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My Partner Suffers from Depression & Anxiety

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Worried_Partner765

New member
Joined
Apr 2, 2021
Messages
4
Location
United States
Hi everyone,

I am having a problem. My partner of 5 1/2 years and fiance suffers from depression and anxiety and right now he is having a VERY bad bout of it and last night he broke up with me because he said he does have the same feelings for me and is not in love with me anymore. What really tipped his anxiety and depression off was talking to his mother who also suffers from anxiety and depression as well and talked to him on the phone and went crazy because his father wants to finalize his divorce with her. He also said that is what caused him to break up with me because he was scared. I honestly believe that breaking up with me was caused by his depression and anxiety. What should I do to help him if anything. He said it's been so difficult.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.
 
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EclipticNight

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2020
Messages
533
Location
Orleans vermont.
It sounds like he is afraid that what is happening to his parents will happen to him and he is trying to avoid it, if he does still care I bet it's for you to not get hurt.

Anxiety makes you panic. It's hard to make a logical choice because your overwhelmed with fear.

Depression is a different beast all together. Try to imagine your world without color, where your always tired, you've got no energy and you have absolutly no modivation. Usually instead of self esteem you constantly berate yourself for 3very little thing and learn to hate yourself. Its crippling. The future always looks bleak and nothing can change it even when you know it's not true.

Now combine them. You have a bleak future where he feels worthless and is watching two people close to him seperate. Nothing he can do can stop what will happen but his mind cant wrap around it. Naturally he then thinks of you and begins to worry that one day he will fail you and this will be his future. The idea of loosing someone to that is agony. Now he is really worried and he gets an attack. Heart pounding, fight or flight engaged, panic. How do you stop the fear? You eliminate what you fear, loosing someone. Now your resigned to the idea your going to be alone and choose to end things now so the fear can end and the pain can begin.

This is my account to how I would react having both depression and anxiety and how my mind would work it out. I cant guarentee he feels this way, I could be entirly wrong but I hope this gives some insight into our world. I wish you both the best.
 
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fragrant_violet

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 29, 2021
Messages
772
Location
Tirana
Hi everyone,

I am having a problem. My partner of 5 1/2 years and fiance suffers from depression and anxiety and right now he is having a VERY bad bout of it and last night he broke up with me because he said he does have the same feelings for me and is not in love with me anymore. What really tipped his anxiety and depression off was talking to his mother who also suffers from anxiety and depression as well and talked to him on the phone and went crazy because his father wants to finalize his divorce with her. He also said that is what caused him to break up with me because he was scared. I honestly believe that breaking up with me was caused by his depression and anxiety. What should I do to help him if anything. He said it's been so difficult.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.
The best thing you can do at this moment is let him know you still care for him, say you understand what he is going through and say you will wait for him however long it takes until he comes to his senses again.
 
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Worried_Partner765

New member
Joined
Apr 2, 2021
Messages
4
Location
United States
Thank you @EclipticNight and @fragrant_violet for your insight and words of advice. He did say he did not want to lose me and it's something he "needs" to do. Before he spoke with his mother I can not recall a moment within the past few weeks or months where he acted strange or distanced himself from me. in fact, a while back we both told each other the pandemic actually made us closer than we have ever been and we both gave each other the absolute best Valentine's Day card and told each other we were each other's everything and how we were each other's best friends, however when he broke up with me he said he has not been truly happy for a while and should've told be sooner. I honestly do not believe that because as I just said before he talked to his mother on Monday, we have never been better or closer. I just feel like talking to his mother triggered his depression and anxiety and he has just been overthinking (which he has a history of doing).

Also, one other thing, a couple years ago this EXACT same thing happened but he did not break up with me. He was confused by his feelings and his family too because his mother and father had just separated a few months earlier. He said it was mainly him and his depression/anxiety causing him to think these things. There's a lot of drama that happens with his family, especially his mother. In addition to her depression and anxiety she is also bipolar and late last summer his mom got drunk and arrested and asked my partner to pay for her lawyer. He told her no and she said, "You're dead to me." They did not talk or see each other until Christmas Day. His mother is very controlling as well. He was so great after he really distanced himself from his mother. I could really see a change in him, he was happy.
 
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