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My sister

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Gorgoose

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Joined
Feb 3, 2010
Messages
15
My sister has schizophrenia; I don't know the exact kind. She hears voices, she has delusions, she is very paranoid, suffers from anxiety, and also I think from manic depression. She also suffers from the 'disorganised side' in that she will do things like go for extended periods, without eating, or washing etc. and forget that it's normal to do these things. She has self-harmed quite severely over the years, tried to kill herself more than once, and taken a lot of drugs, which of course made her condition far worse. The consensus of medical opinion (and her case has been looked at by some quite high up experts due to a child being involved), is that she will never get better, and that she may not have long to live.
I've missed out a lot here, but it's long enough as it is. I'm not sure why I'm writing this, maybe it might help, in some small way.

I think the signs were there when she was little- even as a young child I think she used to claim to hear voices etc. But who takes that seriously coming from a kid? The signs were never recognised.

She never fit in that well at school and when she was about 13 or 14 I guess were when the real problems started. I don't know too much about this period because I'm 2 years younger and my parents were trying to 'protect me' (note to any parents- TELL children what's going on, they will know something is wrong anyway, and the fact that no one will tell you anything makes it worse). She started doing drugs and self-harming. I could hear her sometimes in her room, and I knew something was terribly wrong, but I didn't really understand or know what to do. The first time she tried to kill herself may have been when she was about 14, I don't know exactly.

No one really know what was wrong with her at this point...she did see mental health professionals, but none of them seemed any good...she changed school in year ten, to see if this would help, but it didn't. One of her mental health workers happened to casually point out to her one day that, since she was now 16 (she'd had to start the year again due to changing schools), she could just leave school if she wanted to. This sort of thing should NOT have been said to my sister, who did leave school, and never even did her GCSEs- not a good start in life.

At about 16 she got involved with an older guy, who was an alcoholic, with a string of illegitimate children across the country the care of whom he didn;t contribute to in any way. She moved to London with him, to live in a flat above a pub. I much later discovered that this actually happened because my father kicked her out. He was actually the one who prevented her from getting the help she needed; she probably should have been sent to a hospital years ago, but he didn't want it to reflect badly on him. While in London she was very unwell; she became severely underweight, may have been kept virtually a prisoner in the flat, and quite possibly drugged half the time. I think she also because pregnant and suffered a spontaneous abortion because her health was so bad. Eventually they moved back into our house. At some point this guy raped her, I think he drugged her and raped her, I don't know when exactly. He also tried to hit her, but she wasn't bad enough yet to allow that.

So she lived with us for maybe a year or so. She used to have terrible arguments with my mum; they'd both be convinced the other one hated them and never wanted to speak to them again. And to be honest at times she's be impossible to live with, the slightest thing was a personal offense. More than once I think my mum had to rush her to hospital because of a drug overdose or a suicide attempt.

Eventually she was moved into a council flat. Not in a good neighbourhood. She did a lot of drugs, most of her friends were junkies, and I think more than one dealer even used her flat to sell from (quite possibly against her will). Every so often she start something possitive- going to evening classes, a new kind of therapy, trying to give up drugs etc. But it would never come to anything.

The worst period started a few years ago. I guess she was about 22. I was at university at the time. I got a phone call from someone claiming to be her boyfriend, saying that her ex boyfriend had kidnapped her. Again, I'm not sure of the whole story with this. It maybe that her ex had kidnapped her to get her away from her new boyfriend, who as we later discovered was an extremely nasty piece of work. More likely both of them wanted to use her to get control of her flat to sell drugs/ stolen goods from. The police got involved and eventually she was found (I think she may actually have been picked up and taken to a psych ward because she was in such a bad state). My mum said that when she went to pick her up she didnlt even recognise her.

As I said, this new boyfriend turned out to be bad news. He beat her up and strangled her and hospitalised her several times. Once while he was strangling her he told her to 'say goodbye to her mum and sister'. He would leave her locked in her own flat with no food, no phone, no money, no keys. He had a history of violence, and violence against women, since he was about 12 and had spent all his life in and out of prison. He used her flat to sell drugs and stolen goods. He is very good at controlling vulnerable woman and manipulating them emotionally- he was constantly trying to turn her away from her family, especially her mother. A couple of times we tried to rescue her. Once she stayed with us for a few days, and talked, and laughed and smiled for the first time in months. She had bruises on her neck and hadn't eaten in days. She was terrified of him (I shall call him Frank, that's not his real name). Eventually we managed to persuade her to let us help. We got some friends together for protection (the police were even informed and on standby- they knew he was dangerous), and we went round to her flat (where he was, of course), and picked up some of her things, and she came to live with us.
But it only lasted a day or two. He persistently called and texted her, and then one evening, out of the blue, she suddenly accused my mum of calling the police of him (a complete lie, of course, that he made up to turn her away from us), gathered uo her things and just walked out.

