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My Relationship With Girlfriend Who Has Schizophrenia Condition (February 26, 2015)

supportivefriend2014

supportivefriend2014

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Iqaluit, NU. CANADA.
My Relationship With Girlfriend Who Has Schizophrenia Condition (February 26, 2015)

Hello, my name is M. I am from Iqaluit, NU. I once resided at Qikiqtarjuaq, NU, from 2000 to 2008. I also tried living to other communities, Rankin Inlet, NU, and Arviat, NU, sometime in 2010 and 2011 but both didn't work out after a week or two the most. Anyways, I thought I write about my on/off relationship with my girlfriend, N. She has been going through such hardships from childhood to right up to this day. She also has a schizophrenia condition, too, which makes her life much more difficult.

When I first met N the first time, she seemed like just another woman. She wasn't local and she just arrived to Iqaluit from her hometown, Hall Beach, NU, the previous month. It was sometime in October 2013 when we both first met, that was when I was working at one of the local hotels as housekeeping. She was just hired at the hotel and the supervisor there introduced her to the staff. I admit I was flattered to meet her because she was from another community and, being a guy, I liked her full-figured body with an attractive face. Her smile was so flattering and she seemed very nice. After that, we went about our day with housekeeping.

As the weeks went by, we would run into each other throughout the day while working. Before we know it, we started spending our coffee breaks and cigarette breaks together. After about a month, we ended up working together at the same floor where I was assigned on the 4th floor. We started to spend more time together as workmates and developing our friendship. There was nothing to be wrong with her, except that I do remember noticing the way she walked, slow and awkward in some way. I also noticed that she wasn't wearing any winter clothing at all whenever she left the hotel, as she was wearing only shoes and a jacket good enough for fall season. It was in November and I didn't really pay attention to it, until I learned about herself sometime later on.

As we both started to get to know each other, she would mostly talk about her family back from her hometown while I did my best to talk about myself and everyday lives. She would talk about her relatives with such happiness, and the beaming coming from her eyes and her beautiful smile, I found her to be a caring mother, as she told me of one of her sons who happens to live here in Iqaluit, too, besides her family and the rest of her kids back from Hall Beach. I found myself getting attracted to her and I noticed that she was getting attracted to me, too.

It was sometime in November, after about a month after we both first met, she asked me whether she can go have lunch with me. I didn't expect that because it came out of nowhere. Well, we were both working at the same floor, so that must've help. I was flattered and I answered her yes. We both went to my place and it was just having lunch together and nothing more. The next couple of weeks we would spend our lunch and also supper after work at my place. I was being kind and welcoming to her, and it was just to enjoy each others company.

One evening after work, while both of us were at my place, we ended up on the bed. It was a consensual moment, as we both knew each other through work and getting comfortable with each other outside of work, too. We were aware of what is natural of our wants, and we both felt attracted to each other. It was a beautiful moment is all I can say. She started sleeping over at my place the same week and we both went ahead with a relationship together. It was a new and exciting moment for both of us, and we were both happy. That was like about a month and a half after we first both got introduced to each other and it was sometime in late November.

The next couple of weeks, as we started our newfound relationship, we both had the time of our lives. Since we work together at the same floor at the hotel, we had the most fun while working together. It wasn't easy trying to hide our little thing, and before we know it, some of the staff noticed, including our supervisor, too. We both couldn't hide our newfound happiness, so we decided to tell our supervisor and to the rest of the staff. There are policies of couples not allowed to work together, and our supervisor didn't find it to be wrong, so she kept us working together, as long as there would be no conflicts while working together. That was a relief. Besides, as the days went by, our supervisor started teasing both of us. I never realized how much my new gf changed me so quickly! Before I met her, I was somewhat getting problematic to work with, as I was working alone on my floor while the rest of the floors had two housekeepers each. I was getting the job done working alone, but I was getting stressed out, too, so I was getting to be a headache to my supervisor because from time to time we both would end up arguing at my floor. When my gf started working with me, she made a big difference. Working and being together, I felt better about myself and those made my life easier both at work and at home, too. My supervisor noticed the changes in me and I didn't know that. How great it was to have an understanding supervisor and both me and my gf were very grateful.

It was sometime in early December 2013, when something happened and that would test our newfound relationship. The incident actually made our relationship stronger after it happened. It had to do with her son who lives here in Iqaluit. She didn't tell me much about him and the rest of her kids back in Hall Beach except during couple of months back when we started to get to know each other. She also told me, as I recalled in the beginning of our friendship, that she was staying at her sons before she moved in with me. Our miscommunications and misunderstandings to one another concerning her son, would end our new relationship. It also has to do with her not telling me everything about her kids with different fathers! Her son has a different surname, a last name, than my gfs.

