My self-esteem is very low!

[PeeturDCF]

Yes.

It has become chronic, especially more so after having lost my cherished support personnel. I now find it hard to even go in any shop to pay for something without getting panic type feelings and walking along busy streets is tough. I just want to get out of a shop quickly. Now many shops charge you for bagging your things and that can cause a delay. I think my social side is going out of the window forever. I don't know what brought all this on, but I better get used to the idea it may be staying. It is like this for me when I board a bus too. I am convinced all the grief that has amounted in my life has a lot to do with this.

My face goes pure red. Adrenaline rushes-a-plenty will occur and I no longer have appointed support since I chose not to take my support any more (since I got so fed up being told I won't get Joanna or Sara back and quit).

The judge wanted me to go stay with my parents after I got out of jail (see my first thread), but that house they are in is a pig pen. I never wanted to go back there, but it was in my bail terms I stay away from my supported accommodation, since the first flat is an office.

Now I have to go back to court in December for to find out the outcome. I do not have any money right now, and I get in debt by borrowing from my family. The police took my laptop away one day I was arrested in July. I had my iTunes media authorized to it. Google search as to why Apple are annoying folk by being all "restrictive" with their accounts.

So, am I screwed now? I really struggle with anxiety. My body feels all hot. It is going to present issues when it comes to being in social settings. I know a website called Meetup that arranges groups and I just find it impossible now to go out alone. So nowadays, I tend not to play pool that often with my mate. He (Frank) has been my mate since 2008 and we were in college.

 

[my-straightjacket-please]

im not good at autism but hey im here to talk to

other country's support is hard and hard to find

socially picture a place that calms you makes you happy

it wont happen over night but focus on that tune out around you see it hear it be aware of whats around you its hard to describe

i use to want to beat the hell out of all the lousy parents and kids and panic all the fun stuff in stores

but with meds counseling and number one i drown it out i know whats there hear it interact but im not bothered i think of somewhere else

also try carrying a mp3 with easy music on it low doesn't have to be high just enough to distract you

the law the problems of life we can only do so much there is a part we cant do or change so many assholes in my life love the word excuses

i cant manage or have money i go apeshit happy and nothing gets paid over 20 years of being yelled at etc i turned it over to my wife she takes care of it and controls my spending

so many people dont know or care every disorder has things we cant control and often need never stopping intervention for

thats the hardest for us to admit to me im stubborn i dont know quit or slow down with pain problems the wife has to take the reigns and say enough its hard to let a person control as much as she does and still hurts and upsets me but i know it has to be done

i had my city swat team tell me it was counseling and med time or get locked in nut ward

my street was closed 30 plus cops shields the works what im innocent just pure adrenaline thats always on very high i hurt people trying to be gental wife wont play fight with me i wanted to fuck with them but i behaved lmao

hey talk anytime email pm or others here often we have to have these forums become our support system when life fails us

good luck

 

[PeeturDCF]

It sucks to know they jailed me and are never coming back. I think my life has been wrecked. If two women can do all that, it is scary. And they betrayed me. I now feel like seeking revenge. My beloved key worker gobbed on our association.

 

[my-straightjacket-please]

revenge brings nothing and gets nothing

Have we not come to such an impasse in the modern world that we must love our enemies - or else? The chain reaction of evil - hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars - must be broken, or else we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
Buddha

While seeking revenge, dig two graves - one for yourself.
Douglas Horton

For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding.
Mahatma Gandhi


read those closely see the hidden meaning

my exwife cheated on me two men

then had her boyfriend beat me with a steel rod while 4 others watched because she told them my fighting skills

my body id badly fucked from that and other stuff

i got the papers and court dates i had witnesses i could have nailed her hard with adultry

but i just sat at home and did nothing

if you believe in god or not life sorts itself out

she has payed so much it hurts my feelings hermit hated at work only goes to her moms or relatives

she was destroyed by whatever power you believe in and me im 12 years of happy marriage

i think i would not found my wife if she had not done that to me or i had taken revenge

its never that day or week it was over a year or more of her life falling apart more than i could have asked for