Since she's been with him she drawn further and further away. Most of the time she's impossible to contact; sometimes because she doesn't want to have anything to do with us, sometimes because he won't let her. In her rational moments she knows he is bad, and is scared of him, wants to get away, but that side of her never wins.

Eventually she became pregnant, not intentionally, by him. He even attacked her while she was pregnant. She ran out on him again and was taken into hospital, I think she was sectioned at this point. While she was in hopsital, her flat got burned down, almost certainly by Frank, although she'll never admit this. It may simply have been to punish her, but likely also to destroy evidence of his criminal activities. Oddly enough, none of his belongings were in the flat at the time of the fire. At this point she was sectioned again, this time for several months, and was so bad that they would have had the right to give her an abortion against her will, had they decided it was for the best.

Sometimes during all this, Frank was sent to prison (only for a few months, and for nothing serious- petty theft of something silly- although the police know what he does, he cannot be convicted because my sister will never testify against him). She was given a new flat, in a much nicer neighbourhood, and gave birth with freinds and family around her. We all thought, finally, maybe, she will have a chance, and can start again; Frank was in prison, and even when he got out, he didn't know where her new flat was, and if anything could break the control he had over her, it would be her own baby. We helped install various security measures in her new flat, and I think she was even given one of those alarms that connects directly to the police station.

Even this did no good. She couldn't let go of the idea of being one happy family, couldn't accept that it could never be her, Frank, and the baby. She got back in contact with him. She even got him let into the mother and baby unit under a false identity. Because of his history, she was told that he could not be permitted to be involved with the baby. She refused to accept this, as usual, it was just everyone being 'out to get her'. She was told, repeatedly and in no uncertain terms, that it was him or the baby; if she continued to have him as part of her life, her son would be taken away from her and put into adoption. But she still would not accept it. This went on for over a year; at times she would say it was over between her and Frank, at times she would defend him, at times she would agree adoption was the best thing and say it was what she wanted, then the next minute she'd change her mind.
 
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Gorgoose

Member
Joined
Feb 3, 2010
Messages
15
The baby was put into foster care after only a few months, but was wasn't actually adopted until he was nearly 2 years old. Frank now lives in my sisters new flat, spends all her money, is probably doing the same things he always did. Since it was certain the baby was going to be adopted, she has barely spoken to our mother, seems to want nothing to do with her most of the time because she blames her for her son being adopted, blames her for being against Frank. We go for months at a time without any new of or from her at all. She has tried to kill herself since losing her baby; she has a new mental health carer (because her old one can't treat her now she's in a different area), who is totally useless and never visits her. Her life was only saved because her old worker and the adoption worker were concerned, went round to her flat, broke in and found her at deaths door with her wrists slit. She claims she didn't want to commit suicide, that she only did it because the voices told her to.

I've said that she has always had problems with her mother and has often turned against her, and now seems to want to have nothing to do with her. But until last summer, she had never, ever turned against me. I was often the only one of the family who had any contact with her. But now even this has changed. Last August, she began texting me, and after a few days we arranged to meet up (I was moving to Germany soon, so it would be my last chance to see her for a while). While I was on my way, she phoned me to say that Frank had turned up at her house at 5am that morning, so she would be late. I waited. She didn't turn up. I phoned her. She said she was just leaving to get the bus and would be there soon. I waited. She didn't turn up. I stayed in town for a couple more hours, trying to ring her at intervals, at first her phone just rang and rang, but then it went straight to voicemail. I haven't heard from her since.. He has finally come between me and her as well. I think I have lost her forever.
 
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diddypinks

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jun 7, 2009
Messages
1,946
hi there that is so sad! it must be hard for you here is a good site and there is a bit for family you can talk to other people who have a schizophrenic as a family member schizophrenia.com.DIDDY:)
 
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