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My Partner with depression

F

Farpie_3

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Hey I'm not particularly used to doing these and new to it however I'm pretty desperate of late.
me and partner have been together for 4 years and we've recently split up on 26th of march I haven't heard from her since shed been struggling with her mental health and pushing people away not admitting that she's struggling saying she's just going through a slump when in reality she'd spoke of not caring if she's hit by a car crossing the road and not spending time with people very isolated and deflated becoming in general quite depressed and angry, she left saying that she loves me but needs to be her own person and cant be in a relationship.
As you can imagine my whole worlds been shattered as we were discussing kids names in January..... i just dont know what to do or where to go so I'm here on a forum i miss my best friend a lot and not sure if i should reach out to her or wait for her to make contact and that maybe she needs the time to work on herself and figure things out.
 
Schwarzen

Schwarzen

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Well I obviously don't know your partner and there's no way to say what may be going through her mind.

But based on my personal experience with depression, I would say a few of things.

It's very common for people with serious depression to try and push those close away, maybe they feel unworthy of love or affection, don't want to be a burden to others, are generally just unable to deal with their emotions or something similar. That's not to say that's 100% the case here, maybe she has logical reasons to step away.

Whatever the case, what I would do in your shoes would be to try to stay in contact without pushing too much, just enough to let her know you care and you're still for there while hopefully not alienating her and wait and see what happens. Sometimes if those people that are getting pushed away just leave it can serve to reinforce whatever negative mindset led them to that, on the other hand pushing too hard can cause a backlash, it's a delicate balance.

Sadly, serious depression can be pretty devastating and rob a person of pretty much everything. You need to understand and prepare yourself for the reality that there may well be nothing you can do for them or the relationship as a whole.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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How old are you guys Farpie, and has she had this before, or anything along these lines?
 
F

Farpie_3

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Well I obviously don't know your partner and there's no way to say what may be going through her mind.

But based on my personal experience with depression, I would say a few of things.

It's very common for people with serious depression to try and push those close away, maybe they feel unworthy of love or affection, don't want to be a burden to others, are generally just unable to deal with their emotions or something similar. That's not to say that's 100% the case here, maybe she has logical reasons to step away.

Whatever the case, what I would do in your shoes would be to try to stay in contact without pushing too much, just enough to let her know you care and you're still for there while hopefully not alienating her and wait and see what happens. Sometimes if those people that are getting pushed away just leave it can serve to reinforce whatever negative mindset led them to that, on the other hand pushing too hard can cause a backlash, it's a delicate balance.

Sadly, serious depression can be pretty devastating and rob a person of pretty much everything. You need to understand and prepare yourself for the reality that there may well be nothing you can do for them or the relationship as a whole.
Sorry it was 26th February so its been some time do you think i should try reach out ?
 
F

Farpie_3

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How old are you guys Farpie, and has she had this before, or anything along these lines?
were 18 and 19 i know young but weve been together a long time and seeing someone i love struggle and i feel like i cant do anything is pretty heart breaking
 
Wishbone

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No don't worry, the age thing was just to find out if this had been going on for ages and what, if anything, had happened before this point. That age is when a lot of things can start, it was for me too. And I agree with Schwarzen, a gentle reaching out to her to let her know you give a damn and miss her and are there for her etc would probably be good.
 
F

Farpie_3

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No don't worry, the age thing was just to find out if this had been going on for ages and what, if anything, had happened before this point. That age is when a lot of things can start, it was for me too. And I agree with Schwarzen, a gentle reaching out to her to let her know you give a damn and miss her and are there for her etc would probably be good.
yeah shes always had anxiety and ive always helped her with it but never depression like this, and im worried its been too long i was thinking shed reach out but its been just over a month and she hasnt
 
Wishbone

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She likely would once she felt better but then she may also be thinking that nobody cares about her. It could go either way, so a gentle olive branch offered to her may be the best way to go, as said above.
 
F

Farpie_3

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She likely would once she felt better but then she may also be thinking that nobody cares about her. It could go either way, so a gentle olive branch offered to her may be the best way to go, as said above.
Honestly thank you i really apprecate it everyone else ive spoken to her said to ignore her but because its to do with mental health its a bit more delicate then that im just not sure quite what to say as maybe talking about how her mental health doing is do big of a thing maybe just i hope shes doing well maybe i miss her ? im not sure
 
Wishbone

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You don't have to question her much, just ask her how she is, tell her you miss her and you hope she's ok and that you are there when/if she needs you. She'll then know you are there and in her own time she'll hopefully come around to wanting to speak to you.
 
F

Farpie_3

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You don't have to question her much, just ask her how she is, tell her you miss her and you hope she's ok and that you are there when/if she needs you. She'll then know you are there and in her own time she'll hopefully come around to wanting to speak to you.
Cheers Wishbone idk why im worried she wont care haha feel like a stanger
 
Wishbone

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She's probably just confused and feeling lost and messed up. A little familiarity might go a long way for her.
 
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Farpie_3

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She's probably just confused and feeling lost and messed up. A little familiarity might go a long way for her.
yeah i guess that might be the case however im worried about the fact is she wants to be her own person and not in a relationship and hasn't reached out maybe thats for a reason maybe thats just me overthinking it
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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She likely won't as she probably feels like she's broken right now. Depression makes you hide away like an injured animal, you feel you're almost going to infect others with your misery: better to stay alone, hiding. So she will likely be that way, but it doesn't mean she definitely won't let you in. You can but try my friend.
 
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