One evening, I noticed she was scribbling notes and words like love and sweet nothings on pieces of paper but only to throw them away, not to the trash bin, but flushing them away to the toilet. She was making wrist bands out of beads, and she never told me all her kids from different fathers and with different last names. As I respect her privacy, she never really talked about her kids and I completely forgot most of their names. That led to our confusion that night towards one another and with bad results. As we were both about to go to sleep, I couldn't get those notes off my mind and I ended up not getting sleep because of those notes. After about an hour or two later while she was asleep, I woke her up and I asked her why she was throwing away those 'love notes' which I mistaken them for, when actually it has to do with her love and sweet nothings to her kids for the wristbands she was making. She didn't answer me fully or telling me to change the subject. I just couldn't get my mind off from the notes I saw earlier in the evening. I thought she was scribbling notes for someone. I thought she was writing those sweet nothings to the other guy which was actually for her son for the wristbands she was making. He has a different last name because my gf have had two men fathering her children! And she never told me that! And that's just part of the story that led to our uneventful night.

During the same week just before the uneventful night, her son ended up going to jail. He was sentenced to BCC to serve time. She didn't tell me that! I do remember that she was feeling down during that time, not talking to me much and staying busy with her beadings making wristbands. I do recall she made a few phone calls to her relatives back from her hometown and she started crying. She finally told me after she made the phone calls about her son why he had to serve time at the BCC. He physically abused his gf and telling me that she had to leave their apartment with hardly any clothing, with a newborn baby who has just arrived to the world several weeks back! I can't imagine a father doing that to his gf and especially with a newborn baby. And it was in December with temperatures in the minus 30s. Thank goodness nothing more serious happened after she fled the apartment along with her other two children. It turned out that he was intoxicated when he abused his gf and that led to his time to the BCC. I cannot imagine of what's it like to be a mother having to learn that her son is in jail, then serving time at BCC, and could've end up worse if his gf didn't fled their apartment. I was at loss of words, all I could was comfort my gf after she told me that. I didn't know that she was making the wristbands for her son and also to his gf, along others for the rest of her kids back from her hometown. She was making plans to visit her son and give him the wristband she made for him. She also made plans to go to the Boarding Home and give the other wristbands to people whom she knows who were staying there and passed them to her children and/or relatives once they fly back to Hall Beach. And I didn't know that because she didn't tell me those.

Back to the uneventful night, as I confronted her about those notes which I have mistaken them as 'love notes', I lost my temper! I had a good reason to know and getting jealous in a natural way (but for the wrong reason). I started yelling at her to a point that she decided to leave my place after I disrupted her sleep. Once I realized of what I was doing to her while she was trying to leave my place, I felt bad. I started apologizing to her and begging her to stay and forget about my temper. She didn't saying anything and she was quiet without replying to my pleas. She wasn't looking at me and no matter how much I tried stopping her to leave, she left after I gave up. I admit that I was using force trying to stop her from leaving my place but I didn't hit her nor use any violence. After she was gone, I felt stupid and I said to myself how crazy of me! Our miscommunications and misunderstandings led to our confusion that week, combined with her son ending up at BCC, she not telling me her kids with different fathers and different last names, the notes that was for the wristbands she was making for her son, me getting jealous (again, for the wrong reason), that ruined our night. I ended staying up all night as I couldn't get any sleep from the incident.

The next five days, she never called me and she never showed up for work, too. I was getting worried and just when I felt like calling the RCMP for her well-being, my supervisor at work told me that my gf was in Hall Beach! She called to our supervisor from Hall Beach, both me and my supervisor were caught off-guard. I blamed myself from the incident and I felt it was also my gf's fault, too. To my surprise, my supervisor starting telling me throughout the next few days to get my gf back because she is a very fine worker. The hotel was short staffed and/or with unreliable housekeepers almost on a daily basis, and the hotel's manager even insisted to get her back, too. I felt bad and there was nothing I could do to get my gf back because she isn't listed on the phonebook and I don't know anyone from her hometown. I was now on my own and alone, and I felt like the biggest jerk!

When my gf left my place after our uneventful incident, she left her belongings. Since she wasn't in town anymore, I decided to gather them and send them to her hometown through one of the local airline's cargo. I thought I would at least benefit that I care for her. While I was collecting her stuff and packing her belongings, I came upon a few notes that she scribbled for her beadings she was making for her son and to her kids. Besides the notes, there were also the completed wristbands and others still not done. I was curious of one of her son's different last name that led to our confusion and misunderstanding from the week before. I thought that she was seeing another man behind my back. For some reason, I may as well go and visit him at the BCC where he was spending his time for the next couple of months. I wanted to find out whether if that was really her son and to get the facts straight. Before I could send her belongings, I made an arrangement to go and visit him. There was also another reason.

Back to the same night from the uneventful incident, my gf went to go and visit her son at the BCC earlier in the night. But her visit was cancelled because after she returned early back to my place, she was told to make another arrangement to visit her son. Something happened at the BCC and her visit was cut off. She didn't take it hard and I assured her that there's always another time to see him. Little did we both knew that same night would led to our confusion, miscommunications, and misunderstanding. Since her visit to her son was cancelled and now that she's back in Hall Beach, I decided to make it up to her by visiting him. Our first meeting was quite the least I expected, and that would eventually bring both me and my gf back together the next following week.

