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My partner just randomly left one day

D

DNB

New member
Joined
Oct 8, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Murfreesboro, tennessee
Hi, this is my first post and I’d really appreciate some feedback on something I’m going through right now. I think my partner had a mental breakdown. My partner and I had been together for 3.5 years, he was a father to my children and always treated me with love and respect. He lost his job (our only source of income) in August and decided he wanted to move from the state we were in to a new state and within a week we were moved. Things started getting really bad. We were arguing constantly, couldn’t see eye to eye but it was only over small things. We were still intimate with each other, showering together, having sex, cuddling, laughing and being playful but when it came to communication it just wasn’t there anymore. We had been fighting for about two days when he exploded on me when I told him he needed to find employment because I couldn’t afford rent on my own, left for three hours, then came back and packed a bag and told me he was leaving the state to stay with friends. I freaked out and begged him to stay, begged him to work on things but he couldn’t be reasoned with. He didn’t speak to me for 4-5 days but when he did finally contact me on a Wednesday he told me he wasn’t done with us and that he just needed space. I agreed to space but asked him that we could still speak a couple times a week and work on things-he agreed. He came and got more of his things on the following Friday but I was working and didnt get to see him. The next day, Saturday, he texted me a 6 page long message basically telling me I was the cause of all his problems, that he didn’t want to be with me, and that I was ruining my children. He immediately blocked me from everything after sending the message and I never got a chance to respond. He blamed me for all our problems, and told me I needed help. I’m very confused because previously we communicated rather well. I would always express when I was upset and would comfort him when he was upset. Whenever I would express being upset though he would huff and puff and get really defensive, so my natural reaction was to ask him if there was anything I did to upset him or anything he thought I should work on and he would always swear that he felt fine towards me and that I was a great person/partner/mother. Do you think he had a mental breakdown? Will I ever get answers or even hear from him again? We spent every day together for almost 4 years and we were a solid, loving family. We had our ups and downs which I believe to be normal but never anything too serious apart from stressful life events. I have no closure and am very lost and confused at this point. Is there anyone out there who had experienced this? I just want to know what others unbiased opinions are on this. Thank you.
 
Ryo

Ryo

New member
Joined
Sep 27, 2019
Messages
4
Location
New Zealand
Hi.

Firstly, im very sorry you are going though this, it must seem like the rug has been pulled from under you.

I am not one to give advice as my current partner of 15 years (we have a 1 and a half yo boy now) is going through an identity crisis, has cheated and had an on/off again affair since mid of 2016 until i caught her put may this year. Things are still up in the air... not to hijack this thread.

He maybe going through a break down, possibly things have not been fine in his mind for a little while?

Ultimately try keep comms up but you have to think about yourself first and foremost, as if you cant look after yourself, you can not help anyone else. Then the next ones to focus on is the little ones...

Have you tried reaching out to family (both sides), you need to widen your support circle. If not, i would suggest you do. Start small and work from there. Even if it is help at home or with the little ones from time to time. You will need the breather while you go through this!

Sorry if i have not been much help, but the above are the first things that come to mind...

Stay strong!
 
J

JCPraha

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
437
People are very unpredictable. Apparently he is going through a mental crisis. Perhaps he will return to you and maybe not. It is impossible for anyone else to say. Everyone has there ups and downs in relationships, it is inevitable. I have just had a similar incident. My wife called the police and I was put out on to the street, because I had an argument with her. I did not harm her, and the police know that, but they said i had to go. So, I am out on my own with all the belongings I can carry in two suitcases. You never know what people will do.

However, for both me and for you, I believe we can conclude that our partners are not loyal and cannot be relied upon. Someone who is capable of doing something like this is likely to do it again, even if we get together again. I am not sure this type of partner is good, because you (and I) will always live in uncertainty with them. Never able to fully rely upon them.
 
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