My partner is depressed, relationship is on the rocks & I don't understand.

J

Justmeok

New member
Joined
Dec 2, 2017
Messages
1
#1
My partner is depressed, relationship is on the rocks & I don't understand.

Hi everyone. I apologise in advance for the long message and i thank you if you take the time to read this.

Firstly, it's not me that's suffering with depression, it's my partner. However, i have autism (not extreme, but i have noticable traits). As part of this i find understanding emotions quite hard and I'll be honest... i can't for the life of me understand what it's like to have depression. So I'm here seeking some guidance on what to do and how my partner is feeling, for the sake of helping her and hopefully save our relationship.

Background:

My partner has been diagnosed with depression after battling with it for years. She hates herself (she suffers with acne) and is very self conscious and looks at herself in a bad light. She has a daughter from a previous relationship, she struggled when she was born and found bonding with her difficult and got post natal depression and she feels so bad because of this. Theres a few other things that has happened to her in her life to feel this way, but basically she hates herself and has anxiety.

Situation at the moment:

She has finally gone to the doctor and been diagnosed with depression. She has been given medication and says she feels a bit better. Although from my perspective she seems to have changed a bit as a person, more withdrawn from me and spending more time on her own.. but perhaps seeing the odd friend a bit more that she used to. She is spending more time with her daughter, which is good.

She ended our relationship as she said she doesnt want a relationship and said she needs to focus on herself and getting better, along with her daughter... and dog strangely enough.

I was gutted beyond belief about this and sooo upset. I used to see her so much and we did everything together. Anyway, i managed to have a chat with her and she said she does love me (im hoping this isnt her just trying to keep me happy), but she said she needs to end the relationship to focus on herself.. she said she doesnt know how she will feel about me when she feels better and its not fair to keep me waiting... well i am going to be waiting either way i told her and im not even sure what we are now, but i want to help her (which she said no to), and i love her and want the relationship to work and that i will do whats needed.

She said we can keep in contact and see each other after new year and "do things we used to do before we were an official couple". She said she does enjoy spending time with me... not quite sure what this all means.

We used to message frequently during the day too... now she doesnt really reply to me. Im thinking about just messaging her every 3 days maybe to see how she is.. i know she wont message me herself and she may not even reply when i do message her. I just find it so difficult not hearing from her or seeing her.

She is a very strong person and has categorically stated that she doesn't want anyone's help (apart from the Dr). She is going to have therepy in the new year too.

What am i meant to do to help her? How can i save my relationship? Does it sound like its over? I am thinking about paying a therapist myself to talk to them about everything to try and understand and really understand how to help her. I just need someone to try and explain whats probably going through her head. I feel like im unnecessary blaming myself for a lot now and its really upsetting me. I need help to stay focused to have my loving relationship back and my lovely partner to feel well again.

Thanks for reading.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,501
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
#2
Justmeok :welcome: to the Forum. I'm so sorry your lovely pardner is going through a personal problem and requires more space. This leaves you out in the cold. Perhaps you should give her time. You say she is starting therapy soon. Wait until she's been in therapy awhile. If she loved you, she'll love you again. Give her space and time.
 
Last edited:
K

KirstyHB

New member
Joined
Jan 8, 2018
Messages
1
#3
Boyfriend is depressed and i need help 😭

Hello my name is kirsty i am 20 and my boyfriend is 20 we have been together almost 6 years now he has had a really horrible past when he was younger and moved down south were he met me all them years ago we were together a year then and his family wanted to move back up north and i decided to leave my family behind and move up here with him and his family which is were i am currently now it was a rocky road but we got through it i have been to college and work and a month ago i found a job working for screfix i like the job its easy and u get ur moneys worth however he all of a sudden became depressed which i knew was bruing from the start i have tried Everything i mean everything to help but i get made to feel guitly for leaving him on his own he has adhd aswell which doesnt help he is currently on sertraline which helps a bit but not a lot its so hard because i wish i could take away all the pain and hurt but i can he also believes that i am cheating on him in work which is one thing i was brought up to never do because im not like that never have been never will be this is a everyday thing now and i just need advice yes its hard on him but its extremely hard on me. He also doesnt work which makes it harder because hes on his own and im scared he will do something stupid like he has in the past please help 😭😭
 
M

Missy1982

New member
Joined
Jan 10, 2018
Messages
1
#4
Hi I’m totally new here and I am looking for some advice on how best I can support my boyfriend who is very depressed and it feels like I’m in a living nightmare. Don’t want to write a long message as not sure if I’m in the right forum! Sorry if I’m not making sense it’s just that I’m at the end of my tether 😢 xx
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,501
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
#5
Hello my name is kirsty i am 20 and my boyfriend is 20 we have been together almost 6 years now he has had a really horrible past when he was younger and moved down south were he met me all them years ago we were together a year then and his family wanted to move back up north and i decided to leave my family behind and move up here with him and his family which is were i am currently now it was a rocky road but we got through it i have been to college and work and a month ago i found a job working for screfix i like the job its easy and u get ur moneys worth however he all of a sudden became depressed which i knew was bruing from the start i have tried Everything i mean everything to help but i get made to feel guitly for leaving him on his own he has adhd aswell which doesnt help he is currently on sertraline which helps a bit but not a lot its so hard because i wish i could take away all the pain and hurt but i can he also believes that i am cheating on him in work which is one thing i was brought up to never do because im not like that never have been never will be this is a everyday thing now and i just need advice yes its hard on him but its extremely hard on me. He also doesnt work which makes it harder because hes on his own and im scared he will do something stupid like he has in the past please help ����
Kirsty, you need to start your own thread if you want to be seen. You're on somebody else's thread.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,501
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
#6
Hi I’m totally new here and I am looking for some advice on how best I can support my boyfriend who is very depressed and it feels like I’m in a living nightmare. Don’t want to write a long message as not sure if I’m in the right forum! Sorry if I’m not making sense it’s just that I’m at the end of my tether �� xx
Missy, you need to start your own thread if you want to be seen. This is somebody else's thread.
 

Similar threads