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My separation anxiety is ruining me.. help??? Plz??

H

heygirlhey

Member
Joined
Apr 17, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Indiana
I have separation anxiety from my wife, point blank. We’ve been married going on 2 years now, she’s my ultimate safe person. I feel like whenever she’s around, things are okay and I’m not alone. When she leaves for work, I’m home alone for a day off, etc. I’m restless, anxious, lonely and wasting a day off on edge worrying, filled with nerves to the point I’m nauseous. It’s especially bad when I’m at work, I work long hours the days I do work (13 hours) and the entire day I am useless, from the point of pulling into park until I leave. I don’t want to be there. I spend most of the time in the bathroom crying because I just don’t want to be there and want to come home to be with her and I’m so nervous I can’t function. I end up making myself sick! It’s terrible. I can’t stand feeling like this and I know I get on her nerves, because she feels smothered with never any time alone. I don’t want to feel like this and I know she doesn’t want to feel that way either. Please give me some advice and tips on how I can manage this.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Nov 10, 2019
Messages
1,603
Location
England
Are you male or female? What age roughly? It might help us try to help you.

It is a big problem you have and i cannot think right now what to advise other than to keep writing here and we will try and help you.

Your wife really does need some time to be herself and not have to worry about you so much so you owe it to your both to tackle this. I am confident that with help, you can get out of this hole and both be much happier.

What support have you found so far?
 
H

heygirlhey

Member
Joined
Apr 17, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Indiana
Are you male or female? What age roughly? It might help us try to help you.

It is a big problem you have and i cannot think right now what to advise other than to keep writing here and we will try and help you.

Your wife really does need some time to be herself and not have to worry about you so much so you owe it to your both to tackle this. I am confident that with help, you can get out of this hole and both be much happier.

What support have you found so far?

Hi Tawny, I am female. I’m 23 and she’s 30. I truly just feel like when she’s around. No matter what life throws at us, I’m invincible. She’s my strength completely. It’s not a trust issue, I trust her with my life in hand, it’s just a comfort thing. To see her walk through the door at the end of the day even being late into the evening when she gets off work (7pm) is like a breath of fresh air because it feels like all the restlessness and anxiety just disappears. I’ve never had therapy or medication give me the kinda relief I get when I’m just spending time with her whether it’s us taking care of responsibilities, spending time with family or going to do something fun just the 2 of us which is of course my favorite. I can’t explain it other than she’s just become my safe person and my answer to seems everything. I’ve tried meditation, breathing exercises, therapy, medication...etc. I’ve seeked and tried professional help and it just doesn’t work.. talking this nonsense out is more therapeutic than any of that. On top of the anxiety from being away from her, my job is a stressful environment and being in that situation for a long time makes my anxiety worse. I just want to run away and hide like I’ve mentioned before. I spend most of my day hiding because I’m just trying to get through the day. 😞 even my own home, the place we are the majority of the time together feels like prison because she’s nowhere in sight. Her presence to me feels like some kinda magic spell that just takes my mind to a completely different feeling where I can breathe and be myself.. I understand clearly we have to work and have responsibilities.. but I can’t find a happy medium where I can feel what I feel when we’re together and it’s so stressful. I’ve even went as far as taking a recommendation to taking a familiar item of hers like a child with me to work like a jacket to wear that smells like her favorite cologne and sometimes it works to comfort me when I’m feeling nervous but other times I just want to be laid up on the couch watching a movie or playing video games together like we do. It’s when I’m happiest and my therapist told me one time to try and visualize that time when I’m at work to bring peace and it doesn’t work because I know when I open my eyes, I’m back in hell... I am open to ANYTHING here... advice.... I don’t want to push away the one thing that brings me happiness.
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

Well-known member
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Joined
Jan 2, 2012
Messages
7,480
Location
Teesside
Hi, i understand how you feel, i suffer with seperation anxiety too. I get it from my mother.
For me i have accepted that i have this anxiety and when it comes on i try and challenge it.
For me it happens when people are late or later than i anticipated. This brings on fear of death for that person. To challenge it i remind myself that this person is ok to be late and that my fear of death is unrational. Most of the time it works, if it doesnt then yes i'm bouncing off the ceiling.

From what you have written you have issues at work also? Is there any way you can manage your work load or change your workload?
CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) helped me when i was really anxious. Is this something you can look into?

Im a big believer in talking so please stick around and chat to members here, im sure more will be along with some help and support.
Hugs
Fox
 
H

heygirlhey

Member
Joined
Apr 17, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Indiana
Hi Fox,

I actually work in a mental hospital for adults. There’s no such thing as a work load or change it since I am a direct care staff. I’m basically a CNA for the mentally ill. It’s a tough environment to be in. They’re long hours and that’s what flares my separation anxiety up. I work every other weekend too and you can only imagine the intense nerves I experience during those times when she’s home, enjoying time with family etc and I’m stuck at work surrounded my coworkers I can’t trust, 30 patients who depend on me for everything and just wanting to be present and in presence of the ppl who mean the most to me. I miss a lot due to work and it breaks my heart. I’ve jumped jobs 3 times in the last year and a half trying to find something that can pay my bills and meet my work / home life better and I just can’t seem to find it. Also, I’ve tried Cbt, therapy and speaking to a professional and it just doesn’t work for me. Speaking to others who understand how I’m feeling is probably the most therapeutic thing I’ve found that works. Even tho I’ve explained this to my wife, that it’s not intentional to smother her and push her away, she still thinks it’s ridiculous and I can’t disagree with her because I think feeling this way is ridiculous but she doesn’t understand how debilitating it can be.. to others it seems childish but to those who experience it, it’s real...
 
T

timi0000

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 12, 2020
Messages
47
Location
Pittsburgh
I have separation anxiety from my wife, point blank. We’ve been married going on 2 years now, she’s my ultimate safe person. I feel like whenever she’s around, things are okay and I’m not alone. When she leaves for work, I’m home alone for a day off, etc. I’m restless, anxious, lonely and wasting a day off on edge worrying, filled with nerves to the point I’m nauseous. It’s especially bad when I’m at work, I work long hours the days I do work (13 hours) and the entire day I am useless, from the point of pulling into park until I leave. I don’t want to be there. I spend most of the time in the bathroom crying because I just don’t want to be there and want to come home to be with her and I’m so nervous I can’t function. I end up making myself sick! It’s terrible. I can’t stand feeling like this and I know I get on her nerves, because she feels smothered with never any time alone. I don’t want to feel like this and I know she doesn’t want to feel that way either. Please give me some advice and tips on how I can manage this.
Heygirlhey, I would recommend reading the book "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle and APPLYING the principles he talks about in your life. Just reading for an intellectual understanding won't make a difference. It was the very first thing that started to unlock me from my anxiety problems.

Meditating on my breath really helped too. Focusing on the sensation of my breath as it enters and leaves a nostril is what you do. I would recommend finding a teacher in your area or at least find some information on YouTube. This really helped me unlock from my anxiety too.
 
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