• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

My Personal Disorder...

ATARI

ATARI

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 22, 2021
Messages
1,102
Location
south carolina
SoO0...,

I Have Been Diagnosed With Schizoaffective Disorder.
Many, Many, Many Moon's Ago. The Sun Comes Up, And The Sun Goes Down.
There The Illness Always Reside's Somewhere Within The Reality Before Me.

Throughout The Chaos Of, 'Ideas Of Reference'. I Seek For Self Control.
I See, "things", And Hear, "things". As The Professional's Say It's All Inside.

I Completely Disagree With That Sentiment. And Always Will.

One Can Say That I Met My Clinic And Team Halfway.
Especially My Doctor. Since I Pushed Medication's Away For Years.
I Have Had Many Visit's To A Few Different Facilities Because Of Medications.

I Have Met Many Psychologist's. Mostly Only For A Few Different Session's.
Then On To The Next One. Strange, Unusual, Odd, And Personally Confusing.

I Do Not Like Hypodermic Needle's. And I Loathe Blood Test's.
I Was Ordered To Take Injection's And I Wrote Three Letter's To The President.
Asking For Someone, Somewhere, Somehow, To Change That Reality.

It Took 4 Month's But!, In The End, I Agreed To Take The Pill's Instead.

Now, On The Subject Of Hallucination's. Seeing And Hearing.
I Find Thus Reality To Be A Spiritual Process Of Finding Myself.
Reason's, Purpose, And Meaning.
Admittedly A Slightly Unusual Way To Be Spiritual.

Because!, In All Honesty I Kinda Already Was.
Because No Matter What, There Was Always A Center To Confusion.

Seeing Thing's Is Like Seeing Face's Changing Their Mood's Bit By Bit.
In Almost Anything One Can Look At. Sometime's Like Moving Picture's.
Sometime's Religious Statue's Sitting In Still Positions.
Sometime's Creature's Inspired By Movies. Sometime's Like Ghost's.
Like A Large Invisible Outline Of A Smiling Face On A Wall. That Slowly Moves.

And The List Goes On. But!, Kinda Morph's Into Delusional Thinking.
Which Sometime's Start's And End's With 'Tactile Hallucinations'.

Thus May All Seem Slightly Dangerous To The Ability To See Reality Clearly.
Which, Sometime's Can Be. But!, I Have Studied The Art Of Clarity And Focus.
With Coping Skill's Prepared To Handle Almost Anything That Can Come My Way.

There Was A Time Long Ago Where I Have Been Insanely Overwhelmed.
With Endless Voices Chattering Among Themselves. In The Thousand's.
Where I Had No Escape. I Tried Different Locations While It Was Happening.
Nothing Helped. But!, I Remained Calm And Effortlessly Sought Refuge In Ways To Find Stillness Beyond The Reality I Was Caught Within.

Sometime's A Visual Will Arrive Unexpectedly And There Really Is Nothing Anyone Can Do But!, Discover It's Purpose. And There's Always Something To Learn.

Strangely Enough, If I Keep Attention To The Actual Reality Of Reality.
My Illness Seem's To Keep Quiet. Although If I Ask For Advice, It Is Given.
Which Is A Very Low Percentage Of The Allowance To Act Like Everyone Else.
And To Be Honest I Prefer Individuality. With No Judgement On Anything.

With The Respect That Everyone Is Going Through Something.

In The Nature Of Advice For Anyone First Stepping Into Thus Reality.
Take The Medication's. My Problem Was The Feeling Of Losing My Sense Of Creativity. I Learned In The End. Your Mind And Body Shift's. Where Once Your Entire Being Of Self Accept's The Med's. It's A Shift You Live With.
Nothing Is Truly Lost. It Takes Time. It Takes Patience. And It Takes Courage.

But!, As You Begin To Refocus. You Will Be Thankful.

I Lost Both Of My Parent's A Few Year's Ago. It Made Absolutely No Sense.
I Had A Few Pup's And They Too Disappeared. After Losing Everything I Trusted.
The Rest Of My Family Threw Me Away. Leaving Me With No Place To Live.

The Psychologist I Had At The Time. Gave Me A New Life. And After A Few Year's In The System. I Ended Up With My Very Own Place To Call Home.

It Isn't Always Easy. And Sometime's Feel's Like Nothing Will Ever Make Sense.
Hardship's. Loss. Pain. And Seriously Odd Confusion.

But!, With Focus. You Can Make It Work.
Because, It's Easy To Lose Sight Of All You Have Until You Lose It All.

Don't Let It Be Too Late.

Confusing Long Post I Apologize. Jus Trying To Introduce Again.