me i believe in God and holy shit i guess she really pissed the big man off

we always think revenge is closure that its calm peace of mind or release but it never is and starts to destroy the good in us

the worst you cant do is be happy look happy you know kiss your enemy saying

i have done that on forums till they ban me aww you know i still love you that kind of crap hey im a smartass i cant be serious to long or it hurts lol

good luck keep talking it out venting and talking to others and other with smiler problems does amazing things if we open up and listen

im 40 women are games for most of our life and women lie if they say were not a game to them

who can fool and hurt who the most who can leave without being attached and destroy the other

but there is true people true love we just have to keep searching and putting up with games

so many religions ban living together well living together you see the real person not dating games step out to fart scratch my balls after living together the false person is gone and the real shows and we know if we can live with that real person its a hard area to talk or describe without offending or being taken wrong

take care

 

[PeeturDCF]

It's a joke, though. I only wanted them for support. I wanted to get a cat with Joanna, go cycling with Sara and still play snooker matches with Robert. Well, to hell with all of that. It will never happen. Oh, no no no!

 

[my-straightjacket-please]

cant help you there

im hated net and life lost 4 friends in a month they were playing games and using me

i have some dam learning disorder my counselor says no forums or emails

one im a smart ass two i write then its read back and its i didnt say or mean it that way

i started a war with wife's fam trying to do something nice

sometimes i hate life i cant communicate and everyone holds it against me instead of asking what or confronting me hey i got the balls to confront

i dont hid i dont lie i say it i mean it i talk because i want to

so social i fail there im hated worse than most anyone on this fucking planet

all because severe communication and learning impairments

so funny even lying back stabbin so called disorder sites dont accept me or have the balls to confront me

so hey wish you the best if i dont piss you off feel free to keep talkin to me

 

[PeeturDCF]

I miss them and yet they could not give a damn. People I message on Facebook never reply either. It bugs me in a major way.

 

[my-straightjacket-please]

Who knows what true loneliness is - not the conventional word but the naked terror? To the lonely themselves it wears a mask. The most miserable outcast hugs some memory or some illusion.
Joseph Conrad

i try not to miss anything or person i turn off the need for contact as much as i can they want to hate me fuck them all hell not on here much why nobody knows gives a shit or likes my help

people are evil and monsters and its only coming out more and more every day every new piece of shit technology way of tearing another apart

all i hear on my scanner is saw accident saw this or that no one gives a shit and helps or loves each other anymore drive by fuck if your dying i called it in hope that helps you

fuck life and people i refuse to be drug to there level or always beg for atten and friendship

i will always offer my life so another may live always have always will stop to help i was hit by a drunk helping a broke down car dont matter im not stopping i may hate life and people but i will always have humanity and help others try to find that you fucking wont they sit and watch while you bleed emotions or real blood and allot like to poke and tear you while your down

"You've got to give something back. You can't just sit there."
-- Prince Harry

"Sometimes you just have to look back at your past and smile about how far you've come."
-- Author Unknown

"It is by acts and not by ideas that people live."
-- Harry Emerson Fosdick

"Keep in mind that the true measure of an individual is how he treats a person who can do him absolutely no good."
-- Ann Landers

It's funny how the people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
and yet its the ones who know everything about you that say nothing at all..
--unknown

"Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and make bad decisions."
-- Bill Murray

“I know all about insanity. It's not that bad once you beat up everyone who teases you about it.”
― Eve Langlais

 

[Jonwal]

It sucks to know they jailed me and are never coming back. I think my life has been wrecked. If two women can do all that, it is scary. And they betrayed me. I now feel like seeking revenge. My beloved key worker gobbed on our association.

I fucking hate women it's fucking shit

 

[PeeturDCF]

So, do you think I will get a fine next month in court? If so, I could lose around one hundred quid, and all due to shit they helped to cause.

That agency - I think they are full of shit, because they WERE lying about my key worker and also getting the cops to arrest me to stop me visiting my former key worker one time. But I don't think it'll be able to go back to the way it were in the past.