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My PTSD-Suffering girlfriend has ended the relationship.

F

froggy5678

New member
Joined
Apr 11, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Birmingham
Hi I am new to this forum, I found out about it after my PTSD-Suffering girlfriend ended our relationship a couple of weeks ago. Since then, I have been reading more about the condition to try and gain a better understanding of how it feels and what to do etc.

We were together for 1year and 6months, from the first day we met we clicked and had a strong, loving and caring relationship throughout. We had our disagreements at times, but always managed to talk through them and move on together as a couple.
We made a lot of memories together, none of which I will ever forget or regret for the rest of my life. Including trying new activities we never thought we would and attending music festivals.

Everything seemed to be running smoothly for us, I felt we both loved eachother dearly and had become a major part of eachothers lives. I knew from the start that she suffered with PTSD from her childhood, but this didn't change anything between us I loved her for her and I tried my best to understand what she was going through (although i can only imagine what it really feels like for her), she always knew I was here for her no matter what it was that she needed.
A couple of months ago, things got tough for her, she was hospitalised having started to feel extremely suicidal, but still I loved her more than ever and stood by her side through it all. She pulled through and we enjoyed another couple of months together it what seemed to be a solid and relationship.
However, a couple of weeks ago this all changed, she became cold in her messages and our contact became less frequent. My girlfriend suggested we go on a break while she takes time to focus on herself. But after a week, I messaged to check up on her we had a good chat, but then suddenly she ended our relationship, saying that she doesn't want to hurt me anymore and have to make me deal with what she is going through too. She said she needs time to focus on herself and rebuild from the bottom and to do this she needs to start afresh and go on alone.

As much as I am trying to understand why this all happened so suddenly and the way that she feels, I can't help but blame myself for the situation. I'd do anything for this girl, as I loved her dearly throughout our relationship, and I will continue to do so. We agreed to stay friends, so I am still there for her in the capacity of a friend when she needs it, but I feel like the relationship had so much more to offer for the both of us. Do you think there's any chance she may get back with me, or do I just have to accept the situation and move on knowing I've lost something that was a big part of my life.
Sorry if I sound a little stupid in writing this, I just need some advice or to talk to someone that has been through a similar scenario themselves?
 
J

Jules5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
1,547
Location
Florida
Give your girlfriend some time hopefully this will not last to long her feeling the way she does. She does not want to hurt anyone due to the way she was hurt as a child. She you could say is reverting back to her childhood memories and is really afraid right now. I f she can get some therapy and a strong support system she manage through this episode soon. Hang in there. Hugs
 
S

Star20

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2019
Messages
22
She needs time to rebuild it takes a lot of work and space but if you both still have love for each other it will work out.

PTSD is a rubbish deal because it stays with you even though you get better, memories aren't easy to forget. But you are clearly supportive and caring and in time things move forward. I wish you all the best though and I wish your girlfriend all the best too.

Love Star
 
S

Suprvixn

Member
Joined
Mar 11, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Wisconsin
Hi I am new to this forum, I found out about it after my PTSD-Suffering girlfriend ended our relationship a couple of weeks ago. Since then, I have been reading more about the condition to try and gain a better understanding of how it feels and what to do etc.

We were together for 1year and 6months, from the first day we met we clicked and had a strong, loving and caring relationship throughout. We had our disagreements at times, but always managed to talk through them and move on together as a couple.
We made a lot of memories together, none of which I will ever forget or regret for the rest of my life. Including trying new activities we never thought we would and attending music festivals.

Everything seemed to be running smoothly for us, I felt we both loved eachother dearly and had become a major part of eachothers lives. I knew from the start that she suffered with PTSD from her childhood, but this didn't change anything between us I loved her for her and I tried my best to understand what she was going through (although i can only imagine what it really feels like for her), she always knew I was here for her no matter what it was that she needed.
A couple of months ago, things got tough for her, she was hospitalised having started to feel extremely suicidal, but still I loved her more than ever and stood by her side through it all. She pulled through and we enjoyed another couple of months together it what seemed to be a solid and relationship.
However, a couple of weeks ago this all changed, she became cold in her messages and our contact became less frequent. My girlfriend suggested we go on a break while she takes time to focus on herself. But after a week, I messaged to check up on her we had a good chat, but then suddenly she ended our relationship, saying that she doesn't want to hurt me anymore and have to make me deal with what she is going through too. She said she needs time to focus on herself and rebuild from the bottom and to do this she needs to start afresh and go on alone.

As much as I am trying to understand why this all happened so suddenly and the way that she feels, I can't help but blame myself for the situation. I'd do anything for this girl, as I loved her dearly throughout our relationship, and I will continue to do so. We agreed to stay friends, so I am still there for her in the capacity of a friend when she needs it, but I feel like the relationship had so much more to offer for the both of us. Do you think there's any chance she may get back with me, or do I just have to accept the situation and move on knowing I've lost something that was a big part of my life.
Sorry if I sound a little stupid in writing this, I just need some advice or to talk to someone that has been through a similar scenario themselves?
I have CPTSD, and my romantic relationship causes the most stress out of any other relationships I have. I would respect her wishes. It sounds like she knows she is in a toxic place and needs to work through it without the added stress of a relationship (relationships don't grant us the same comforts as non-sufferers; quite the opposite can be true at no fault to the other person). We sufferers so often feel condemned to do it all alone--and we often invite it as a way to manage our stress... It's a double-edged sword. I don't know enough about how she feels about your relationship, but from what you have said about where she's at, you can only offer her friendship right now. If you can't be a friend without expecting more, dont engage with her because she will probably sense and feel your longing. Her inability to give you what you're wanting will be an added source of discomfort, guilt, shame and disappointment in herself.

Can you can honestly be a friend and hold NO expectations of a romantic rekindling? If not, then you cannot offer her friendship, but only wish her the best. Friendship cannot have strings attached...

Good luck. You sound like a loving, caring person. Even if you were that times 1 million it wouldn't make her healthy. Take care of yourself.
 
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