My sister blames me for her depression and downward spirals

[cfs]

This is a little long


my sister has severe depression and has all the signs of BPD. She was getting help but stopped as soon as COVID hit. They wanted to send her to a psychologist to be re-diagnosed but COVID struck

I try to read about and educate myself about mental illness. I joined this forum to help me understand better

we have had many many arguments over the years. The last 2 years they escalated so much that in the arguments she tells me she hates me which I take very personally

this past weekend it was her sons birthday and Easter. I tried so hard not to have an argument. she says I am the only one that sends her in a severe depression - I feel I am the catalyst to her going into depression - she blames me
It seems whatever I do if I have an issue with her - it leads into an argument - than she spirals and goes into a state

it happened in Easter - I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and she was supportive for a day. We started to have an argument and her mood changed and she told me I was lying about my health She wanted proof my bp was high and it threw me. I felt How dare you accuse me of lying

well another blow out - I even sent her pictures of my pressure taken at the local pharmacy -she said I made it up
I ended sending the pics to her husband to tell him I am not lying. But he has his head is in the sand - he told me life is too short to fight - he even told me when we fight her mood changes - how does he say this putting the blame on me

she thinks I am lying she thinks the worst of me during these spirals ( lows) - I put other people before her -
what do I do - I love her - I told her she needs help but she said it will take months with Uk’s health system. I live in the USA

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

 

[Mistral]

It is quite common for adult siblings to feel that one sibling is treating the other unfairly. One adult sibling will say things that inflame the situation and then the other will respond feeling aggrieved. The problem can usually be resolved by holding back and when you do have to speak to your adult sibling and they mention a subject always causes a problem, then just listen and and not respond. It is actually easier to do than you think. Obviously there will be subjects that you both cannot avoid discussing such as inheritance and the care of elderly parents.

Make sure that you have enough friends and other non-family members around you where you can discuss every day matters to do with just living, likes and dislikes, holidays, shopping etc. and getting from day to day.

 

[Purpleplum]

Why are you trying to prove yourself (sending bp readings)? You don't need to do that. You're enabling her to act like she does by doing that. If she doesn't believe you, you need to dismiss it and walk away.

Whenever the tantrums start, walk away. Tell her you'll discuss things with her when she wants to talk rationally.

You have to stop allowing it.