• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

My POCD nightmare.

F

FrightenedbyEverything

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
53
Location
England
Hi. I'm new to the forum. I'm in my 20s and...well, basically. I'm scared out of my mind. Now, I don't have a sex life at all, so masturbation has been a big thing for me for a good number of years since pre-13. I also have a foot/tickle fetish. I've always kept either within my own age group or beyond it, but never below it. At least, That's how I usually remember it. However, for the past few months, and especially the last couple of weeks, I've been wrestling with the idea that maybe I'm some kind of monster and to put it mildly, it's killing me.

Seemingly false emories of things I would never do to a child, images I've come across but would never seek pleasure from, keep popping into my head, memories of things that I don't believe ever happened, continuously attacking. Fear, anxiety, self-loathing, an overwhelming sense of shame, but mostly fear. Memories of times I would be browsing through pictures of feet being tickled, adults or legal teens, only to come across one of someone much younger and maybe not having the reaction speed to stop in time or worse, being absent minded. feeling like a sick monster and wondering what my friends or my family would think about me, fear or ending up on a sex offenders registry. The fear that I might ever harm a child or would ever seek pleasure in that way, constantly making me feel ill with the false memories making everything worse.

This was how I came upon the condition of POCD. (and before anyone asks, sadly I haven't gone to get myself diagnosed) After checking out the symptoms for myself, I can to realise just how much my own personality changes seemed to match. Needless to say, while I should have been relieved, instead I still had to fight, avoid triggering images or accidental reaction time-based situations. I'm putting this out there in the hopes that Others out there who suffer from POCD, will be able to tell me if I'm truly a monster or not. Please reply when you can. :(
 
F

FrightenedbyEverything

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
53
Location
England
I think I should give an update. Basically, I've been coming to terms on how my POCD tries to make me think I thought or did things I didn't. That it basically put those things in my head. False Consepts, thoughts, ideas, thoughts, etc. Tell me, Has this ever happened to you?
 
TroubleinParadise

TroubleinParadise

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 28, 2018
Messages
176
Location
South Africa
I want to say no, but I have; I struggled with this a long time ago - still notice indications that I battle with the worrying thoughts - but I give them little to no authority mostly.

You are a poor indicator of yourself; think of yourself while looking from the outside to yourself, what do you see? Is it the same person represented by these thoughts? Thoughts without actions... well they're just thoughts. Harmless, unlikely to propel you into motion - and much more likely to repel you from life.
 
F

FrightenedbyEverything

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
53
Location
England
I want to say no, but I have; I struggled with this a long time ago - still notice indications that I battle with the worrying thoughts - but I give them little to no authority mostly.

You are a poor indicator of yourself; think of yourself while looking from the outside to yourself, what do you see? Is it the same person represented by these thoughts? Thoughts without actions... well they're just thoughts. Harmless, unlikely to propel you into motion - and much more likely to repel you from life.
I understand what you're saying and you're right. But sadly, my POCD is determined to try and make me accept that I may have done something wrong or illegal. It seems utterly hell-bent on trying to get me to give in.
 
F

FrightenedbyEverything

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
53
Location
England
It's just...so hard to fight sometimes. It's like the false memories have all but become real and there's nothing I can do. two steps forward, two thousand steps back. :sorry:
 
S

SpaceWill

New member
Joined
May 30, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Untied states
Fear of being a Pedophile is actually a common theme people with OCD can have. Even worrying about being some kind of horrible person or worrying you may be missing memories or feeling like you are having false memories. Fear and shame are almost always part of OCD. I recommend watching some videos by Chrissie Hodges on youtube. Shes kinda silly but laughing is her way of staying sane while talking about such scary topics. She has HOCD (homosexual ocd) and understands how crippling intrusive thoughts and these fears can be. I have struggled too with my own theme so if you would like you can message me.

Skip to 1:50 to get past the part where she explains this is not a video saying pedophilia is ok to ignorant people who don't know what OCD is.
also she has lots of other videos, you should look through them and see which ones may help you

This is a general one about OCD with mental compulsions/ Pure O OCD:
 
Top