During the visit, I introduced myself and I told him about my relationship with his mother. As soon as I finished about myself, he started crying uncontrollably! I was caught off guard and he then told me how much he hurted not only his gf, but he also disappointed his mom, too. We both then started coming up with options to get her back to Iqaluit. He gave me phone numbers of where to get in touch with her. By the time our visit was over, he insisted that I go to his apartment and tell his gf about him because he was not allowed to be in contact with her. There was also another reason why he wanted me to go to his apartment. Since his mom was in Hall Beach while he was serving time, he felt his gf cannot manage her household alone because she wasn't working and with three kids to take care of. He wanted his mother to help his gf. I also wanted his mom back, too, because I felt so suddenly alone without her anymore. After the visit was over, I went to his apartment.

When I arrived to his apartment, I didn't know what to expect. She welcomed me and we both don't know each other. I started talking to her about her bf and I continued by talking about my relationship with her bf's mom. I remember as I was talking to her, she was cuddling her baby and nursing him, too. That brought me back the night when my gf talked about his son abusing this very girl, his gf whom I am talking to. She started crying softly and she didn't say anything. After she stopped crying, she finally introduced herself. She didn't say much, as I realized the situation she was in living alone with her bf serving time at the BCC, his mom in Hall Beach, and with three kids to look after ranging from couple of months old to 2 year old to 5 year old. Her oldest, I noticed, had birth defects on his face and on the mouth, too, on his lips. The middle child, I found her to be very energetic and lively, and the youngest, her second son, almost a month old. I was at loss of words for a moment then I mentioned about how to get my gf back. She was grateful that somehow, I will get her bf's mom back to Iqaluit and to help her manage the household with three of her kids to take care of. After the visit was over, I felt confidence within myself after meeting both my gf's son and his gf, and getting the facts straight concerning from the uneventful night from the week before. I now felt better and it was just a matter of time to get my gf back to Iqaluit.

The next few days, I started making phone calls to Hall Beach the numbers he gave me. I still couldn't get in touch with her, and I was starting to feel low. Instead of bringing myself down, I decided to do something different. I went online and I joined to Hall Beach Homepage through Facebook. That way, I felt, I can ask the people from down there to contact my gf to call me. I went on to say on their Homepage that I met her son and that both me and her son wanted her back to Iqaluit. It was something I had to do, not just for myself, but also for her son and his gf, and asking her for forgiveness from that uneventful night after getting the facts straight. And it worked. She gotten the message and she ended up calling me. The first few calls, I was at work, so I didn't take her calls. Then she left a message that she will call me on a specific time during lunch hour, when I am usually free while having my lunch break, and she did. I felt like the greatest guy on earth when I finally heard her voice through the phone. Our first few phone calls was mostly about that uneventful night and telling her I was able to get the facts straight about her son, and I also told her that the hotel management misses her, too. Throughout the next few days through phone calls, I asked her if she wanted to come back to Iqaluit. She answered yes. I was ecstatic with happiness!

It was exactly 2 weeks later after the uneventful incident when she returned back to Iqaluit. She called me late at night just before midnight and told me that she arrived back after 7pm and she had to go to the hospital as a patient. She didn't tell me why nor for what reason she had to be at the hospital, so, I accepted it. As long as she's back in town, that's all that matters, I figure, no big deal. She had something that she never told me about herself before and, as she would later tell me in the following days, she has an illness that I was not aware of. This was sometime on the third week of December during the Christmas week.

The next day, on the weekend on a Saturday while I was working, she dropped by to the hotel during the day to see me. I didn't expect her and it was with surprise just before I was going down to the main floor through the elevator , she was inside the elevator. When the elevator door opened, there she was. I was ecstatic with happiness! We both immediately hugged each other after she went off the elevator. I started kuniking her, our traditional way of kissing, and I hugged her more. She was also happy to see me again. She was only dropping by and not returning to work. She told me that she couldn't stay long at the hotel, as she has to go to her sons apartment. She also had to pick-up her prescription medication from one of the Pharmicies, too. Just before she left, she assured me that she will call me later and make arrangements to meet together.

It wasn't until the next couple of days, on Monday or on Tuesday, that we finally both got together again. She was very protective of herself. She was allowed to leave the hospital during the day but she also has to be back there by late afternoon. So, every time after I finished my shifts from working, I would and go visit her at the hospital. Seeing her with an IV on her wrist somewhat caught me off guard the first time when I went to visit her. She still wouldn't tell me why she's at the hospital for, and I was just accepting her way dealing her situation to get better. All what matter was just me being there for her during visiting hours. I gave her undivided attention and love and we both enjoyed each others company. The next several days or so, just before Christmas Day and after the Boxing Day, I would go and visit her every time I was off work. She was released from the hospital between the Boxing Day and the New Year. How wonderful it was to be together again.

It was during the Christmas Break when she finally told me about her illness. While we were both walking towards downtown to the NorthMart, she finally told me that she has a schizophrenia condition. I didn't take it hard and I told her that no matter what, I'll support her as much as possible. As I recalled from gathering her belongings from and after the uneventful incident, I remember noticing her medication for her illness. I even Googled her meds what they were for and I remember it has to do with schizophrenia patients. She had the illness and she never told me, and I never been with people with the condition. I later learned why she was somewhat different, not just because of her illness, but also because of her past when she would open up about herself in the next following weeks.

