My partner is a sufferer i need advice

[KTKOO]

Hello my name is Katie and am new to this so sorry if i dont do things correctly!!!
My partner has suffered with agoraphobia, ocd, severe anixety disorder, illness phobias and many more problems for most of her life so life can sometimes be a struggle and hard. I was wondering if anyone else has had experience or has advice in dealing with spouses who are sufferers as i sometimes struggle which doesnt help my partner. If one small bit of advice helps us then i will be eternally grateful!

 

[intelgal]

Hi katie to the forum.. There loads of support and advice here and certinally no right or wrong way!

Take care

 

[Dollit]

I think that different illnesses and conditions affect the person that has them in different ways and so it is with the person who is closest to them. What is it that you struggle with the most?

 

[KTKOO]

Thankyou for replying i have been away so just got your post. I think that i try to carry on like nothing is wrong and live the normal life, when clearly there is something wrong, as it affects our whole life. I try to look things up regarding her illnesses but it always blinds me so i think that i should take 1 day at a time and see how we get on but sometimes it doesnt work and i sometimes feel trapped myself about saying certain things I now i shouldnt say it but alot of the time i stop listening because it really depresses me going on about illnesses and death all the time but then i think how selfish i am being because she suffers 24/7. Our life is a viscious cirlcle and i dont know how to get out of it because we have so many restrictions because of her many illnesses any advice into helping me cope and my partner would be a great help.

 

[Fedup]

Hello and I've just answered your pm , then seen this .... hence the question

Are you the sole carer?

 

[KTKOO]

Have sent you one back just a second ago.

yeah its just me and her plus our 2 cats and dog

we got our dog about a month ago shes 13 weeks one of the reasons we got her is so ellie could get out and to make her feel safe while out so at the mo its doing ok but time will tell.

 

[rakshasdragon]

Hi Katie, I suffer from panic attacks and agoraphobia. A dog is a good thing I don't think I would have gotten as far as I have without Shandy. Mainly because he needs to go so I put his needs before my own so I can take him out. Also may I suggest taking up cycling if you both don't already, that also helped me alot you don't have to go far and if you need to get back it quicker. Then once your feeling better try going a bit futher, at the start of this I could only go a short distance before I had to come home but now its really easier. I hope that helped slightly.
Luna

 

[KTKOO]

Same with us, daisy is such a huge part of our lives we wouldnt be without her, she is so good for my partner was one of the best things we could of done. Thankyou for the tip on cycling thats a fab idea we will definitly try that out we did try going to the gym through a gp referal which started off great and was a great help when my partner felt good enough to go but it stopped due to my partner damaging her back!!!
Was wondering if you had a partner? If so how does your partner cope with things as i sometimes find things a struggle! Any advice?
Thanks again for your help

 

[kt456]

Hi Katie, I'm a Katie too

I understand how you feel, my ex had a breakdown and she became suicidal and it was very difficult. It's hard to know what to say, but I guess I got through it by trying to stay positive and keep busy. Maybe you could try a new hobby together that you could do at home? Or learn a new skill together?

It's a hard one to give advice on, but sometimes it just helps to know you're not alone in feeling like this.

 

[rakshasdragon]

Your welcome, no I'm single but I live with my Mother. I think the best thing is just be there for her, hugs are nice they made me feel better when i was panicking. Talking about it helps, finding out what starts it off then working through it. As for more advice, try doing lots of things that make her nervous together that way she knows shes safe with you, keep cheerful; if she sees u are ok she might relax abit more.
Luna

 

[Worryhead]

Hi Katie,

I'm an agoraphobic myself and have been with my current partner for about 3-and-a-half years.

I'm English, and she's Polish, and some of the most difficult times we've experienced together is when I've flown over to Poland with her to visit her family as I almost always have major panic attacks when I know I'm about to fly.

We have conversations quite often about the strain my mental health has on our relationship, but as long as she can see I am trying to confront my fears and increase my positivity, then she is confident that things will improve.

I realise it must be really difficult for you to cope with your partner's illness, as I'm guessing it imposes severe limitations on what you can and can't do together. I'm also guessing there are lots of things you do by yourself that you'd like to do as a couple?

Is your partner on medication? If so, does she find it helps? Is she trying to take steps (no matter how small at first) to improve her life?

I hope she can gradually improve her mental health - as a sufferer myself, we can often feel guilty when we know how much our partner is suffering along with us; that the limitations we have imposed on ourselves also can limit our partner's lifestyle; but remain safe in the knowledge that she's most grateful for all the support you give her.

Positivity and support can go a long way I've found, to make me feel better. It must be tough being like that all the time so you need to tell her this. Remember, as Bob Hoskins used to say, "it's good to talk!"

All the best