And!,

Stay Thirsty Friend's. . .:coffee:
 
E

EclipticNight

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2020
Messages
890
Location
Orleans vermont.
You lost your parents and dogs around the same time? That sucks hard. If I lost my parents and pets at the same time I'd crack and go completely insane. Death is strange, it makes sense in the fact we all die so it will happen, but our time is never quite when we expect. Why now, why not tomorrow? How do you go from fine to gone so fast? It's all so confusing. When I lost my bird last year I could not even finish my post here because I could not think streight. Glad you found a new life though. Your my favorite debate partner! Lol. The only thing that will ever make sense is that nothing can ever make sense.

I'm a big fan of water and rootbeer. What exactly do you drink? Come to think of it i am parched. Time for water!
 
ATARI

ATARI

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 22, 2021
Messages
1,102
Location
south carolina
Hmm. . .

When It Come's To Life And Death.
It (As You Say), Always Comes Unexpected.

My Mom Was Diagnosed With Cancer. And My Dad Had A Stroke.
It Wasn't At The Same Time Though. (Sorry To Confuse).
Although Both Losses Felt Insane. And Not The Usual Insane.

My Pup's, Again, Not At The Same Exact Time.
But!, Once Again, Confusing, Insane, Made No Sense. And Really Hurt.

When My Mom Was First Diagnosed,
She Told Me About It. And I Thought, 'She'll Be Fine'.
Because!, There Was Nothing She Couldn't Handle.
She Spent Her Entire Life Climbing Wall's Nothing Could Defeat.
But!, She Always Found A Way. So, When She Passed Away, I Was Struck Hard.

My Dad Was Another One That Hit Deeply.
Once Again, Spent His Entire Life Never Having One Sick Day.
Worked, Kept To Himself With Nobility. And Never Complained About Anything.
Unless I Was Making Another Dumb Mistake. Then He Would Quietly Send Wisdom.

Now, My Pup's Were My Best Friend's. Only Friend's. Opened The Door To Nature.
We All Rested In Each Other's Arm's, (Well Paws And Arms), Calmly. Throughout Any Storm.
And Nothing Could Stop Us From Sensing True Peace Within Each Other's Company.

Once Again, Hit Really Hard.
The Thought Of Death. For All Of Those I Loved. Never Crossed My Mind.
And!, Jus As Quick As I Was Born. My Life No Longer The Same.

I Have Found (Personally), That Faith In What You Cannot Sense Here On Earth.
Can Overcome Any Obstacle. Afterall, Life And Death Is Jus The Usual Cycle Of Birth And Rebirth.

Keeps It Cools!.

And Of Course,

Stay Thirsty Friend's. . .:coffee:
 
T

toto

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2020
Messages
1,305
Location
München
Well, I'm schizoaffective too. But I don't hear voices or see pictures. When I have problems, I can't sleep. Then I just become inadequate. Sorry for the losses. I also have thoughts of death every day. I would advise you to get a new pet. If you stop believing in the afterlife, the voices will stop. Or they will stay, but you will realize that you are having a dialogue with yourself. I don't take pills. I have been in remission for 1 year. Only twice did I have a semblance of a crisis, but it passed almost imperceptibly.:hug:
 
ATARI

ATARI

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 22, 2021
Messages
1,102
Location
south carolina
Hmm?. . .

Thank You For Your Condolences.

On The Subject Of Spirituality And Hallucination's.
My "voices", And What I See Doesn't Come From My Personal Energy.
It Is A Reality Immeasurable For The "normal", Individual's On Planet Earth.

I Have Been Given A Gift On The Day Of My Birth.
And I Give Respect To The Mystery. Eternal And Existential.
Sadly, The Usual Bit Of Society Can Be Insulted By Such Gift's.

So I Am Given Tools To Coexist Peacefully.

Thanx!, Again.

Stay Thirsty Friend's. . .:coffee:
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
2,449
Strangely Enough, If I Keep Attention To The Actual Reality Of Reality.
My Illness Seem's To Keep Quiet. Although If I Ask For Advice, It Is Given.
Which Is A Very Low Percentage Of The Allowance To Act Like Everyone Else.
And To Be Honest I Prefer Individuality. With No Judgement On Anything.

Hi there, sorry to hear of everything you have and are enduring, especially the loss of your loved ones. Everything you have mentioned must have been highly traumatic for you. May I ask do you think it was this cycle of events that brought on your experiences? I'm curious that you mentioned if you ask for advice, it's given. May I ask by who and if the advice works long term. Obviously I'm no expert/health professional etc. but I would imagine the more someone analyses and tries to make sense of the unexplained the more of a issue it becomes. I think rather than looking for the whys and purposes if it were me, I would focus more on day to day living and just dismiss the unexplained for what it is. Don't know if this helps though...
 
ATARI

ATARI

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 22, 2021
Messages
1,102
Location
south carolina
Hmm. . .