It's now January 2014 and we're back together, her son is serving time at BCC, and she spliited her time at her son's apartment helping her son's gf and with me whenever she could. She was hired back as housekeeper, but not with me this time. She was now working at another hotel not too far from the hotel I was working for. Both the Hotel A and C are owned by the same company, and both hotels are close to one another. Also, N..... Inn is owned by the same company. After the uneventful incident from the month before, our supervisor decided to split us not to work together anymore. It was understandable. What really matters was that we're back together and we moved on.

When she started opening up more about herself, I took it hard because she was telling me about her abusive ex-bfs using and abusing her. If it wasn't about them, then it was her sad upbringing growing up in Hall Beach. Her innocence was taken away during her early teen years, and from there she was abused both physically and sexually. She would tell me those comfortably and with ease, as if it were just a regular conversation. She continued and then talking about her family members abusing her, too, both physically and sexually. Then it would turn to incest and bestiality, besides herself, telling me about people does or doing back in her hometown. As if all those were not enough, she also would tell me of her friends back from her hometown whom she knows using her to feed their drug and drinking habits by selling her body! The details she was telling me was appalling and disgusting! And she even jokingly told me a few times about her experiences as if they're no big deal, when they are not! I went along with it towards her, but inside me, I was shocked and in disbelief. More than a few times, she also wanted to give me something more than just a "f--k", by jokingly telling me that she could give me blowjobs or something different! I answered her no. I realized how broken she was, both in everyday living and the values we normal people live by.

Despite her ways, I decided to stick with her and give her support she needs because of her schizophrenia condition. She doesn't seem to have the normal values we live by, nor she doesn't understand the everyday living we ordinary people live on a daily basis. She is damaged, broken, and combined with her mental illness, she needs a lot of support and the help she needs. Instead of focusing on her negatives, I went along with her but in a positive way instead. Whenever she would start to talk about her past or her experiences, I would respectfully tell her to talk something different. At first, it was hard for her and she didn't know what to talk about. But as the days went by, she would talk about her day at work and her visits to her son (who was serving time at the BCC), and her days/nights helping her son's girlfriend at his apartment. When she would talk about her past or her ways of living, I'd still be there for her by listening to her. It was just a matter of understanding for each other for what's right and what's wrong, and she went along with it slowly. She never have a normal relationship with a normal person, like myself, which I do not abuse or hurt anyone. She was not used to being loved the normal or the right way, which she never had because all her exes were abusing and using her. I was something different to her, and she was different to me, too. It was just a matter of understanding each other in a respectful manner.

As the weeks went by and her birthday was drawing near, which is in February, I decided to get her something. I am not really into birthdays because I had a rough upbringing and I never really had anything while growing up, either, during Christmas, too. Instead of getting her something exactly on her birthday, I went to the Flowers Gift Shop the week before her birthday, and I purchased both for me and her rings. Nothing really special, it was to show her my commitment to her. She accepted her ring and she was happy. She told me that she never felt love the way I showed her, and she also was never given anything at all, too, throughout her life. This was all still new to her, and she had to remind me several times before that she will have to get used to my attention and love to her, as she never have those before, too.

When she started living with me, we slept on the same bed the first time. But after she came back to Iqaluit after the uneventful incident, she started sleeping on the couch. She would later tell me that she never really slept on the same bed with her exes because they were abusing and using her and making her life miserable. After she started taking her meds for her schizophrenia condition, the side effects was making her life difficult. She was not allowed to drink liquids after 6pm, otherwise if she did, she would unknowingly wet the bed while she was sleeping. And that was happening from time to time, yet, I never blamed her nor I had nothing against her because I'd clean the bed or the couch without complaints. I was patient with her, and she gave me love, too, both more than the usual. Because of her broken past, her ways, and her illness, I felt empathy for her, you know, I felt so sorry for her. She gave me patience and love, which I never had. Somehow, despite our differences, we still manage our relationship together, which would be hard enough for the general population to understand and to live with, too.

On her birthday in February, both me and my gf were told by our supervisors to have lunch together at the hotel where she was working. As I mentioned earlier, we're not working together anymore and we're working seperately at different hotels. It turned out to be a birthday surprise for her, and only the selective few staff were invited for the surprise lunch for her. She had a wonderful time and she was escatic with happiness, not just for her birthday, also because she was with me and with grateful and understanding staff. She never really experienced everything in her life, and she was glad that I, including our supervisors, made her day special. This was all still new to her. After our day was over, while we were both at home, she called her family relatives back in her hometown how glad her day was.

The next following week or so, things started to get downhill. Her illness and her meds was affecting her, the everyday living and the normalness we live by was getting into her, and I completely forgot her schizophrenia condition. For some reason, I didn't see her with an mental illness because I was so focused hoping for her to change. I was trying too hard, and combined with the illness, her meds, everything was getting overwhelming for her to handle. It was just a matter of time when things would get out of control, and it happened. During one lunch break, after I went to pick her up, which we would walk together daily to our place from her workplace, she started crying. I stopped and asked her why she was crying. She didn't answer me and I told her once we go home, she can take the afternoon off, if she's not feeling well. She stopped me the next time and she started saying something like, I don't care. Then she would tell me that she doesn't love me. I was caught off-guard, and that was when while we were both walking together outside. Once we both got home, she repeated the same words. I suddenly felt numb and I didn't say anything to her anymore. She left my place as soon after she enter, and I was dumbfounded and I was at loss of words.

