistral

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Joined
Apr 28, 2011
Messages
688
People with depression need a lot of care. Friends and relatives who want to help them will in effect have to become carers. That might mean anything from taking time off from your own work, financial help for things like therapy or just basic living expenses, or help with accommodation etc. To friends and relatives that might seem a lopsided relationship and unfair. thus as has been said, you need to be in a good place yourself to provide help.
 
mirrormaker

mirrormaker

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Jul 18, 2021
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Location
Spain
Hello darling. I am a person that has depression too, as many others here.
And i have to say that when i was or i'm in my lowest moments i desperately need love and attention. And i rely on my parents for support because they are full of love and patience, but they are humans like you and i know damn well that they find it really difficult to have to support a depressive person.

A depressed person like me, like your sister, has no strength to deal with life alone. She needs you. I wonder if it is posible for you to find strength in other aspects of life at the same time you are there for your sister.

Maybe you can suggest your sister to vent her frustrations in this forum. It is what i do because i know that my parents deserve to be happy the same way you and your sister deserve to be happy, so i give them space by writing about my problems here. And helping other people is also therapeutic. She could also try that by writing her experiences in this forum.

I wish the best for you and your family
 
Bod

Bod

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Jul 19, 2021
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Planet POSITIVE
Hi, I'm sorry you are going through all of this and your sister too to help you need to pull back and get the help you need as you might not be able to do it all for your sister. You have to look after number 1 and that is YOU, it sounds like your sister really does need help and she should try to talk to her GP about it too, as how you are doing it all is putting far to much pressure on your self.
 
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SmallStepsToSelfcare

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Jul 30, 2021
Messages
68
Location
UK
Please don’t ever apologise. This is what the forum is for.
are there any local organisations that could provide therapy earlier for your sister? Often there are funded sessions dealing with specific issues.
I will echo what has been said about self-care and I know how hard that can be. Getting the right therapy for yourself is important too. If you don’t feel that this particular talking therapy is working, there are more available. Being on here helps me greatly. As someone else has said, it would be good for your sister to post ifshe would like
 
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TravisBickle

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Joined
Aug 3, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Manchester
Thanks guys. I really am trying to take care of myself, I know I can't magic a way of making things better. I'm trying to take a step back and just support my mum and sister by doing little things. It's just hard to shake this pressure I'm feeling. I feel like I'm the one who has to sort things because I'm the only one she's not angry at. My mum tries her best but their relationship is slightly strained as my sister blames mum and our family for making her like this. So it's harder for mum to help, she still dose it of course but my sister tends to get angry and shouts and sometimes breaks things. Mum can't also handle this and the last thing a need his my mum having heart attack or something. So yeah thats kind of why it feels hard for me to take a step back but I do want to try to be more selfless and take care of myself. Does anyone have any tips on how I might take care of myself better? A lot of people have told me I need to look after myself but I'm not always sure how to do that. Honestly I'll take any advice I can get 🤷‍♂️
 
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TravisBickle

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Joined
Aug 3, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Manchester
As for seeing a GP it's honestly feels like its done more harm then good. My sisters GP is absolutely useless. Every time she goes she has to reexplain whats going on. My sister went recently and said that they have her notes wrong and the doctor kept calling her the wrong name. She's been referred to some mental health team and for cbt therapy but takes so long for anything to get done with them and waiting and not knowing whats going on makes it worse for my sister and she's dealt with so many different people and every new person she meets makes do the sam mental health assessment and she just doesn't want to came saying the same thing over and over. It's hard to keep asking her to go through that, for her to just end up in the same place.
 
mirrormaker

mirrormaker

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Jul 18, 2021
Messages
65
Location
Spain
Well i you dont have depression yourself you could just do the things you enjoy, like reading a book or going with friends or whatever makes you happy. A good idea may be going for a walk alone to buy some candy for you and some for your sister. You will enjoy fresh air while doing something good for your sister without having to listen about her problems during that time.
 
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