I No Longer Endure.
I Peacefully, Quietly, Remain Optimistic.

Losing My Pup's Was Traumatic.
Losing My Mother And Father Was Confusing.

I Have Been With Some Form Of Schizophrenia Since I Was Very Young.
I Was Diagnosed Year's Later. And The Original Diagnosis Shifted Into SZA.

The Advice I Receive Comes From The Eternal Universe. And Official's.
The Unexplained Comes From Many Different Angles. And I Enjoy Solving Puzzles.

The Day To Day?.
Mother Nature. Father Time.
Religious. Spiritual. And Respecting The Mystery.

And, I Enjoy The Universe Upon The Endless Stage Set Before Me.

Thank You For Your Reply.

Stay Thirsty Friend's. . .:coffee:
 
T

toto

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2020
Messages
1,305
Location
München
In my opinion, everyone has a slight split personality. Between "should" and "want". Advice comes from the inner voice. And the inner voice is formed by parents / authorities / teachers and others. The fact that you accept your inner voice (the one who criticizes your desires, an internal police officer called the psychologist) as a stranger, creates schizophrenia.
 
T

toto

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2020
Messages
1,305
Location
München
It sounds very easy to treat schizophrenia. You just stop accepting your inner voice as foreign, coming from the universe ..........
 
ATARI

ATARI

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 22, 2021
Messages
1,102
Location
south carolina
Hmm. . .

Schizophrenia Is A Gift.
Society, Civilization, Culture, Humanity.
Doesn't Always Accept The Mystery Of The Unknown.

Witch Burning's Is A Great Example.

But!, The Great Thing Is Thus: You Have The Freedom To Believe What You Want To Believe.


Stay Thirsty Friend's. . .:coffee:
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
2,449
Hmm. . .

I No Longer Endure.
I Peacefully, Quietly, Remain Optimistic.

Losing My Pup's Was Traumatic.
Losing My Mother And Father Was Confusing.

I Have Been With Some Form Of Schizophrenia Since I Was Very Young.
I Was Diagnosed Year's Later. And The Original Diagnosis Shifted Into SZA.

The Advice I Receive Comes From The Eternal Universe. And Official's.
The Unexplained Comes From Many Different Angles. And I Enjoy Solving Puzzles.

Thank You For Your Reply.

Thank you for your reply too :) I think it's great you no longer endure, does that mean that the confusing images etc. have stopped? You mentioned having some form of Schizophrenia since you was very young. May I ask was there anything significant that may have triggered it? I also think it's amazing that you receive answers from the Eternal Universe. May I ask was there any significant stand out moments you can recall. Have you ever received answers etc. that were beyond your understanding or intelligence? Thanks again for all your replies. :)
 
ATARI

ATARI

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 22, 2021
Messages
1,102
Location
south carolina
Hmm. . .

You Seem Confused.
I Will Do My Best To Explain,
To You How I No Longer Endure.

You See, I Have Hallucination's. They Never End.
I See Them As Hopeful Form's Of A Coexistence Unseen By The Usual.

I Have Offered My Question's.
My Apparition's Offered Answers.
And Yes, I Take Medications.

Like I Said: It Help's With My Patience Upon What I Do Not Understand About Society.

I Appreciate Your Wondering. And Hope Thus Clears Up Your Confusion.

Stay Thirsty Friend's. . .:coffee:
 
ATARI

ATARI

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 22, 2021
Messages
1,102
Location
south carolina
:!:!:ALIVE:!:!:
-----------------
Step (By) Step
-------------------------
Acceptance + Friendship + Self Nurturing = Healing
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1.) Accept Counsel. Find Trust. And Speak Openly About Your Trouble's.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2.) Take Medication's Prescribed By Your Doctor. And Speak Openly About Side Effect's.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3.) Seek Private Guidance. Be It Meditation, Music, Movies, Exercise, Religion or Spirituality.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4.) Find Wonder In Nature. Consume With Care For Your Body. And Love Yourself Completely.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
5.) 'Do Not Dwell On Your Past, Or Worry About Your Future, Live In The Moment'~ Buddha!.
=============================================================
=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=:coffee:=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=
=============================================================
 
T

toto

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2020
Messages
1,305
Location
München
I had read somewhere that life is an illusion. In fact, in all Eastern religions it says so. During one of the psychoses I decided that I was dead, that what I saw was an illusion. I also thought that children were currently complaining about my absence and death For me, this was a state of mind according to what I read. What if I really hallucinate that I have children. And various other nonsense provoked by reading idiotic books.Ich have 2 children.And they are ok today.

What exactly are your hallucinations? And don't they stop if you sleep for 7 days? Years ago it was important: no television, no movies, absolute isolation and rest. Sleep, painting, composing. This helps.
 
Top