The next couple of weeks was of confusion. She went back to live at her sons apartment, she stopped showing up to her workplace, either late or not showing up at all, and she never called me nor accepting my phone calls whenever I called her. Every other day or so, she'd dropped by to my place without telling me and she'd left as soon as she enters. I was confused and I didn't know what to do with her. Every time she dropped by, I stopped saying anything to her, too. Every other day during lunch break or after work, I'd drop by to see her at the other hotel but she was ignoring me. Both my supervisors and the staff was wondering what was going on and I couldn't answer them. I forgot her illness and I forgot that she never had a normal life, and combined with her meds (which she stopped taking them), she couldn't take the daily routine lives we live by and she lost it. Without my knowledge, I would later learn that she had a relapse because she told me a few times before that she went down south for Detox for her drinking and drug habits in the past (back in 2011).

One morning, just when I wanted to forget her and move on being single again, she dropped by to my place and we were back together. We didn't bring up the confusion that happened the past couple of weeks prior. I remember that she was somewhat different than the usual herself. I forgot her schizophrenia condition and she stopped taking her medications for her illness, and the effects and the symptoms was already affecting her. She was starting to talk in a monotone way, as if as she was a female voice that are found in computers or with today's gadgets. Eventually, in the next few days or so, she went back taking her medications.

Ever since from late February 2014 to as of now exactly a year later, February 2015, she had relapses and she stopped taking her medications from time to time. She was wetting the bed unknowingly while we were both asleep from the side effects from her meds and not allowed to drink any liquids after 6pm. I never complained and I would clean up the mess. I never have anything against her and I treated her with utmost respect and with unconditional love towards her. Even when she kept telling me that she's never used to sleeping with a man on the same bed, I still love her. We would sleep seperately and I got used to that. She lost her innoncence while she was in her teens and since then on right up to this day, she never trusted a man to this day sleeping on the same bed with her.

When I lost my job within the hotels sometime last year in middle of March 2014, she left me again. But she didn't leave town and she managed to stay in town. She stopped taking her medications and she went back to her weed habit. She then stopped showing up to work, even before I lost my job while I still had accommodation for both me and her, she just wanted to sleep in all day even after a full night's sleep. Even while she was on her meds, she started showing symptoms from her illness, the monotone talk, expressionless face, hand gestures, covering herself in blankets, and isolating herself from me and to everyone. While both me and her were homeless, she managed to find an apartment for both of us to housesit while the tenant was out of town. But it didn't go well because she invited her ex-husband, who was homeless, too, to sleepover without my knowledge. We were sleeping seperately (she never sleeps on the same bed with men), she was sleeping on the couch in the living room, I slept one of the two rooms, and she let her ex sleep in the other room! When I learned that come one morning after waking up before they both woked up, I confronted both of them and after that, I left the apartment and I went back to the Men's Shelter. While I was asleep and without my knowledge, she was inviting her ex. Since I was working during the day at NorthMart, she must've let her ex stay at the apartment during the day, too. I stopped having in contact with her and she left town sometime in May 2014.

Before she found an apartment for us to housesit, we stayed at one of her relatives for about half a week whom they happen to live here in Iqaluit. She was off her meds and she wasn't herself. One particular evening, sometime in April 2014, N just started cleaning up the place without asking permission and her relative didn't mind. As she was off her meds, her condition was like as if as she was out of it, in some ways. While she was cleaning the living room area, she accidently broken some of the pictures that were hanging on the walls. And yet, her relative didn't say anything, probably because she knows her more than me. I was somewhat caught off-guard but I accepted it. As I remember when we started having a relationship together and when N started living with me, she also cleaned my room without asking me, too. And whenever she stayed at the A.... Facility, she would tell me that she cleaned the place up there, too, without pay and because she just felt like doing it. For some reason, probably because from her schizophrenia condition, she just do it involuntarily. That's just my conclusion because N would just start cleaning up without asking for permission first, either she was with me and also back at her hometown, too, because she would tell me that she clean up her friends and family/relatives homes without asking them, she just felt like doing it.

When she stopped taking her medications, I could only watch her suffer and let it pass. It was hard on me and it still does affect me to this day. Everything I read about schizophrenia on Internet, I saw it from my own eyes through her. She would stare at me in an blank state, her talking in monotone ways (which was very unsettling to me), her replies several hours later from our conversations, she stopped looking after herself hygeinely, tired and sleepy all day long and covering herself in blankets while watching TV or while on bed or couch. It turned out she was seeing things and hearing things we don't hear, and she was finally able to tell me about those just last week after she came back to Iqaluit, on the 15th of February, with one of her daughters as escort while telling the doctor at the hospital. I was at the hospital with both of them for 6 hours from 8pm to 2am. She also told me that she didn't get any sleep for two or three nights just before she came back.

