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My Partner Suffers from Depression & Anxiety

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Worried_Partner765

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Hi everyone,

I am having a problem. My partner of 5 1/2 years and fiance suffers from depression and anxiety and right now he is having a VERY bad bout of it and last night he broke up with me because he said he doesn't have the same feelings for me and is not in love with me anymore. What really tipped his anxiety and depression off was talking to his mother who also suffers from anxiety and depression as well and talked to him on the phone and went crazy because his father wants to finalize his divorce with her. He also said that is what caused him to break up with me because he was scared. I honestly believe that breaking up with me was caused by his depression and anxiety. What should I do to help him if anything. He said it's been so difficult.

He did say he did not want to lose me and he feels like its something he "needs" to do. Before he spoke with his mother I can not recall a moment within the past few weeks or months where he acted strange or distanced himself from me. in fact, a while back we both told each other the pandemic actually made us closer than we have ever been and we both gave each other the absolute best Valentine's Day card and told each other we were each other's everything and how we were each other's best friends, however when he broke up with me he said he has not been truly happy for a while and should've told me be sooner. I honestly do not believe that because as I just said before he talked to his mother on Monday, we have never been better or closer. I just feel like talking to his mother triggered his depression and anxiety and he has just been overthinking (which he has a history of doing).

Also, one other thing, a couple years ago this EXACT same thing happened but he did not break up with me. He was confused by his feelings and his family too because his mother and father had just separated a few months earlier. He said it was mainly him and his depression/anxiety causing him to think these things. There's a lot of drama that happens with his family, especially his mother. In addition to her depression and anxiety she is also bipolar and late last summer his mom got drunk and arrested and asked my partner to pay for her lawyer. He told her no and she said, "You're dead to me." They did not talk or see each other until Christmas Day. His mother is very controlling as well. He was so great after he really distanced himself from his mother. I could really see a change in him, he was happy.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.
 
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Worried_Partner765

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In addition, he has been on sertraline hydrochloride for a long time and they did increase after his last bout of depression/anxiety.
 
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Butlerfly

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gosh reading this, I could have wrote it myself!
I have been with my partner for 10 years,same scenario with Valentine’s Day,same feelings on pandemic making us closer - similar drama with his family too! My partner thinks I’m the devil! Voices in his head are telling him this!
I don’t have any advice for you but just so you know you are not the only one going through this - it’s heartbreaking.
 
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Tigger61

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i'm in a similar position. My bf has had depression for over 10 years and it has cause us to separate a few times. We have been on off for a while now. He has suffered severe grief since he lost his brother 6 months ago - a brother with special needs we cared for. We spent all of Xmas together and he met my granddaughter again and asked to be called Grandad - I felt we were getting somewhere. I recently was ill and he got scared i might die. Then 2 days later he had a milestone birthday. He had said he didnt want a fuss and he only wanted socks. He said it could come and go for him. Early in the morning I put a small banner on his car window and posted acard through his letterbox. I thought this was just between us and no fuss. He became very upset with me and now we are over again. he is upset because I should have known he didnt want anything. He said I was insensitive. He said I should just think it is not appropriate and it will upset him. If i had thought htat i wouldn't have put it there.. I didnt mean to upset him I wanted him to feel special and loved as he went out to work that day. I have apologised and tried tp explain but he just cant get past it. Am i wrong to think his depression and grief is making him respond this way and should I continue to be there and support him a s a friend. I ask him but he just says he can't do this now. I dot knwo if to just leave him alone :-(
 
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Butlerfly

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Sorry to hear you are going through all this- I really get where you are coming from -my partners dad died over 15years ago really suddenly and I think he never has come to terms with it and it really has effected his mental health. he has had various diagnosis over the years from ptsd to OCD to anxiety and depression and his latest episode has bought on psychosis.
I too have had a very turbulent 10 years in a relationship with this man and my extreme love for him has never made me stop caring or helping him-however this time he just doesn’t want my help and pushed me away.
I don’t really have any advice for you on how to deal with it as I’m still learning after all these years, I have learnt when to not engage in his behaviour and walk away times but sometimes that is never enough (like this time). I suppose all I can say is your not alone in your situation xx
 
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Tigger61

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Thank you for your reply. It does help. I think I have to give him time alone.
I hope things improve for you too xx
 
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Butlerfly

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Yeah I think you probably do, it’s a struggle I know!
I hope so -there just seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel at the moment xx
 
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