When we first got involved together and when she started living with me, she would talk about her past and being abused both physically and sexually. That's when she told me she lost her innocence while in her teens by sexually violated. She then would talk about family incest and bestiality, and what people do back in her hometown. And others like suicides and raping and other what-nots, with ease and as if in a regular conversation. I was, yeah okay, to her when she talked to me like that, but inside me, I was disgusted and appalled, too. She even described every little detail of what her boyfriends did to her, using her, abusing her, selling her, and what they'd do to her in bed, too. She even mentioned having multiple sex partners on the same bed, threesomes and with multiple couples under the same room! Back in November 2014, while she was in Hall Beach and just before she returned back here to Iqaluit, she even told me through phone just getting by or to survive by giving sexual services orally by giving blowjobs to men. After she came back to Iqaluit, she also told me that she's glad she left her hometown because she was tired of being used and abused by one of her boyfriends. I forgiven her every time whatever she did back in her hometown when I was not around.

Throughout her life, it's been nothing but sadness and abusive relationships with her boyfriends. She doesn't know everyday living, she doesn't know normal life, and she cannot look after herself. She has been taken advantaged of all throughout her life. While she was working at the hotels here in Iqaluit, she'd give all her pays to her relatives back in her hometown and to her son who lives here in Iqaluit! She told me a few times she was just being a mother and a caring relative. She doesn't see that she is being taking advantaged of by her son and her relatives. Whenever we'd go shopping together while downtown, she would get a few things, not for her, but to her relatives back to her hometown. Only after she told me after her relatives received their stuff, I cut down giving her money and I would go to the store alone without her. She just recently told me last month that she doesn't need anything and the money I give her, she gives it all to her son or to her relatives back in her hometown. I recalled when after we first got involved together, she told me that she owes over $7,000 to GN and the stores, also probably others she will not tell me, back in her hometown. She doesn't know how to say no to her son or her relatives, and they have gotten into her into with debts back in her hometown.

Besides herself, she lives in a broken and dysfunctional family environment. Back to the uneventful night between me and her back in December 2013, she told me that she had to sleep between the main and outside door when she went to her sons after she left me the first time (and before she left town) and they didn't hear her knocking and the main door was locked. And it was in December. She didn't get any sleep and she had to endure 6 hours or more freezing herself until morning when her son finally let her into his apartment. When she told me that months after, I felt bad. Also, she told me when she returned back to Iqaluit back in August 2013, she left Hall Beach because she was tired of being used/abused by her boyfriends and when after she arrived to Iqaluit, she had no place to stay. Both the Women Centres were full and she had no place to stay. Her only option was her son, which she and him has not been doing well between them for years, and the RCMP dropped her off to his apartment. She had to endure, as I recalled when she told me, days and nights of getting yelled at and cursed by her son! It had to do with something that happened way back while he was just a boy. He and his little brother would stay out all night long and she locked her door while she was a single mother for a while. She was afraid and getting tired of men wanting to be with her or to take advantage of her. She was so tired and went to sleep unknowingly and when both her sons tried going back home, the door was locked and she didn't hear them knocking. They both ended up sleeping outside the porch. Her son never got over that for years and he let it all out for her. When she told me that, I was touched and I felt sorry for her. As of today, they're still not in good terms. He changed his phone number from public to unlisted number and he will not give the number to his mom.

From time to time, she would leave me and she would leave Iqaluit without telling me. I lost count, maybe four or five times, she did that to me throughout our 16 months relationship. I never have anything against her and whenever she asked for money while she was in Hall Beach, I send her money. She never felt loved the way I showed my love towards her, and yet, at the same time, she never really understood it because she never experienced normal love from her abusive relationships. The ring I bought for her last year, she stopped wearing it after a few weeks and never brought it up. She either threw it away or sold it without telling me. As for our intimate moments on the bed, from the beginning of our relationship and right up to the end of our relationship, she insisted I always wear protection by using a condom. I complied to her requests. Yet, I was patient and loving to her.

When she left me the last time, again without telling me, earlier in the month just before Valentine's Day, I have had it with her. Her last stay from late November 2014 to February 2015, while she was here in Iqaluit splitting her time between at A.... Facility and with me, I saw a lot of positive and good progress within her. Before that, from her previous other stays, she showed little or no progress and she would return to Hall Beach. While she was still in town and before her time was up with A..... earlier in the month, she showed no signs of relapse or negative symptoms. She was very happy and she told me a few times that she was willing to stay in town and never returning back to Hall Beach. But she stopped calling me and she stopped coming over. From experience, I knew her time was up with A..... and that she left town and she went back to Hall Beach. It wasn't until after she was in her hometown that she finally called me and I didn't answer her calls. I couldn't take it anymore whenever she left me and Iqaluit without telling me. It was after she arrived back to Iqaluit after just 5 days at Hall Beach, I answered her phone calls when she had to go to the hospital with one of her daughters as escort. I went to go and see her there and I ended up being there for her, along with her daughter, from 8pm to 2am. Usually, she would stay at Hall Beach for 2 or 3 months and return back to Iqaluit. Not this time, she returned early. I was surprised, but I was cautious because I was starting to have second thoughts with her.

While all was well and she was showing good progress before she left Iqaluit the last time, she mentioned to me that someone was willing to 'buy' her and that he'd give her money every couple of weeks. She described to me exactly in those words, and I was caught off guard. I cut down giving her money after the New Year and she felt I didn't love her anymore. I had to tell her that I have to pay bills for my unit, which I am paying up to $3,500/month altogether and after paying the bills, I am left with little change left. Just recently last week the last time she dropped by to see me, she asked for money and I gave her some, something like $40. She felt it wasn't enough and she asked me how my money always runs out quickly. She wasn't the usual herself and she appeared to haven't washed in over a week. After that, she stopped calling me altogether. When I called her the last time earlier in the week, she told me that she has a new boyfriend. It turned out that she may be right about the guy and she decided to be with him instead.

From experience with my 16 months relationship with N, she is broken and with a sad life. She doesn't seem to know the everyday living, the normalness we live within our values, and with a broken family structure. Besides her relationship with her son here in Iqaluit, her relatives back in her hometown and also some who lives here in Iqaluit, too, they all have broken and dysfunctional backgrounds. She leads an immoral lifestyle because she would openly tell me about her sexual experiences. She felt bad after telling me whenever she was in Hall Beach she had other men all the while I was patient and loving to her. She's caught between two worlds, her ways she's used to and while she was with me. And she would tell me that she wants to get rid of her ways but she cannot do it. No matter how much I was patient with her, she tried hard to change her lifestyle but she cannot do it. Because of her broken life and her immoral lifestyle, she cannot live normally. She cannot look after herself or live indepently, surviving by being with relationships with men who uses and who they abuses her, too, either both physically and sexually. She can't say no whenever her son or her relatives would tell her to get them money to them, even if she had to go great lengths by selling herself, too. She admitted to me a few times before that she's tired of her life because she feels she will never get well. Whenever she had relapses, she would go back to her weed habit and I was aware of that. I never have anything against her and I was patient with her. It's just that nobody has ever affected me the way she did to me because of her broken life and her schizophrenia illness. I did what I could by being there for her for so long, without complaints and with caring and with a loving attitude. But she never really understood my true love to her because she doesn't understand the true meaning of love.

She is a capable woman when everything goes right. She loves beading, knitting, and some sewing. She has a very good work ethic and living normally. As she was living with me and from experience, she has a wonderful personality and with a beautiful heart. She loves playing Scrabble, too, and she's so down to earth with a touch of humour. When she talks positively she will not stop and just want to talk and talk. Seeing her happy and with good spirits, she's so lovely and beautiful. She's able to love back normally, showing compassion, and with a caring attitude. Whenever we would walk together outside, going shopping together, she would show her love towards me by holding hands, kissing me in public, and showing her compassion towards me in public. Despite her illness, she can be 'normal' just like the rest of us, minus her clothing. Even though she hasn't been working for about a year, she continues to wear her hotel uniform clothing from time to time. She also wears clothing uncoventionally, almost like as if she's color blinded and/or mismatched combination of her ways. Whether or either ways, that's why I ended up falling for her, giving her total attention and with unconditional love. But she's caught between the two worlds I mentioned above, and she needs a lot of support and for her to make changes. What she gave me from our relationship was love and patient, the more than the usual. I will always cherish and love her and she will always be in my memories...

- I just wanted to share my story concerning N and maybe some little bit of background of herself because of her schizophrenia condition. From our 16 months relationship, through experience living with her, it was hard on me and even though I was used to it, although I would forget about her illness, too, and that led to our confusion back in February 2014, when she first started going downhill. Despite her illness and her background, I never had anything against her. But after she left me the last time (on the second week of February 2015) without telling me again, I finally came to my senses, especially after remembering from our phone conversation back in November 2014 while she was at Hall Beach. Besides what she was telling me during the phone conversation, she asked me whether I would still be with her while she would still be able to hang around with her 'friends' whom they use her and probably abuses her, too. She will never be normal, being so used to her ways that she feels is okay or normal when it is not. She doesn't know the normalness or the right values we the general population lives by and she cannot understand the true meaning of life, love, and happiness. Even though she was becoming a burden in both emotionally and financially, I never had a grudge on her because she affected me like no one else ever done to me...

UPDATE (March 05, 2015): N didn't call me for over a week, the longest without each other, too. She may be right that she did found a new boyfriend, probably the same guy she mentioned to me back in late January of this year who was willing to 'buy' her. When she finally was able to call me again sometime last week, I welcomed her back because I still need her in my life. I do not use or abuse her, which she is so familiar with her life, and the other reason is because I'm the only normal guy in her life who doesn't make her life difficult, which she is so used to with her abusive boyfriends she finds and/or she's with. She insisted that we stay in touch, but as friends, and not as boyfriend/girlfriend no more. I accepted it and she has been coming over to visit me and to play Scrabble together, since we both love playing Scrabble. She still asks for money from me. As long as we both respect towards each other without problems, that's what matters between me and her now. She is starting to understand, you know, me having to pay the bills for my unit and looking after myself for a change. She still have a long way and to look after herself, which she doesn't have most of her life, and that she's able to accept not having to depend on me all the time now. She only comes over to get away from her sons, her 'friends', and to get out of A... Facility for several hours or more to enjoy freedom.

Looking back throughout our relationship, I realized how damaged she is, as if she will never get well and that she will be like that for the rest of her life. She is able to show compassion, reasonings, and conscience. Back to the phone conversation with me back in November 2014 while she was at Hall Beach, she was crying uncontrollably for 15-20 minutes non-stop after telling me her wrongs what she did without me around until she just hung up. Before she hung up the phone, I kept assuring her that I've forgiven her every time no matter how bad it was and she felt guilty. But as I learned from experience living with her, she stops taking her medications thinking that they helped and she doesn't need them anymore. And then she have relapses and goes back to her weed habit, which is her weakness for most of her life. I was surprised though, that she came back to Iqaluit after spending just 5 days at Hall Beach, instead of the usual 2 / 3 months until she returns here. While she was at the hospital, along with one of her daughters as escort, I went to see her and she told me that she never wants to return back to Hall Beach no more. No wonder she arrived back quickly, and she told me that she wants to stay here in Iqaluit for good. She wants to forgot her hometown, but her son who lives here in Iqaluit, she needs to stop having contact with him altogether because he uses his mom to get what he wants, doesn't matter food or weed for him through her, even if she has to prostitute herself, too. He uses his children as bait, too, in order to get them fed through his mom because he doesn't want to work and that it's his moms responsibility to care for them. Come Food Bank, he sialaaqs his mom to get bags of groceries/food from the Soup Kitchen. He sends his mom to go pick up the goodies! And N doesn't see that she's been taken advantaged of! She's a prisoner by her own son!

Within her life, she's caught in the middle of everything. She's also lost and confused, never understanding that she is killing herself by her son and/or by her relatives from her hometown, too. And, at the same time, she's trying hard to control her schizophrenia condition. I admired her from our 16 months relationship that she tried hard to live normally while were together. She is capable and able to do things normally, but then, she loses it and the cycle returns. I still love her, but not the same love I've had when everything seemed all well for her, until last month just before Valentine's Day. It's just that nobody ever affected me the way she did to me because of her past, her broken life, and also because of her schizophrenia condition, too...

UPDATE (April 21, 2015): I recently found out sometime last week from the A... Facility (the Mental Health Facility) that N is not staying there and is discharged from staying there for the time being until they feel they can bring her back. She's supposed to take her meds on a daily basis, but I was told that she hasn't been going there and that she stopped taking her meds. No wonder the past several weeks that she appeared to haven't washed from time to time and isolating herself from everyone and including me, even while she'd sleep-over at my place. The symptoms has been affecting her, losing interests that she likes to do, and she's been sleeping up to 16 hours or more lately whenever she slept over. I haven't heard from her for the the past several days (including last week), she's either at her sons or at her aunts...

MAAKUSIMI.
 
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calypso

calypso

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Maakusimi, :welcome: to the forum. That is a huge long post and it was a marathon to read :). I think you are a lovely and gentle person, that is what comes over throughout. But I think from what you said, you can't manage a long term relationship with N as she has such a chaotic lifestyle, through no fault of her own.

Obviously, its up to you, but do you think you have moved on from her? You can't afford to keep giving her money, as you said. Gently, but carefully, you are moving on and I think that will be better for you. Its hard isn't it? As you say, she is a wonderful human being blighted by this condition, the drugs, alcohol and multiple other relationships.

*** [I just need to add, I have removed all the things which identify her, the name of her workplaces and hospital, and your full name. You mustn't use anything which can identify another person as they haven't given permission for that and its a matter of confidentiality. I also removed your name too as this is an open forum and you never know who might be reading it. I hope you understand, and its not me "telling you off" or anything :)]
 
supportivefriend2014

supportivefriend2014

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Thank you for removing the unnecessary names and what-nots, I forgot. This was actually a letter to the A. Facility (Mental Health Facility). As for my relationship with her, she decided to stick with me because I don't abuse her and that I truly care for her. As for her telling me that she found a new bf, that never happened. She was afraid and scared of losing me after her stay at the Mental Health Facility was up.
It is not easy living with someone who has schizophrenia. She has the negative type sz, and that can be difficult sometimes when she stops taking her meds. I still give her some little bit of money sometimes, but not a lot. She just hasn't been herself for the past couple of weeks lately. I have no choice but to go along with it and let it pass. She will eventually go back to her meds. It's just who she is, and it's not just her. I learned to be loving and patient with her...

MAAKUSIMI.
 
supportivefriend2014

supportivefriend2014

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The past 6 weeks or so, she has shown positive effects. She was able to go back on her meds, and she has her head high and taking things one-day-at-a-time. She'd come over to my place and sleep-over and spending the ohter half either at her sons or at her aunts. She now accepts me not having to give her money all the time, as I have bills to pay. She's able to sleep on the same bed with me now, which I feel is a good thing for her. She still sometimes wet the bed by her meds side effects, but since I gotten used to it, it's no big deal. One thing I noticed, the past couple of months she hasn't talked about her past anymore. I think she's showing progress and she's been happy. And she finally helped herself finding a job working at the local Boarding Home. She's been positive and happy for a change...

MAAKUSIMI. :)
 
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